


two ghosts

by netsirhc



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Established Relationship, Fighting, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Looooots of fighting, M/M, Marital Problems, Marriage, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Song: Two Ghosts (Harry Styles), i'll add tags as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-08-20 20:25:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 51,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16562576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netsirhc/pseuds/netsirhc
Summary: How can you fix something that shouldn't have been broken? What do you do when the one you used to look towards in love has anger in their eyes and hurt in their heart? Why does six years of blissful marriage stagger into endless fighting about nothing? Where do you go from there? How do you go on? How can it be fixed? Could it even be fixed?Yuuri's not so sure.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, while I was obsessively listening to 'Two Ghosts' by Harry Styles I thought about writing a story about Yuuri and Viktor's marriage falling apart because apparently, I hate myself. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Yuri On Ice, unfortunately, or anything that Harry Styles has written.  
> This fic is not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. 
> 
> This fic is not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.

**_We're not who we used to be_ **

 

Yuuri didn’t know how it happened.

 

He didn’t know _when_ it happened.

 

But all he knows is that he’s no longer in a rush to go home at the end of the day. He’s no longer bursting with happiness every time he sees those blistering, ice blue eyes. He’s no longer trying to catch his breath every time his husband so much as _glances_ at him.

 

Yes, he loves Viktor. God, he loves Viktor just as he loved him six years ago when they said their vows. But it’s not as passionate. It’s not as thriving or heartwrenching or thrilling. It’s…

 

Mundane.

 

And he hates himself for thinking that the word _mundane_ has anything to do with his marriage with Viktor because it wasn’t always like this. There wasn’t always fighting over the most idiotic shit they could think of. Questions of _why aren’t you home yet oh god did something happen please tell me you're okay i love you_ turned into questions of _are you not coming home tonight fine just pick up makka some food on your way if you do come back._

 

Yuuri doesn’t know how it happened but it did.

 

And he doesn’t know how to fix it.

 

Or if it even could be fixed.

 

* * *

 

 

**_We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me_ **

 

“Do you even hear yourself right now? How _ridiculous_ you sound?”

 

Yuuri is beyond himself. _Beyond._

 

He doesn’t understand why he’s having this conversation, no scratch that, this _argument._ Especially since he’s already late and the ballet studio is going to open any minute. But not that it matters because here he is. Again.

 

Viktor scoffs at his rhetoric questions, his face flushed in anger and his hair disheveled. Yuuri could almost see his teeth grind together and a little part of him is rejoicing because _damn he’s petty._ “It’s not ridiculous. _You_ think it’s ridiculous because _you_ don’t understand how it is with the press.”

 

Yuuri lets out a semi shrill laugh, humor nowhere to be found and throws back his head slightly. “Oh, you’re _so_ right Viktor. I don’t understand _at all_ how the press is. I’ve only been dealing with them for, oh I don’t know _since we’ve been together._ ” His chest is rising quickly like he ran a marathon in the span of the twenty minutes that they’ve been fighting. _Twenty minutes._ He tried to mentally stop himself from rolling his eyes but oops, it slipped. He leaned against the kitchen counter as he stared down his husband as he could see the build up anger in his tall frame resonate as well.

 

“But I’ve been dealing with it for much longer. I _know_ what I’m talking about, Yuuri.” Viktor shot back, his cheeks dusted pink with anger. Even his accent is coming out heavier, which Yuuri has been hearing more of. Although, it would be hypocritical if he didn’t say that his own accent wasn’t coming out due to the same issue.

 

Yuuri scoffed, his leg shaking in the slightest as his agitation was growing. “Oh, that’s not condescending at all. We all _know_ that you’ve been a skating _god_ for a decade or so. _We get it._ ” He doesn’t know who “we” is but it’s good to not be alone for once.

 

“That’s uncalled for.”

 

“You’re one to talk.”

 

“Oh, that’s real mature Yuuri.”

 

“We’re really gonna talk about maturity now? Are you _sure_ you want to have that conversation?”

 

“If it’s going to be more of you screaming at me for _no_ apparent reason whatsoever, then no.”

 

“There _is_ a reason for all of this, Viktor! The issue is that _you’re not listening to me!_ ”

 

“That’s funny because it seems like it’s the other way round. You’re not listening to me and you’re being childish about something that’s _not even a big deal.”_

 

Yuuri huffed as he felt whatever control he had left fly out the open window into the cool, St. Petersburg street. “ _It is a big deal, Viktor_ !” Yuuri yelled, pushing himself off of the kitchen counter to take a few steps towards his husband. His _annoying fucking husband._

 

Viktor opened his mouth to retort but Yuuri quickly cut him off. “This is _our home._ This is the place where we can leave all that shit and all the press and just _be._ We established that when we moved here from the last debacle. You know, where the press learned where we lived and _hide in the hallway_ outside our door to get a photo of us and a few words for their fucking tabloid story? And now you want to _invite the same piranhas that slander you--slander us!-- on a monthly basis into our sanctuary_?” Yuuri practically screeched, his eyes wide and brow furrowed.

 

“It’s _Vogue_ , Yuuri. Not the _fucking_ Sun.” Viktor spat, his icy blue eyes hard and stony as a snowstorm. Bitter. Cold. “Taylor Swift did it. Kendall Jenner did it. Even the fucking YouTube stars do it. It’s not that big of a deal.”

 

Yuuri couldn’t take it anymore. He’s vibrating with anger and he _has to fucking go_ if he wanted to get to the studio on time. He pulled on his light coat, the anger in his blood still boiling him in warmth but he knew the moment that he would step outside he would need the extra warmth the coat would provide. He grabbed his dance bag and strode to the door to yank it open, turning to shoot a glare towards his husband.

 

“I don’t have time to deal with this right now, I’m already late. This conversation is not over.”

 

After slamming the door and walking briskly down the pristine hallway, he heard a frustrated shout and a glass shatter.

 

* * *

 

**_Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat_ **

 

“Vogue is set to come over tomorrow at noon.”

 

Apparently, the conversation _was_ over. Apparently, his husband is someone who just does without caring about what his other half feels about the situation. It’s not like that’s how a marriage works anyway.

 

“You scheduled it anyway.” It wasn’t a question. And Yuuri knew that _Viktor_ knew that as well. Yuuri sipped the tea out of his mug, trying to let the herbal essence calm his easily agitated nerves but he can start to feel the trembling in his chest. His bowl of oatmeal sat empty in front of him, finished. And their Saturday was actually going well. Oh well.

 

“I did. They needed an answer, so I gave them one.” There was a long silence while Viktor took a long sip of his coffee, his eyes glued onto his phone as if he didn’t have the common courtesy to _fucking look_ at Yuuri and see the anger and the disappointment and _dammit_ the hurt.

 

“We weren’t done discussing it yet, Viktor.” Yuuri tried to keep his voice steady but even he could hear the shake in his voice as he bent down slightly to scratch behind Makkachin’s ears before the poodle skipped over to her bed in the living room.

 

Viktor looked up with a shrug as if it were nothing to spare in his mind.

 

“Well, I was.”

 

Yuuri got up from the table, taking his empty bowl to the sink and trying not to scrub it so hard that the glass would break underneath the suds and the anger. He must have been making a scene because he then heard Viktor sigh, as if it were a chore, and clear his throat.

 

“Okay, you’re mad.”

 

“No shit, Sherlock.”

 

“I really don’t want to have this conversation anymore, Yuuri. They needed an answer, I gave them one. What is the big deal?” Exasperated. Poor Viktor.

 

“The big deal,” Yuuri spat, turning around to face his husband with an already red face and an already agitated mood. He took a breath. “The big deal is that I told you I wasn’t comfortable doing it in our own home. Where we go to get _away_ from the press. To where the press has not tainted our lives.” He spoke as evenly as he could, wanted to keep from another argument, the _same_ argument, again.

 

“I still think you’re overreacting.”

 

“Of course you would.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Viktor drew out, his brow furrowed as he leaned back into his chair and crossing his arms. _Oh, here we go. Round Two._

 

“You didn’t listen to me, Viktor!” Yuuri said incredulously, huffing out an exasperated sigh. “I told you I didn’t want to do it _here_ , because to be honest if it were at a studio I would be much happier and all for it but I didn’t want. To do it. Here.” He bit out the last part, feeling the frustration of this ongoing argument ebb into every cell of his being.

 

“That’s your problem, Viktor. You _don’t_ listen to me. Because you think you know what’s best, even if it’s for me. Or for us. You don’t talk it through. If I say no, you just go around me and do it anyway. You’ve _always_ done that. At first it was cute but now it’s getting on my _fucking_ last nerves, Viktor.”

 

“You’re making it a bigger deal than it is.”

 

“You’re such a stubborn ass, you know that?” Yuuri bit out, slipping on his shoes without another word.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Out. I can’t be here right now. I can’t...I can’t deal with you right now.” Yuuri grabbed his keys and phone, stuffing them in his thankfully decent looking jeans before pulling a hoodie over his head.

 

“Oh, that’s mature. Every time we get into it, you just run away.” Viktor spat, brow furrowed as he pushed his hair back.

 

“I’d rather run away for a few hours and clear my head rather than stay here and end up having a worse argument.”

 

“You run away all the time.”

 

“We fight all the time.”

 

“So? Everyone fights with their spouse.”

 

“I’m. Not. Doing. This.” Yuuri bit out again, opened the door again, and slammed the door again.

 

Yuuri just wishes that after these fights with his husband, Viktor would run after him like he used to. He wishes that Viktor would take his face in his hands and look deep into his eyes, apology clear in his icy irises. He wished he would kiss him and tell him he loved him and that he’s sorry that they’ve been fighting and Yuuri would apologize too. Because he’s arguing too. He’s to blame too. He wishes that Viktor would fight for him.

 

But he doesn’t.

 

* * *

 

 

“So are you going to tell me what’s bugging you so much?”

 

Yuuri hummed in confusion, glancing over to his best friend Phichit as the pair wipe down the railing in the studio.

 

The ballet studio. His baby.

 

After retiring from competitive figure skating the year after his wedding, Yuuri decided that although he didn’t want to be on the ice competing anymore, he did want to keep dancing and choreographing. So with the money saved from his winnings, he bought a little studio down the street from their apartment in St. Petersburg.

 

Every time he was stressed or he was emotionally hurt, he would come to the studio. With the lights off and the soft light coming in from the high windows, he danced until his lungs burned from exhaustion and his eyes burned from tears. It was healthier than drowning his sorrows in the bottom of a whiskey, something that he had learned not too easily.

 

Phichit was in his offseason, traveling the world as if he hadn’t been traveling since he started in figure skating competitions. He was staying a week in St. Petersburg to visit his friend that he’d only been seeing through FaceTime for the last couple of years. And Yuuri had missed his best friend. He was glad that he was taking some time to spend with Yuuri before he had to leave in a couple of days.

 

“Are you going to tell me why we’re here on a Saturday afternoon, cleaning a railing that has already been cleaned to a shine?”

 

“Because I’m a clean person?”

 

“Try again.”

 

“I don’t think I did it right last night when I closed up.”

 

“Again.”

 

Yuuri sighed, dropping the rag on the floor before following it down. He pulled his knees to his chest, chin resting on his kneecaps. “Viktor and I are fighting again.”

 

Phichit made a surprised noise, sinking down beside him. “Again? What’s that, now? The third time this week?”

 

“Oh, no it’s a continuation of an argument we had _last week_ with remnants of an argument that we’ve been having since we got out of our honeymoon phase. So, I’ve….ah, I’ve officially lost count.” The words were angry in his head but now that he’s voiced them, they just sound...sad.

And of course, he’s sad. Why wouldn’t he be sad? It seems like he’s fighting with his husband more and more. He can’t remember kissing him because he _wanted_ to not just because it was routine.

 

“All I know is that I’m just so fucking tired of fighting with him. I love him, I really do. But we can’t go a few days without shouting at each other and I….I don’t want to lose him but he’s making it so hard.”

 

He was just _so tired_ of fighting with him.

 

“I don’t know, Yuuri. I’m not married so I don’t want to sound like I know what you’re going through but…” Phichit sounded hesitant to continue like it wasn’t his place.

 

“What is it?” Yuuri probed him gently, his brow in a curious furrow.

 

“Maybe you need to talk to someone. Like a professional. Both of you. Together.”

 

Huh.

 

Now there was a semi-okay idea. Couples therapy. Marriage counseling.

 

Huh.

 

“Yeah, that might...that might help. I’ll have to talk about it with him and see what he wants to do. Something has to change.”

 

He makes a mental note to talk to Viktor.

 

But he forgets.

 

* * *

 

**_But I can't touch what I see_ **

 

He comes home late that night to a dark home with his heart still heavy and his hands smelling of glass cleaner. He’s still stressed and wound up tight but at least the studio is clean and the bookkeeping is up to date.

 

On his way to the bedroom, he notices a familiar looking lump on the couch. He smiled slightly, toeing off his shoes before padding over to the mess on the couch. All anger dissipates temporarily at the sight of his husband’s unfairly angelic face, deep in slumber.

 

“Viktor, wake up.” His voice is soft, gentle and he couldn’t help but smile once more when Viktor opens his eyes groggily and hums as an answer. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed. It’s late.”

 

Without an answer, Viktor lets Yuuri lead him into their bedroom and immediately crawls into bed. Yuuri follows because how could he not? His husband is half asleep and when he’s half asleep, he’s also super cuddly. And God knows that’s just what they need right now. A start to it, anyway.

 

Yuuri can hear the deep breathing that’s coming from the darkness that is Viktor’s side of the bed and he knows that it won’t be long before he falls under. Yuuri still presses a kiss to his forehead and tries not to sigh audibly at the routine of their nightly ritual. “Good night, Vitya. Love you.” His murmur is low in the darkness but he receives an answer back before the soft snores start.

 

“I love you too, my Yuuri.”

 

And for a moment, Yuuri thinks that maybe they’ll be okay.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next morning, Yuuri wakes up to an empty bed and he could feel a familiar ache in his chest before he pushes it down. Oh, right. They’re still fighting.

 

But then again, they’re always fighting.

 

How long ago was it that if Viktor woke up before him, he would snuggle into Yuuri’s neck? How long since he would pepper kisses along his skin until it raised him from his slumber? How long since they would lay in bed for longer than they should just so they could stay in that happy bubble for a little longer?

 

Too fucking long.

 

After making a quick stop in the bathroom, Yuuri made his way into the kitchen to make him a cup of coffee. The pot was finished brewing but the apartment was oddly empty. Viktor was usually milling around and eating breakfast around this time, so it came to Yuuri’s surprise that he wasn’t anywhere to be found. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn’t met by the clicking of Makkachin’s nails.

 

Oh, okay. He was just out walking Makka. It’s fine.

 

It’s fine.

 

His train of thought was interrupted by the front door opening and as if on cue, in came Viktor and Makka. The poodle noticed Yuuri and bounded over excitedly, dancing at his feet for the attention that she deserves. Yuuri chuckled softly and kneeled down to get a face full of kisses as he pet the exhilarated poodle.

 

“Oh, good. You’re up.” Viktor’s voice has a slight stressed edge to it but Yuuri can tell he’s trying to cover it up easily before he even looks up. When he does he sees his husband crossing the room to stop in front of the dining table with a bouquet of what looks like white lilies, eyes to yet meet his.

 

And for a moment, for a singular moment that forgets all about the fighting and all about the harsh words that were said between them, Yuuri thinks it’s for him. He thinks that maybe his words had finally gotten to Viktor and he realizes that he _wasn’t_ listening and maybe he was going to apologize. His face almost breaks out in a soft smile. And he almost swoons.

 

“I picked up some flowers for the table for when they come. To make it look more photo ready.”

 

Almost.

 

Yuuri lays his expectations and hopes back down, shoving them further than they’ve ever gone. He doesn’t let it show, no because then another fight will ensue. Their raised voices will be heard from outside their door and then the press would have a field day. Even if it’s _only Vogue._

 

“They’ll look lovely against the dark wood of the table.”

 

“It was either lilies or carnations.”

 

“You made a good choice.”

 

“Lilies were in our wedding so I thought it would make a good touch.”

 

“It does.”  Yuuri hummed against his cup as he sipped the coffee, leaning against the kitchen counter as he faced Viktor head on. Sometimes their conversations didn’t feel like an actual conversation. It just felt like speaking and replying. No emotion. No thought process. Like those word associations games that Yuuri used to play as a kid with Yuuko and Takeshi.

 

_Table._

 

_Lilies._

 

_Wedding._

 

_Marriage._

 

_Fighting._

 

_Loneliness._

 

“Thanks.” Viktor murmured as he peeled off his outerwear and hung Makka’s leash on the hook next to his coat. “We still got a couple of hours before...before they come.” He spoke hesitantly like he was trying to avoid a fight. And Yuuri was okay with that. He didn’t want to fight, especially right before they were about to come.

 

Yuuri had lost and he didn’t really care right now. He was too tired. He didn’t know if he was mentally tired or physically but all he did know was that he was just _tired._

 

“Yeah, I know.” Yuuri sighed softly in resignation, moving his eyes from Viktor to settle on the flowers that sat on the table in full bloom. _Don’t worry, you’ll wilt soon enough. After all the cameras are gone, you’ll be gone too._ “Is it casual?”

 

His eyes flickered back up to Viktor’s slightly confused expression. “Is the interview casual or do I need to wear a suit?” He questioned further, feeling the anxiety curl in his chest already. He swallowed it down and tried to focus on Viktor for the moment.

 

_Breathe in._

 

_Breathe out._

 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, it’s casual.” He seemed surprised that Yuuri is going along with the flow. Maybe he’s thinking that Yuuri somehow realized that he _was_ overacting. Yuuri just didn’t want to fight right now. So, yeah. He’ll go with the flow. He’ll answer the questions that they ask him. He’ll put on the mask that he wears with the press and act as if his whole world isn’t shaking, isn’t crumbling down.

 

Yuuri nodded and finished his coffee, turning towards the sink to wash the cup before putting it on the drying rack. “Okay, sounds good.” He hesitated before turning back to his husband. If Viktor is worried at Yuuri’s sudden acceptance, he isn’t showing it. And that thought just causes his anxiety to multiple until it feels like it’s clawing up his throat.

 

It used to be when his anxiety was so bad, there was one person who could make it melt away without another thought in Yuuri’s mind. Viktor would take his hands and press a soft kiss on each knuckle before whispering sweet nothings into the air between them before kissing his nose gently. It was a routine, something that his lover could do to help him in his time of need. But now he just feels like a stranger.

 

Without another thought, Yuuri grabs his phone with a distinct plan in mind. He couldn’t have Viktor help him. Not now, not after an argument seemingly on the horizon. But he had the next best thing. “I’m going to call my parents real quick. I told them I would call them yesterday and I...well, I never got around to it.” He explained shortly before pulling a hoodie over his head, moving to the balcony. He didn’t wait for an answer before opening the french doors and sitting on the pristine patio furniture.

 

The cool air helped subdue his hot cheeks and the deep intake of the brisk air helped clear Yuuri’s head. After a moment, he scrolled through his phone before pressing dial next to his parents' name. Of course, it didn’t ring long, which Yuuri was thankful for.

 

“ _Yuuri!”_ His mother’s voice rang smooth in his ear, a smile immediately gracing his solemn expression. He could hear the happiness in her voice as well as some background noise which he assumed what was just another busy day at the onsen. “ _We didn’t hear from you yesterday. Is everything alright?”_ Her concerned question in his native tongue brought back the nostalgia of wanting to be comforted by his mother like a child. He felt the harsh pain in his chest as he realized how much he missed them and _home._

 

“Yeah, mom. I’m….” Yuuri sighed softly, running his hand up to rub his eye which only caused his glasses to hitch up his nose. “I’m sorry. Yesterday was a little….” He sighed once more, knowing that he needed to talk to _someone_ about it. So he switched to speak in Japanese, just in case Viktor was listening in. “We’ve been fighting again and yesterday was just…exhausting.”

 

“ _Oh, Yuuri…”_

 

“He just doesn’t listen to me, mom. And he knows it upsets me. It’s like he doesn’t care. I don’t...I don’t know what I did to make him stop caring.”

 

“ _I’m sorry that you both are still fighting.”_

 

“How do you and dad do it? Stay married for so long and stay in love? How do you not bicker and fight as much as we are now? Is something wrong with us? Are we not...not _supposed_ to be together?”

 

“ _Oh, Yuuri. Your father and I do fight. More than we let on. But it’s normal to disagree and fight sometimes. But to keep it from getting out of hand we have to keep open communication. That’s how you keep a relationship and marriage healthy. You have to nurture it. As for you and Viktor, I’ve never seen anyone who is more in love with their spouse than the pair of you. Love isn’t always rose petals, dear. Remember that roses have thorns but just because they hurt it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t smell the sweet fragrance.”_

Yuuri didn’t speak for a moment, letting the words sink in and process. She continued after a moment.

 

“ _Talk to him, Yuuri. It’ll work out. I have faith in you both.”_

 

Yuuri nodded, feeling his throat close up slightly at the emotion that her words brought him. He wiped stray tears away from his cheeks but smiled nevertheless.

 

“Thanks, mom. You always know what to say.”

 

“ _Of course, dear. I’m only a call away. Now, did Yuuko tell you that she and Takeshi are doing a vow renewal? It’s going to be so sweet, Yuuri. You have to come in for it. Oh, it’s been such a long time…”_

 

They talk for a good half of an hour, catching up before she was dragged away because of the sudden influx of customers. Yuuri knew he wouldn’t have been able to talk long but he was glad he did. The anxiety that had resting in his chest was unraveled, his mother’s words running through his every cell.

 

_It was okay. It was going to be okay._

 

After taking a deep breath of the crisp air, he stood and made his way back instead to get ready for their interview.

 

_It had to be okay._

 

* * *

 

 

“So tell us, Yuuri.” The blonde woman gripped the recorder tighter and Yuuri could tell that a hard-hitting question was coming, something she had been waiting for the whole interview to ask. Yuuri smiled towards the woman, nodding slightly as he felt the mask tight on his expression. He could feel Viktor’s hand tighten around his slightly and Yuuri couldn’t gather the comfort from him right now. “How does it feel to watch Viktor coach other ice skaters while you seem to be disconnected from the figure skating world in its entirety.

Yuuri _almost_ didn’t keep his cool. He _almost_ let the mask fall from his face. He _almost_ told the woman to get the fuck out of his home.

But Yuuri only laughed softly, glancing up to Viktor to see the same dull eyes behind his husband’s own mask that he’s been seeing for months. But don’t worry, they were good actors. “Well, I’m proud. Viktor works tirelessly to train his skaters, to continue his legacy. And while I’m no longer in figure skating, I still do it in my leisure time.”

He heard the photographer snap a photo.

Viktor smiles, the ghost of what once was on his lips before turning to the interviewer. “Not to mention, we collaborate sometimes on the choreography that I give my skaters. We’re a team. On and off the ice.” He felt Viktor run his finger over Yuuri’s wedding band. His chest would warm at the gesture but he knows it’s only for the camera that snaps another picture and for the woman who lets out an audible sigh of content.

“That’s beautiful, Viktor. You two are definitely the favored power couple at HQ.”

“We’re just a normal married couple who loves what we do and each other.” The hypocrisy hurts Yuuri’s chest as he says it but he doesn’t let it show. He doesn’t let anything show.

“And I can see that! Your home shows your love. The lilies are gorgeous, by the way. Is that…?” The woman trailed off, questioning in her eyes.

“Yes, we had lilies in our wedding as well.”

“Yuuri, be honest. How many times do you swoon after Viktor here brings you home those flowers? I know he must, he’s known as such a romantic.”

Yuuri tried to ignore the chip in Viktor’s mask as he felt Yuuri’s hand tremble in his, ever so slightly. He sighed lovingly, moving his eyes to meet his husbands. He could see the questioning, the mask falling away to show...regret? Or was it indifference?

“Too many times, Ava.” He knows that his voice is strong and concise and sounds like a fool in love but he doesn’t focus on that. “Too many times to count. He still surprises me every day.”

Another click of a camera.

Yuuri moves his attention to Ava, the blonde closing her notebook and his heart leaped. It must be winding to a close.

“I can see that the two of you are still very much in love. Can you give our readers some tips and maintaining a loving and healthy relationship? You two are the perfect example of a seemingly perfect marriage. Can you give us some advice? Viktor?”

On the inside, Yuuri was laughing. Perfect marriage? It was anything but perfect. But that’s not how the press works. Put on a mask, fake a smile and lie through your teeth if you have to. If they smell blood, you’re dead.

“Say I love you as much as you can and always do what’s best for your significant other. Support them in their failures. Celebrate their accomplishments. And never go to bed angry.”

_Hypocrite._

Ava smiled and nodded, turning towards Yuuri. “Yuuri?”

“Communication. Communicate with them, talk to them, _listen_ to them.” Okay, Yuuri will admit that was a little jab towards his husband but it’s not like they caught on to that. “Listen to their needs and fears and support them.”

“Wise advice.” Ava said, standing up and clicking a button on her recorder. She held out her hand to the pair, who shook with their own painted smiles before walking her and her photographer to the door. Viktor slung his arm over his shoulders and Yuuri wrapped his arm around his slim waist.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me and bringing us into your home. I know you had some reservations, Yuuri. But I’m glad Viktor could talk you into it! The issue should be out around the first of the month but we’ll send you a couple beforehand.”

Yuuri barely registered their final goodbyes, the smile on his face starting to hurt his cheeks but he held it until the door closed.

In that moment, the illusion was shattered. Yuuri’s brow furrowed, his hand dropping from Viktor’s waist about the same time that he felt the pressure from his shoulder release. He turned the lock in the door, sliding the chain in place before moving towards the kitchen. He needed a cup of tea, his nerves trembling inside him.

He busied himself with the kettle, trying to ignore the rustle of clothing that seemed to settle behind him. “You making tea?” Viktor murmured as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

Yuuri nodded as he filled the kettle up and sat it down on an eye.

“I’m going to the rink for a while. To work on some programs. I’ll see you for dinner?” Yuuri felt like sobbing in relief at Viktor’s words. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. But at the same time, he didn’t want him to leave. He didn’t want to be alone. Especially after the loving touches, the gentle squeezing of his hand and the affectionate glances. He knew it was all an illusion to get through the interview but he wanted it to be real. He didn’t want to keep this up, keep fighting. It was exhausting.

“Yeah. I got to work on some bookkeeping anyway. 6:30ish?” He questioned as he turned to face Viktor, his coat already being pulled on and a bag beside the door.

“It’ll probably be around 7:30. I have to finish up Nikolai’s program and Anya wants to work on her salchow today.”

“Okay, call if you’re gonna be later.”

Viktor answered with a hum and Yuuri turned his attention to get a mug from the cabinet, readying his tea for the hot water.

He heard the slide of the chain.

He heard the door unlock and open.

He heard a hesitant step before a sigh and the click of the door closing.

He heard Makka whine.

He heard a whimper from his throat.

After a moment, he heard the kettle whistle.

But he didn’t hear Viktor.

 

* * *

 

He did finish up his bookkeeping for the studio. He cleaned the apartment and wiped down all of the windows. He gave Makka a bath and trimmed her nails. He called Yuuko and talked to the triplets, wishing them a very happy birthday and he couldn’t wait to see them next to give them their gifts. He sat on the couch, staring at the black television screen. He tried reading but he couldn’t focus on the words printed on the pages.

 

He decided to cook a dinner.

 

A dinner to start a conversation to get everything out in the air.

 

A dinner to start and then they’ll go from there.

 

He decided to make Katsudon. He knows Viktor loves it because everytime they eat Katsudon, he eats way too much and then gets sleepy which then leads to the pair cuddling on the couch while watching bad sitcom reruns. And that’s all he wants. He just wants to be with his husband again. And he hopes that’s all Viktor wants too.

 

They’re just in a rut. That’s all.

 

Dinner is ready by 7:20 and Yuuri congratulated himself out loud, Makka barking happily along with his praises of _who’s a good girl_. It looked good. Delicious and it smells heavenly. It reminded him of the onsen. It also reminded him of watching Viktor stuff his face when he first came to Hasetsu to start coaching him. He felt nervous. For the first time in a while, he’s looking forward to his husband to come home and he hates the fact that he _stopped_ looking forward to it.

 

It’s 7:30 and he lit the candles on the table, the low light giving it a romantic aura. He set the plates out, the katsudon steaming perfectly still. Yuuri smiled as he poured the wine into the glasses.

  
  


It’s **7:45** and Yuuri checked his phone. Maybe Viktor texted him to tell him he was late? No, there are no messages...Well, maybe he got busy and wasn’t able to get to his phone. He remembers how training with Viktor used to be. He took a sip of his wine and typed out a message.

 

**[Sent]: Hey, dinner is ready! Are you on your way home?**

  
  
  
  
  


It’s **8:10**. No answer. He tried again.

 

 

**[Sent]: It’s getting late, are you heading home soon?**

  
  


**8:30**. Yuuri is getting worried. He doesn’t like calling Viktor when he’s training but he’ll make the exception this time.

 

It rings once and then goes to voicemail. _Oh._

 

After the beep, Yuuri sighed. “Hey, Viktor. I’m just calling to make sure everything’s okay. You said you were coming home at 7:30? Just want to make sure your okay and see when you’re coming home...Okay, just-just call me back or text me. Love you.”

 

The steam is long gone from the katsudon so he covers Viktor’s dinner and puts it in the microwave before returning to his plate. He eats it slowly, unable to finish it all. But he finishes his wine.

 

**9:05**. He calls again.

 

It rings once and goes to voicemail. Yuuri doesn’t leave one.

 

Yuuri finishes the wine bottle and blows out the low candles. He sits down on the couch with Makka, trying to keep himself from breaking.

  


**9:30**. He changes his approach.

 

**[Sent]:** **Hey, Yuri. I’m sorry about the late message. Do you know what time Viktor left practice?**

 

**[Received]: He left around 7ish. Why, is he** **not home yet?**

 

**[Sent]: No...I’m starting to get worried. His phone** **is going straight to voicemail….**

 

**[Received]: Let me see if I can get a hold of that old fart**

 

**[Sent]: Thanks, Yuri.**

 

 

**9:45**. He’s starting to feel hollow with worry but underneath is hurt. If he’s okay, which he hopes to God he is, he still blew Yuuri off. He wipes his eyes angrily, his eyes burning and the skin underneath his eyes raw. Makka whined underneath him as he pet the poodle. “It’s okay, Makka. He’ll be home. He’s just...he’s just running late is all.”

 

He heard the cheerful _ping!_ of his phone and unlocked it quickly, seeing a text from Yuri.

 

**[Received]: He’s ok**

 

**[Sent]: Okay….so did he tell you** **where he was? Or why he wasn’t** **answering my calls or texts?**

 

Five minutes pass before he gets another reply.

 

 

**[Received]: Your husband is a fucking dumbass.**

 

_Ping!_

 

**[Received]: He’s on his way apparently. Kick his ass for me.**

 

_Ping!_

 

**[Received]: IF YOU NEED ME TO COME OVER AND KICK HIS** **ASS CALL ME PIGGY I S2G I WILL**

 

Yuuri chuckled, shaking his head at the younger man before his smile fell. He was fine. Viktor was fine. So why ignore him? Why…

 

Why does he feel like tonight was going to be a long one?

 

**10:49.** Yuuri is dozing off on the couch, his glasses pushed up slightly with his phone in his hand and Makka curled up beside him. He doesn’t hear the door open but he does hear it shut.

 

Jolted from his light slumber, Yuuri blinks away sleep and is immediately drawn to the figure taking off his coat in the darkness. Worry ebbs throughout him. He pushes off the couch and turns on the lamp, Viktor jumping slightly at the sudden light before settling his gaze on Yuuri.

 

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” He murmured softly, dropping his bag by the door.

 

“What happened? I tried calling you but it went straight to voicemail.”

 

“My phone died.”

 

“Oh, okay. So training went late?”

 

Viktor ran his hand through his hair, a tired sigh slipping his lips. “Yeah, Anya couldn’t get her jumps down and Yuri wanted me to watch through his programs.”

 

“This late?” Yuuri asked nonchalantly, hoping and _praying_ not to catch him. _Please don’t lie to me. Please don’t. Please-_

 

“Yeah, didn’t get out until about 10:30 and then I raced over here. I’m sorry.”

 

_Don’t._

 

Yuuri was quiet for a moment before leaning against the kitchen counter, looking at the drippings of the candle wax seemingly frozen in time. If only there was more that could be frozen in time.

 

“Please don’t lie to me, Viktor.” Yuuri’s voice was soft, broken. He felt his throat constrict and he felt the burning of his eyes. He looked up at Viktor’s confused expression.

 

“What--I’m...I’m not.” Viktor said with a huff, shaking his head. “Yuuri, I’m tired. It’s been a long day. I just want to go to bed.”

 

“I talked to Yuri. He said you left around 7.”

 

“Well, Yuri is lying.”

 

“Where’d you go? Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be late?”

 

“What, so I can get another earful from you? Jesus…” Viktor sighed, sinking into one of the empty chairs. “You were gonna chew me out. I’m tired of fighting with you. Fighting in general.”

 

“I thought something happened to you!” Yuuri cried out, shaking his head as he set his jaw. “You didn’t call and when I did, it rang and went to voicemail. I didn’t know what was going on. If you would have just called me and told me you were going to be late, I wouldn’t have...I wouldn’t have made a special dinner…” He gestured towards the table and Viktor seems to understand. The melted candles. The low lights.  The (now empty) wine bottle. Yuuri doesn’t know whether to celebrate the look of slight horror on Viktor’s face or to cry.

 

“So why didn’t you come home?”

 

Viktor was quiet for a moment, his eyes seemingly trained on the melted candle. His chest was rising quickly like he just got done running a marathon. He sighed and set his jaw before looking up to Yuuri. “Do you know how long it’s been since we actually enjoyed each others company instead of yelling or screaming at each other?” The question made Yuuri’s heart ache and he bit his lip, shaking his head as he felt his eyes water. “I didn’t want to come home because we fight _all the damn time, Yuuri._ All the time. It’s _all_ we do. Sue me for wanting a couple of hours to myself.” He added bitterly but he must have realized how harsh his words were because his eyes widened and his mouth started to open but it was too late.

 

“Is that what you really think? Viktor, I’m not sure if you realize but we have a lot of issues. But the main issue is we don’t communicate. You didn’t communicate about the whole _Vogue_ interview,” Viktor rolls his eyes at the mention and tried to send out a retort but Yuuri pressed on. “And you didn’t communicate with me tonight. You could have sent me a message or called me telling me that something came up and you needed to be alone. Yeah, it would have hurt but I wouldn’t be expecting you walk through the door at any minute _within a three-hour span_.”

 

“Don’t just push that shit on me, Yuuri. You run off all the time.”

 

“I may run off but I always text you to tell you when I’ll be home. Always.” Yuuri snapped back. His head was throbbing and he just wanted to curl up and cry. He was just _so fucking exhausted._

 

“Okay, I’ll admit I should have called. I should have. But I wouldn’t have had to run off if we weren’t fighting all the time. Yuuri, we fight all the fucking time. I can’t stand it anymore.”

 

“And you think I can? Do you not realize that this is eating me up, wondering when our next fight will be? Wondering if the next one will be the _last_ one? The one to seal up the coffin? God, Viktor. This whole thing is driving my anxiety up the wall, wondering if this is going to be it for us.” He needs to busy himself. He could start to feel himself tremble. He crossed the room to where his wine glass sat next to the couch, stopping again at the table to pick up Viktor’s glass that he had drained after 30 minutes of waiting.

 

“So you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop then, huh? Waiting for me to call it quits then?” The emotion was hard in his voice. Yuuri could hear the hurt in his throat, cracking his words as he spoke them.

 

“No, of course not.” He said crossing back towards the kitchen only to stop at the edge of the counter to look at Viktor. “I want to stay married to you. Even if I don’t know why you married me in the first place.” He’s voiced this insecurity before, it’s nothing new. Viktor always reassured him. Viktor always made sure Yuuri knew exactly why he married him.

 

“Sometimes I wonder myself.” Yuuri’s breath caught at Viktor’s words, his hands trembling slightly as he sat down the wine glasses. Only one was on the edge. Before Yuuri could comprehend what was going on, the glass had fell to the floor. It shattered at just the same time Yuuri’s heart did.

 

“Shit.” Yuuri breathed out, his voice cracking slightly as he moved quickly to get the broom and sweep up the broken glass.

 

“You alright?” Viktor’s words were worried but he couldn’t focus on that right now.

 

Just sweep up the pieces.

 

“Yeah...Yeah, I’m fine.” He murmured out, he could feel his eyes burning as he dumped the pieces into the trash can.

 

He looked up to meet Viktor’s eyes, a beat passed and he must have realized what he had said and the effect that it had on Yuuri because now he was stepping closer. “Yuuri, wait...I didn’t-”

 

Yuuri held up his hand as he pushed the other through his hair. “I think...I think I’m going to bed now. I just…” He felt defeated. He felt hurt. And for the first time in years….

 

He felt alone.

 

He made his way towards the bedroom, aware of Viktor following him trying to get an apology in. He turned as he reached the bedroom threshold, catching Viktor’s wild eyes as words spilled out of his mouth.

 

“Yuuri, I’m sorry. It just slipped out, I didn’t even mean it. I don’t even know why-”

 

“Please, Viktor. I just...I need to be alone right now.” He could feel the tears fall onto his cheeks as his chest ached to break. It was imploding. He was imploding. _They_ were imploding. “Just...Just sleep on the couch for tonight. I can’t…” He bit his lip, trying to hold off the tears a little longer.

 

“Yuuri, please…” Viktor breathed out, his own voice cracking with emotion but Yuuri shook his head.

 

“I just need some time, Viktor.”

 

Viktor nodded, his jaw tightening as he sniffled and took a step back. “Yeah...Yeah, we’ll uh...We’ll talk in the morning, then.”

 

Yuuri smiled sadly, his mask breaking quickly as a soft whimper raised from his throat just as he closed the door. He held his hand over his mouth to hold the sobs back as he leaned his forehead against the cool door, waiting for the hesitant footsteps to fade further into the apartment. Only then did he lock the door and remove his hand. He crawled into bed after removing his glasses and pressed his face into Viktor’s pillow. He curled up and sobbed quietly into his scent.

 

_Sometimes I wonder myself._

 

_Sometimes I wonder myself._

 

_Sometimes I wonder myself._

 

He didn’t think his heart could ache this much. He didn’t know he could he could feel so low. But he was wrong. He was so, very wrong.

 

He cried himself to sleep, eyes burning with their emotion wondering where this left them. He fell asleep not long after, still clutching Viktor’s pillow like a lifeline. 

 

* * *

 

 

When Yuuri woke up, it was around 3am. It took him a moment to remember what happened just a few hours previous but he pushed it aside for the moment, pushing himself off of the bed. His throat was dry and it hurt to swallow. He would have to brave the outside, if just for a moment. He sighed before opening the door quietly and padded into the hall.

 

When he came into the large room that contained the kitchen and living room, he could tell that he was the only one awake at the moment. He exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. He could see Viktor’s silver hair peeking out from the blanket on the couch and he had to push himself forward in order to not break down again. He made his way towards the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn’t have to face Viktor until morning when he was ready.  

 

Apparently, the universe had other plans. A tiny shard of glass that Yuuri somehow missed when cleaning up his earlier mess had other plans.

 

A sharp pain ripped into the bottom of his foot, causing him to cry out loudly and grip the kitchen counter tightly. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, barely registering the surprised gasp that echoed after his cry of pain.

 

“Yuuri? Yuuri, are you okay?” Viktor’s gruff voice called out, the sound of rustling as he got off of the couch and crossed the room to him.

 

“Yeah….Yeah, I stepped on glass.” Yuuri breathed out, a whimper slipping his lips as he could feel Viktor’s presence close to him. “Must’ve….must’ve missed it when I cleaned up earlier. _Dammit_ , it feels deep.”

 

“C’mon. Up on the counter.” Viktor said softly and before Yuuri could comprehend what he said, he had lifted the younger man to sit on the counter. His eyes shot open on their own accord, watching as Viktor went to get the first aid kit off of the top of the fridge after flipping on the kitchen light. When he came back in front of him, Yuuri could see Viktor’s puffy eyes and disheveled hair which just shot a pang through Yuuri’s chest. He tried to push that aside from now, focusing on the pain in his foot.

 

Yuuri watched him quietly work, hissing slightly as he pulled out the piece of glass which was not deep enough to need stitches thankfully. Viktor held up the culprit with a pair of tweezers before disposing of it without another word.

 

As Viktor was wrapping his foot, Yuuri’s mind was finally catching up to him and suddenly, it was like he _needed_ to talk about it. About everything. He couldn’t keep himself silent anymore. He couldn’t hold in the pain anymore and it looked like Viktor couldn’t either by the dark circles underneath his eyes.

 

“Did you mean it, what you said?” Yuuri asks softly, his eyes on Viktor’s slender fingers work the bandages. They paused momentarily, Viktor’s taking a staggering breath before continuing his work.

 

“Of course not. I know why I married you. I...I don’t know why I said that.” After tucking the bandage in, he looked up to meet Yuuri’s brown eyes, apology clear in his expression... “I was angry but I shouldn’t have said what I didn’t mean. I’m sorry.” He stood up, level with  Yuuri who still sat on the counter but made no move to get down.

 

Yuuri nodded, breathing out softly before continuing. “I’m sorry, too. We are fighting more. It’s not just you.”

 

Viktor stepped forward carefully and wrapped his arms around him, giving Yuuri time to pull away if he wanted to. Yuuri leaned into the embrace, resting his head against Viktor’s chest. “I hate fighting with you. So much.” Viktor sighed, rubbing comforting circles into his back.

 

“Why is this so hard?” Yuuri breathed out, his voice cracking slightly and this time he could feel Viktor tighten his hold slightly. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to go back to how we were. Please tell me you want that too?”

 

“I do. I really do, Yuuri. Anything to stop doing whatever it is that we’re doing.” Viktor said softly, his thumb rubbing Yuuri’s back gently.

 

“I just want _us_ back.”

 

“We’ll get us back, Yuuri. I promise.”

 

And in the low light of the kitchen, they held each other.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm has passed but the wreckage is unbearable. How do we pick up the pieces of us and where do we even start?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh, I'm so sorry that this is so late. I said biweekly and it turned out to be monthly? Alas, this chapter was a doozy. There was so much that I wanted to fit into this chapter and although I had (momentarily) thought about cutting it short, I decided against it. I was also wanting to post this on Yuuri's birthday but I missed the deadline by an hour. Still, happy birthday you precious pork cutlet bowl. I hope you enjoy the chapter! <3 
> 
> Also, I want to make it very clear that I am in NO way a professional when it comes to couples therapy let alone therapy in general. I used some of this from my own therapy sessions, just the way that the therapist talks and asks questions. Please let me know if I got ANYTHING wrong about this interaction. It's something that I'm very nervous about. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Yuri!!! On Ice, unfortunately.  
> \----  
> Again, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.

_No matter what the future held for them, Yuuri will never forget this moment._

 

_He’ll never forget the gentle sway of their bodies, barely moving with the slow beat as Yuuri’s fingers danced softly against Viktor’s neck and his other hand was intertwined with Viktor’s. He’ll never forget how bright Viktor’s eyes were, the icy yet beautiful blue glinting with happiness or how his eyes were the only thing that he could focus on as they swayed to the music. He could stare into Viktor’s eyes until the world ended. It was like he was drowning in them but only his hold could give Yuuri a breath of air._

 

_Yuuri could feel a content smile weave onto his lips, feeling Viktor’s hand pull him closer like it was a sin to be a mere inch away from each other. Viktor’s head leaned forward, resting on Yuuri’s and he delved deeper into the moment. There was no one else but Viktor and him. There was no murmuring crowd around them, eyes on the newly wedded couple enjoying their first dance as husbands. There was no one outside of Viktor and Yuuri, dancing in their own world, in their love. It was breathtaking._

 

_Viktor brought their intertwined hands to his lips and Yuuri could feel his breath leave him. His heart ached at how much love he felt for the man in front of him. He sometimes couldn’t fathom how much the Russian meant to him but he did know he didn’t want to go a day without waking up next to him._

 

_“I love you, my Yuuri.”_

 

_Yuuri felt emotion catch in his throat. He leaned up slightly to catch Viktor's lips in a soft and gentle kiss that left his head spinning. “And I love you, Vitya.”_

 

_They continued to sway, not knowing if it had been mere seconds or minutes since the speakers began the soft tone. Yuuri could feel the hum in Viktor’s chest as he began to[sing along softly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ31pyTZdh0), for only Yuuri to hear. _

 

_“It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me...” Yuuri felt his eyes close at Viktor’s soft singing, just for a moment to try and savor this moment with his husband. He could feel the hum as Viktor continued to sing into his ear in soft tones, making sure that no one but Yuuri heard his hushed melody._

 

_“Though we don’t need to say it to each other, sweet…” Slender fingers played gently with Yuuri’s fingers, a gentle smile pulling at his lips as he took in every feature of Viktor’s features._

 

_“Knowing that I love you…” Every inch of his being screamed of his love, but his lips were unable to process the emotion. He took Viktor’s lips again, the same fondness radiating as his chest ached in adoration. After a long moment, he pulled back as his thumb danced across Viktor’s cheek softly._

 

_“We’re married.” Yuuri breathed as if he didn’t believe it. His eyes lit up as Viktor breathed out a soft laugh, his lips curving into a smile that could melt Yuuri’s heart in an instant._

 

_“We are? I was wondering what that ceremony was about…” Viktor teased, eyes twinkling with the same adoration Yuuri had when they said their vows._

 

_Yuuri giggled, shaking his head slightly. “You’re such a dork.” He breathed as his fingers returned to the nape of Viktor’s neck, watching Viktor’s eyes fluttering closed for a moment at his touch. “But a dork that I’m happily married to.”_

 

_Viktor’s eyes opened, searching Yuuri’s before finding whatever answer he needed before smiling softly. “You have made me….the happiest man alive, Yuuri.” His voice shook with emotion. He tilted his head and captured Yuuri’s lips in a soft embrace. He could feel the love and adoration and emotion that he was pouring into the kiss and Yuuri couldn’t have been happier. When they pulled away, Yuuri laid his head on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck as they continued to sway._

 

_“And I will gladly break it, I will gladly break my heart for you.” Viktor’s voice hummed against Yuuri’s temple, his lips pressing a soft kiss against his skin. Yuuri closed his eyes in content, knowing Viktor’s words rang true because he would too. For Viktor, he would do anything._

 

 _Time seemed to slow down as they continued to sway. Time seemed to be on their side this one time, allowing them to just_ be _. To be with each other and to be in love._

 

_“I will gladly break it, I will gladly break my heart for you.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri came out of his slumber slowly, his body aching and his thoughts sluggish. For a moment, he thought alcohol was involved and that’s why he felt wrecked. It wasn’t until he felt Viktors warmth shift slightly behind him and heard the rustling of the sheets that the previous night came crashing down on him.

 

Oh. That’s why his eyes burned. He cried last night.

 

He blinked his eyes open slowly, noting the soft light spilling from the blinds. The lack of sleep and the tears that fell made his temples ache but he pushed it back for the time being.

 

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s arms tighten around him hesitantly and was pleasantly surprised at their position as he began to fully wake up. He was curled into Viktor’s embrace, every inch of Viktor’s front pressed against Yuuri as if he was afraid of him disappearing. Which would make sense looking back at the fight they had the previous night. Viktor’s arm was wrapped around him, his fingers resting gently on Yuuri’s wrist.

 

How long had it been since they woke up embraced in each other? Yuuri didn’t know but he _did_ know it was far too long. It had been too many mornings of backs facing each other and cold sheets. He yearned for his husband’s touch but pride was a spiteful thing. And so was Yuuri at times.

 

He could feel Viktor’s breath on his neck, the soft snores that he had gotten used to in the last six years had seemingly evaporated into shaky breaths. Was he enjoying the moment too? Was he trying to memorize the way he curved around him like a puzzle piece, just as Yuuri was? Was he savoring the feeling of waking up to his love?

 

Viktor answered with his fingers brushing against Yuuri’s wrist.

 

“This is nice.”

 

Viktor’s voice was hoarse, gruff with sleep and tears as his fingers intertwined into Yuuri’s. “This is nice waking up with you. I forgot how much I missed this…” He repeated, his voice shaky as if he just remembered _why_ they didn’t wake up like this anymore.

 

Yuuri hummed and squeezed his hand in agreement before bringing up their intertwined hand to press a kiss gently to Viktor’s knuckles. His eyes hurt terribly so he closed them again and tried to match his breathing with the rise and fall of Viktor’s chest against his back. His thumb rubbed Viktor’s hand softly as he hummed lowly.

 

It’s hard for Yuuri to _fully_ understand how broken they are. And he doesn’t know how they got to this point which is what frustrates him the most. He remembers their first few years of marriage, seemingly always in the “honeymoon phase”. They could barely keep their hands to each other but with their love, why would they? Yuuri had constantly craved Viktor’s touch, whether it be in his hair as they laid across the couch together on a lazy Sunday or with Yuuri arching off of the mattress as his hands gripped the sheets and Viktor’s name spilling from his lips like a prayer.

 

Even as they drifted from the honeymoon phase, they settled in the bliss of domesticity. On the weekends Viktor would sneak out of bed and make a simple breakfast, only to wake Yuuri up by peppering kisses over every inch of his face (and on some mornings when waking up was harder, all over his body). While Viktor was finishing getting ready for his day on the rink, Yuuri would make his coffee while running over the bookkeeping for his newly bought ballet studio. Yuuri would come home one long, terrible day at work to find a romantic dinner on the dining table or a hot bath drawn for the pair with a low light and the heavenly scent of soothing lavender.

 

Sure, they bickered. What couple didn’t? What _married_ couple didn’t? They fought but never to the point where their pillows soaked up the salt of their tears.

 

So what went wrong?

 

Yuuri couldn’t help to think it was him, at first.

 

Maybe it was his anxiety or maybe he just didn’t want to blame Viktor but he was sure it was _him_ that was the problem. He was too tired after work to do _anything_ except worry about his business going down the toilet. They always said that the first few years of a business is the most crucial and the stress did make him crabby. Even with Minako as a mentor, Yuuri couldn’t help but feel like a failure with the loss of money and the low number of clients.

 

Finances were always a stepping stone to marital problems. His father had told him that. He said that the stress of the financial issues could stress the relationship and could even cause more problems to crop up, like communication. And Yuuri hated it because _it’s not Viktor’s financial problems._ It was his. But, thankfully, it was only the starting dry spell and his studio is flourishing now.

 

The main issue is that Yuuri doesn’t _know_ what their underlying factor is. He doesn’t know what straw broke the camel’s back. He doesn’t know what was the tipping force to make anger and pettiness be their main emotions other than love and adoration. He doesn’t know.

 

And the scariest part? He doesn’t know if whatever it is, is even fixable.

 

“What are you thinking about, zvezda?" 

 

He was drawn from his musings, his eyes fluttering open at the soft words breathed by Viktor into his neck. He hesitated before turning over to face him, his weary eyes automatically noting the slight puffiness of Viktor’s eyes and he could feel his heart ache at the mere sight.

 

Viktor must have had the same reaction because his eyes grew sad and his thumb ran across his cheek softly. “Я ненавижу, что я являюсь причиной вашей боли.” He whispered almost to himself as his eyes seemed miles away.

 

At Yuuri’s questioning gaze, Viktor shook his head slightly and he retreated to his previous question. “What are you thinking about?” He murmured softly, searching his expression.

 

“Us, mainly.” Yuuri murmured quietly, his eyes dropping to the light freckles on the base of Viktor’s neck. There was no reason to hide now; their emotions were raw from last night, their exhaustion evident in their tired eyes and hearts. “About why we’re like this. If we can fix...whatever is wrong.”

 

Viktor hummed softly as Yuuri reached out to touch the freckles softly, fingers dancing across the angel kisses. “We have to. I don’t know how...but we have to, Yuuri. We just have to.” He whispered, voice cracking at the repeated words as if they were a mantra. “What should we do?”

 

“Therapy...maybe?” Yuuri whispered back, nuzzling his head slightly against Viktor’s arm that laid underneath him. “Phichit told me going to a professional might help...distinguish where our problems lie.”

 

Viktor’s brow furrowed slightly. “You told Phichit about us fighting?”

 

Yuuri nodded, chewing on his bottom lip slightly before sighing. “Yeah, I didn’t go into any details or anything. He _is_ my best friend.” He murmured as he tried to make sure to diminish any potential fight, especially now that they were on the same page. “I just...I didn’t know where else to turn.”

 

Silence ate the space between them. Viktor’s brow unfurrowed before he nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I still hate that you couldn’t turn to _me._ I know why but…” He trailed off, shaking his head as if chasing his demons away. He sighed heavily after a moment, moving his eyes to meet Yuuri’s. “I think therapy could be helpful.” He murmured, nodding slightly.

 

“I think it could be too. Sometimes it’s better to have a third party who can see where the flaws are, even when we can’t.” Yuuri whispered back, brushing a stray silver lock out of his eyes. He hooked it behind his ear, trailing his hand softly against the length of his jaw. Viktor’s eyes fluttered together, taking in the soft caresses. After a moment, his icy eyes found Yuuri’s and nodded.

 

“It’s settled then.” He said simply and so it was.

 

Yuuri smiled softly, leaning forward to bury his face in Viktor’s chest as the older man’s arms wrapped around him.

 

This felt... _good._ It felt like a starting point, knowing they were both on the same page and working toward the same goal again: to find _them_ again.

 

He could feel Viktor hum a tune and it took him a moment to recognize it. When he did, his heart ached as his mind wandered to six years previous in his arms as Viktor sang those sweet words to him.

 

_It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me...though we don’t need to say it to each other, sweet...knowing that I love you..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri didn’t know he fell back asleep until he felt a soft kiss pressed against his temple. His eyes fluttered open, blinking back sleep as Viktor came into his view. His lips turned up slightly before stretching his legs with a sigh. He could see the soft yet sad smile slip over Viktor’s lips and before he could question it, a soft brush of his slender fingers ran the line of his jaw.

 

“Are you hungry? I’ve made breakfast.”

 

Yuuri could feel his heart in his throat, swallowing away the familiarity of it all. Those Sunday morning breakfasts were so mercilessly....happy. He would wake with peppered kisses on every inch of his face, the warmth that Viktor always seemed to bring with him settling between them. Viktor would guide him into the kitchen where he laid out a romantic breakfast which was sometimes brunch if they were feeling a little feisty in the mornings. After breakfast, they would tangle into each on the couch and just...be. It was something that stuck into Yuuri’s mind no matter how stressful the last couple of months had been. It had been a while since he was woken up like this but he didn’t dwell on it long.

 

“You made breakfast?” Yuuri murmured as he sat up, pushing his glasses onto his face before turning his attention back to Viktor to take him in.

 

His eyes weren’t as puffy as they were earlier that morning but his eyes were slightly red, whether it be from lack of sleep or crying. Which is something that Yuuri could understand. He was sure his eyes told the same story and maybe that was why Viktor was looking at him with that same sad smile that he hadn’t taken off since earlier in the morning with the glass incident.

 

His hair was a mess, sticking up all over his head but that wasn’t a rare sight when it came to Viktor in the morning. In the early stages of their relationship, the sight of a disheveled and messy Viktor just made him more human and less of a skate god. It made it easier for Yuuri to fall in love with him if it wasn’t already.

 

Yuuri’s eyes didn’t linger too long on Viktor’s broad and pale chest, the planes of his chest already memorized and burned into his mind. It was normal for Viktor to sleep without a shirt, even sometimes with any clothes in general. At first it was alarming, something that Yuuri had to get used to but he liked it. He liked having that skin on skin contact and being able to _feel_ Viktor’s heartbeat if everything got to be too much.

 

“Yeah, well...it may not be Sunday but I wanted to do something before we head off to work.” Viktor said with a soft mumble, his cheeks immediately reddening as he rubbed the back of his neck shyly.

 

The simplicity rushed Yuuri out of his thoughts, dousing him with familiarity and made his chest ache for what had been. Those Sunday mornings were heaven. He remembered the first Sunday after coming back from their honeymoon, after their first week in the real world. It had been a struggle to come back down to earth after flying so high in the clouds but they had adjusted. Yuuri had woken up to soft kisses on the back of his neck and Viktor’s warm arms enveloping him as he murmured into his skin. “I have food, Yuuri…” His name was drawn out and he couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from his lips before sitting up with his stomach rumbling. He didn’t know at the time that it would become routine but the fact that it did made Yuuri fall more in love with Viktor with every Sunday that passed.

 

Yuuri could feel his own blush against his cheeks and the hard hammering against his chest as he swung his legs over the bed and standing before sending his husband a soft smile. “That’s sweet, Viktor.” He murmured with a warm smile. He wanted to note on how long it had been but he knew that moving forward, they shouldn’t focus on it too much. The fact that Viktor picked up the tradition (even if it was a day later than normal) meant more than anything to Yuuri, especially after the fight and revelations the previous night.  Actions speak louder than words.

 

He must have said all of this with his expression because Viktor nodded with a sad smile still etched onto his face. The older man stood as well, hesitating before holding out his slender hand in question. Yuuri took it without a moment’s hesitation, hating the fact that there _was_ hesitation in the simple action. He tried to focus on the soft pressure of Viktor leading the pair out of the bedroom and through the apartment, noting the tension in his bare shoulders as the planes under his skin seemed to contract. Oddly, it was a little unsettling for Yuuri as the tension rolled from Viktor straight into the pit of Yuuri’s stomach.

 

 _God, I hope I’m overreacting._ Yuuri thought to himself as they made their way into the kitchen. _That would be the last thing that we need, more issues._

 

Yuuri looked towards the dining room table and déjà vu hit him. The vase of lilies from the photoshoot yesterday had been taken away and only a single lily laid gently in a much tinier vase in the middle of space. His favorite mug was filled with coffee and the plate of food in the center of the mat looked delicious: scrambled eggs with a side of toast and half an orange. All the details of their Sunday morning breakfasts were perfect.

 

He realized that he had been silent for a long few moments and finally tore his eyes away from the table to glance over to a silent yet nervous looking Viktor. He shifted next to the younger man, the silence asking _Is this okay?_

 

“It looks perfect, Vitya.” Yuuri murmured with a soft voice, still gruff from sleep as he squeezed Viktor’s hand in his. The smile Viktor spread over his lips finally met his eyes which caused Yuuri’s own chest to fill with adoration.

 

They both sat in their respective seats, the silence between them comfortable as they alternated between eating their breakfast and scratching Makka behind the ears when she popped up beside one of them to beg for attention. This went on for about ten minutes, the tension seemingly evaporating from Yuuri as he scrolled through his news feed on his phone.  

 

“Yuuri?” Viktor’s voice broke the spell of silence, his brown eyes looking up to meet Viktor’s icy blue orbs. He looked...apprehensive. Maybe even unsure.

 

Yuuri hummed in reply, giving Viktor his full attention by putting his phone down. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and took a sip from his mug.

 

Viktor cleared his throat, his brow furrowing slightly as if he was concentrating on what to say or _how_ to say it. The tension dropped back into the pit of Yuuri’s stomach and worst case scenarios began to flood his mind. What if he decided against working it out? What if he didn’t _want_ to work it out? What if he wanted to separate? What if he wanted a _divorce_? What if-

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

His gentle words broke Yuuri out of his head, his gaze looking into Viktor’s at his words. His eyes were clear, genuine and with a hint of nervousness. It looked like he was still struggling to piece together the words that he wanted to say so Yuuri let him, only giving him a small yet sad smile to encourage him. It only took a moment.

 

“I’m sorry about last night, about...not coming home. It was stupid, really...to not only _not_ come home but to not tell you I’d be late. It’s really no excuse for it. I just…” He shook his head with a sigh, pushing his hand through his silver locks before taking another breath. “I just didn’t like the fighting. I didn’t _want_ to keep fighting with you. And I think that I knew that if I came home, we’d still fight. I’m just so tired of fighting with you, seeing you hurt but being so stubborn in my own ways that I look past that. I don’t want to do that anymore. I hate hurting you.”

 

Yuuri took a moment to take it in and found himself nodding along as he took a deep breath. “I understand. I didn’t like it but I can understand because I don’t want to fight anymore either. I just…” He took a moment, chewing on his lip before pushing onward. “I just feel so disconnected from you when we fight. We had always been in sync and in tune with each other after we got married…and I was afraid that we were losing each other. Losing the love between us. And I couldn’t bare it.” He could see the understanding in Viktor’s eyes and was glad that he wasn’t the only one feeling these emotions. After a moment, he added with a soft murmur. “I can’t bare it. Losing our love.”

 

“It’s not excusable. To say I did what I did because I didn’t want to fight.” Viktor said slowly, the unusual nervousness clear on his expression as his finger trailed around the rim of his mug absentmindedly. “But I just...I didn’t apologize for that last night and I wish I did.” He opened his mouth as if to continue his train of thought but hesitated, moving his eyes to meet Yuuri’s. Yuuri could see a battle within Viktor take place in his eyes and he _hated_ it. But he waited and it seemed that Viktor finally got the words right. “And I know I apologized last night for the...comment I made. But I don’t think it was enough.”

 

For a moment, he was confused. Then he realized and a full fledge of emotions rushed throughout his being, hitting him square in the chest.

 

_Sometimes I wonder myself._

 

The words seemed to echo in mind and he had to wade through all the hurt that Viktor’s previous words resonated within him in order to come back to the conversation at hand.

 

He was apologizing. He didn’t mean it. He even said he didn’t mean it. He was angry. He was hurt. He... _didn’t mean it._

 

“I know you didn’t mean it, Viktor.” Even the words sounded empty to Yuuri and he had to mentally slap himself because the look on Viktor’s face was heartbreaking.

 

“I didn’t but it was believable enough where at first you thought I _did_ mean it.” Viktor replied quietly, his brow furrowing as a sigh stuttered from his lips. He hesitated for a moment before standing from his chair and crossing over to kneel in front of Yuuri, taking his hands in a gentle embrace.

 

“I know why I married you. I could never forget why I did.” He spoke softly, like confessing a secret that only Yuuri’s ears could hear. “Your ability to bring my life so much joy with just a soft smile, for one. You didn’t just bring inspiration to me, Yuuri. You must know that. You made me learn how to love, how to _be_ with someone. You taught me that I didn’t have to do things on my own anymore. You taught me to trust someone with my heart again.”

 

He reached up and brushed his thumb under Yuuri’s eye, wiping away a stray tear that had fallen silently (and not even to Yuuri’s knowledge). Viktor smiled sadly, cradling his hand against his cheek. Yuuri couldn’t help but lean into the touch closing his eyes for a moment and sighing softly.

 

“Those are just mere specks compared to all the reasons why I married you. They’re not all the reasons but they’re the important ones. _Please_ don’t ever think that I made the mistake of marrying you. Because being with you? That’s the one thing in my life that I could never regret.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, everyone! Let’s get into our warm-up positions!” Yuuri called out to the class as they filed in, having exceptional attention spans and heartwarming manners for five-year-olds as a chorus of _Yes, Mr. Yuuri_ filling the studio space. He could hear the muted pattering of ballet shoes as his pupils sat down on the floor.

 

It was the last class of the day and although Yuuri had been dealing with classes filled with five-year-olds all afternoon, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. After his emotional start of the day with Viktor, he had came to the studio to not only work but also to free himself from his mind for a while. And his studio was the place to do it.

 

The studio was small but it was spacious. The high windows were on one end and the wall of clean-cut mirrors on the other, while handrails lined up on opposite sides.  Yuuri knew that this was all he needed when it came to his career. He knew that as long as he poured as much love into teaching as he did into ballet itself that his pupils would succeed. And that’s all he wanted. Whether it be succeeding and becoming the next prima ballerina or gaining confidence in themselves.

 

He taught multiple age groups, all ranging from as young as 5 to 18 and all throughout the week. Although he does an impressive range of students, he makes sure to always have a small number of students in each class. Of course, that means he could teach on average three classes of five-year-olds on Monday but spreading it out gives him more one on one time with his students. Yuuri knew that there are different types of learning, especially in young children so he wanted to make sure that he was able to give more hands-on teaching when it came to all of his students, even his older ones.

 

And it helped that he had an assistant to help with his lessons. Svetlana was an angel, a godsend when he was first getting clients. With this being his first self-owned ballet studio and even first teaching job, he was slightly nervous and very overwhelmed when it came to his lessons. So he took on Svetlana for an extra hand and it helped _so_ much.

 

She was a college student and although she was almost a decade to his junior, he couldn’t help but form a close friendship with her. She reminded Yuuri of a cross between Mila and Chris, her tame side measured in the professional setting but as soon as they were alone her words would make a sailor blush (and Yuuri of course but it only spurred her on more). She had steadily became a close friend and Yuuri was so thankful for her, in a professional and personal sense.

 

Lana was currently walking around the young children, making sure that their legs were pointed straight and making small but kind conversation. Another plus to his assistant? The little kids _loved_ Ms. Lana.

 

Yuuri sat down in front of his six pupils so that they could see his actions to mirror his actions. Not only did it help the kids since it was easier to copy what they could see but it also helped Yuuri stay nimble and flexible.

 

When everyone was settled in and [awaiting instruction](http://iml.jou.ufl.edu/projects/s12/mann_t/syllabus.html), Yuuri smiled and took a breath before continuing. “Okay, feet straight out! And…” Yuuri baited, grinning as they copied his actions and waiting for the callback that he had created specifically for this age group.

 

“Flex your feet and hello toes!” The chorus of polite but cute voices rang throughout the studio as the students flexed their feet back.

 

“Good! Now hold it!” Yuuri nodded with an encouraging smile, holding the position for a few moments before pointing his feet forward. “Now…”

 

“Point your feet and say goodbye toes!”

 

Yuuri nodded and gave praise, eyes running over each pupil and making sure that they were stretching properly. Lana was circling them, as she normally does, to make adjustments if needed and laughing softly at some of the children wiggling their toes as soft giggles rang through the studio. Yuuri couldn’t help his own laugh from echoing from his smiling lips.  

 

They did a few more warm-ups before moving to their short routine for the summer recital at the beginning of August. He never did anything too stressful for this age group but it’s mainly something to showcase how hard they have been working and something for the parents. Yuuri did an end of season recital for all of his students. For some younger groups, it was mainly for fun but for the older groups, it was for practice for competitions and possible recruitment from companies that could take his graduating students.

 

They worked on the routine for the majority of the class and Yuuri could honestly say that this was the most well-behaved class he ever had. Of course, a bunch of five-year-old children doing the same thing over and over could get frustrating. So ten minutes until class ended, Yuuri went with his gut and decided to have them let loose a little bit.

 

“Alright, everyone did an _amazing_ job today! So, as a treat... who wants to play freeze dance?” Yuuri asked, giggling quietly at the outburst of squeals and laughter at his suggestion. He couldn’t help his own excitement from bubbling up as he went over to put on a fun song that they could dance to. He picked up the remote, so he and Svetlana could dance along with the kids to loosen up.

 

“Okay, you know the rules. Dance how _you_ wanna dance and when the music stops….freeze!” He could hear the buzz of excitement all around him, the grins on the children’s face mirroring his own. “Everybody ready?” He asked as the feeling of excitement bubble in the small studio as a couple of the kids began to giggle, calling out a chorus of agreement.

 

He found this cute, little cool down exercise specifically made for kids and knew that this was a perfect way to end lessons that ebbed in frustration from the children. He didn’t want to overwork them so the freeze dance was an amazing alternative. I was not only a great cool down exercise but it also helped tune in their listening skills _and_ promoted creativity, which Yuuri was always a fan of.

 

Yuuri pressed the play button and the studio was filled with a loud (but child appropriate) dance song that had his pupils jumping around and laughing as they danced around. Yuuri let the music play for a few moments, his finger hovering over the pause button before pressing it.

In the same instant, everyone squealed to a halt and giggles were stifled as Yuuri looked around at the red-faced children. He pressed play again and this was how they continued until the end of class. The kids were breathless but giggling quietly as they began to file out, waving at Yuuri and Svetlana before rushing into their parents' arms.

 

After all of his students had filed out and the studio door was closed, the mental and slight physical exhaustion caught up with Yuuri as he began to clean up the studio. He didn’t get much sleep the night before because of his and Viktor’s fight and although he tried not to think too much into it, it was hard when the silence of the studio got to be too much.

 

His foot wasn’t hurting too bad, after all, it was just a piece of glass in his foot. It wasn’t deep enough to do too much damage but that wasn’t the issue. He was tired and his body was starting to show it. He still wasn’t done for the day, even though his last class had already left. He still needed to do some bookkeeping and begin ordering some costumes for the older groups. Home seemed too far away now.

 

But then again, it has been seeming far away for a couple of months now.

 

“If you stare at the floor any harder, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna catch on fire.” Svetlana’s voice shook Yuuri out of his stupor, his eyes snapping up to meet her green orbs. A slight smile slipped over his lips but he knew that it wouldn’t ease her mind. “You okay, Yuuri?”

 

He sighed, balancing his leg on the handrail before stretching slightly. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just...I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” He glanced over to see the blonde smirk and lift her perfectly arched brow before wiggling then suggestively. “Oh, nothing like that Lana. Jesus…” He couldn’t help but chuckle out, shaking his head as he moved his attention to stretching out his other leg.

 

“Sure it isn’t. You forget that I’ve helped you cover up certain _marks_ before some _very_ curious five-year-olds come barreling in.” She snarked, laughing gently before doing some simple ballet combinations as if by second nature.

 

Before he could reply, he heard his phone buzz loudly beside the radio and walked over to open up a new message.

 

His heart skipped a little at the name.

 

**[Viktor]: Just a heads up, Yurio is coming for blood.**

 

Another message buzzes in before he’s able to begin typing.

 

**[Viktor]: He wouldn’t stop bugging me about last night. I told him to mind his business but that just made him angrier.**

 

Yuuri chuckled, shaking his head as he began to type out a message to his husband.

 

**[Sent]: An angrier Yurio? I’m shocked**

 

Yuuri leaned against the wall with ease, watching the three dots signal that he was typing.

 

**[Viktor]: I know right? It’s unheard of**

 

**[Viktor]: I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to him about it**

 

**[Viktor]: About last night I mean**

 

Yuuri chewed on his lip, fingers hovering over his keyboard as he weighed his options. If Yuri had already tried Viktor, he was more likely to come to the Japanese man for answers. And Yuuri _did_ drag him into it last night by texting him, looking for Viktor. He blew out a sigh before typing out his response.

 

**[Sent]: I’ll talk to him. Not about...everything but I did drag him into it last night.**

 

**[Sent]: It would be rude if I didn’t…**

 

**[Sent]: Right?**

 

The response came almost immediately and his words made him smile.

 

[ **Viktor]: It’s up to you, zvezda. I think you’re right though. He deserves some type of explanation. But...maybe not everything?**

 

**[Sent]: Okay. I won’t mention the therapy. But maybe that we’ve been fighting? Just basic stuff. Sound good?**

 

**[Viktor]: Sounds good to me!**

 

**[Sent]: :)**

 

**[Viktor]: oh before I forget**

 

**[Viktor]: I made an appointment with a therapist. Does Friday at 4 sound good to you?**

 

**[Sent]: Yeah, that works. My last class on Friday leaves at 2 so that gives me some time to get home to shower and change**

 

**[Viktor]: Okay great. It’s a half day for me on Friday so that works for me too**

 

**[Sent]: Perfect :)**

 

“You texting the Husband?”

 

Svetlana’s question got his attention, feeling the soft smile strain against his lips as it fell slightly. He nodded, pushing his hand through his hair gently. “Yeah, just warning me that Yuri’s on his way. Apparently, he’s pissed. Which is normal, so.” He shrugged as he locked his phone and turned his attention to the blonde, who was slipping off her ballet shoes and slipping them into her bag. How much time passed by?

 

“Isn’t he always. But dammit if he’s not talented. If he wasn’t so focused on skating, he could be a _hell_ of a dancer. He’s...flexible.” She giggled as once again her eyebrow waved suggestively.

 

Yuuri snorted, shaking his head as a slight blush burned his neck. “You’re just like a teenage boy, I swear.” He laughed softly, pushing his phone in his pocket before leaning back against the wall with his attention towards her. “Did you hear back from that audition yet?”

 

Her face fell slightly and if Yuuri wasn’t looking, he would have missed it. “Not yet. They’re taking their sweet ass time with it though.” There was humor laced in the insult but Yuuri could see the anxiety radiating off of her.

 

“You’re an amazing dancer, Lana. They’d be a fool for not casting you.” Yuuri said with a small but warm smile as a wide grin split her smile. “You got this, Lana.”

 

“You’re the best, Yuuri. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here to keep me sane.” Svetlana said as she pushed herself off of the floor and bounded over to him, throwing her arms around him to pull him into a tight hug.

 

Yuuri chuckled, squeezing her back for a moment before pulling away and giving her a confident smile as she picked up her bag and threw it over her shoulder.

 

She waved him goodbye as she made her leave, leaving Yuuri alone for the first time that day. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not. He sighed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his music for some background noise as he made his way to his small little office in the back of the studio. He made sure to close the door and finally found a soft and mellow tune that could help him concentrate.

 

He didn’t get too far along in working on his paperwork before he heard the loud crash of the door swinging open to the open studio. He sighed heavily, pushing a hand through his hair before making his way out into the studio. Might as well get this over with.

 

“Hey, Yurio.”

 

The blonde whipped his head towards the older man, his hair flowing gracefully to his mid-back. The younger skater had really grown in the past six years. He was always lean but he had filled out with the muscles that were sometimes needed in the sport. He had filled out and even grew in his maturity. Of course, he was still known as the Russian punk but he had (to Yuuri’s surprise) softened up towards the Japanese man. He had lost some of his flexibility, something that he continually complained about every time Yuuri helped him with his choreography.

 

“Katsudon.” Yuri dropped his duffel bag near the front of the room and pulling his long hair into a messy bun at the top of his head. “Can I practice here? I just need somewhere quiet that doesn’t have a bunch of losers yapping in my ear.”

 

Although Yuri had calmed down in recent years, the lack of bite in his tone was a little alarming to Yuuri. He blinked at his question, only being taken off guard for a moment before he straightened himself out.

 

Yuuri crossed his arms and leaned against the wall but nodded. “Of course. You know you’re always welcome here, Yurio. I’m just gonna be working on some stuff in the office. I’m closing up in an hour.” He said as the younger man began to stretch out in the empty space of the studio before pushing himself off of the wall to walk back towards the office.

 

So...maybe Yuri didn’t want to question it.

 

Which really didn’t bother Yuuri at all because not only did he have _so_ much work to do still but he didn’t like putting out his and Viktor’s problems into the world. And it’s not like he couldn’t trust Yuri. Even with his sometimes rotten attitude, Yuuri considers the younger man a close friend. He would trust him with his life.

 

But this was Yuuri’s and Viktor’s issues. It was _their_ marriage. And although he divulged some basic information with Phichit, he didn’t go into specifics. _We’re fighting again_ is what he would say. Phichit didn’t need to know the specifics and he really didn’t push for them. And for that, Yuuri was thankful.

 

It was about 30 minutes of silence. Yuuri had kept his door open, something that he did as a precaution in case something were to happen to Yuri during his practice. As he finally finished ordering the costumes, which was another headache in itself, and moved towards his daily overview of the studio’s records, he didn’t notice at first that there was a figure at the door.

 

“So, what’s going on with you and the old man?”

 

Yuuri looked up from the papers on his desk, noting the sheen of sweat on Yuri’s brow as he leaned against the door frame. Without answering his question, he put down his pen and turned in his chair to a small mini fridge beside his desk to pull out a bottle of water. He sat it on the desk in front of a set of chairs. Yuri took the hint and sank down into one of them before taking the water bottle, setting his duffle bag on the floor beside him.

 

“You still had about 30 minutes before I closed up shop.”

 

“Don’t change the subject. What’s going on with you two?” Yuri said bluntly but there was no anger in his tone, only curiosity. He took a couple of sips of the water, draining it slowly before watching Yuuri expectantly as he awaited his answer.

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, not wanting to dive deep into the conversation and hopefully steer him away from the conversation in general.

 

Yuri huffed, shaking his head before setting the bottle back on the desk in front of him. “You know what I mean. You’re both so fucking crabby all the time and it’s not normal.”

 

“Viktor’s been busy, _I’ve_ been busy. Sometimes busy people are crabby, Yurio.”

 

“That’s not it and you know it, piggy.”

 

Yuuri huffed, shaking his head as he leaned back in his chair slightly. “Really? Going back to those old nicknames?”

 

“You call me Yurio.” The younger man shrugged slightly, crossing his feet at the ankles on top of Yuuri’s desk.

 

A long sigh slipped from Yuuri’s lips as he realized that Yuri was not going anywhere until he got his answers. He would call it determination if it wasn’t annoying him at the moment. “I suppose that’s true.”

 

“I know it’s true. Now tell me. You owe me for last night. I had to run all around St. Petersburg trying to find him. I thought he went and did something stupid.” He grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest and suddenly, all Yuuri could see was the 15-year-old Yuri making his senior debut. He tried to ignore the feeling of being old as he nodded.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. We’ve...uh, me and Viktor have been fighting recently. That’s all.” Yuuri answered lamely, shrugging nonchalantly like the fighting was just little bickering. Yuuri wished it was only bickering.

 

Yuri’s brow shot up, curiosity evident in his expression. “Is it serious?”

 

 _Dammit._ How could he see through Yuuri so easily? Was he that evident in his emotions, in his thoughts?

 

Before he could answer, Yuri breathed out a seemingly hesitant and nervous follow-up question. “Is it _divorce_ serious?”

 

“No! No, uh...god no. No.” Yuuri said quickly, his chest stuttering at the mere _mention_ of divorce. No, he couldn’t do that. No matter their issues, Yuuri could never divorce Viktor. It would physically hurt him to, even more than he was already hurting. He took a deep breath to calm himself before furthering his answer. “No, it’s not like that. We’ve just been having some...difficulties. And it just came to a head last night. We’re fine, though.” He said with a definite nod, his fingers playing with the thread on his shirt.

 

It was quiet for a long while, so quiet that Yuuri had to peek up to view Yuri's expression. It looked calculated and unsure like he was trying to figure out if Yuuri had lied to him. They sat for a long moment before Yuri huffed.

 

“Just tell me if you ever want me to punch the old man for you, Katsudon.” He said as he pulled out his phone and began silently tapping on his screen.

 

Yuuri couldn’t help the soft chuckle as he picked his pen back up, thankful for the lack of fussing over the information and the silent company. “Of course, Yurio. Thanks.”

 

They spent the rest of the hour in relative silence, something that doesn’t bother Yuuri anymore. At first, it was awkward and he felt like he needed to fill the silence. But now it’s a comfortable silence. He doesn’t know why Yuri decided to stay there, feet on the desk and scrolling through his phone when Yuuri was sure that he probably wanted to go home and shower and get on with the rest of his day. But he doesn’t question it. He takes the companionship that Yuri gives him for those remaining minutes and when he starts filing away his things, Yuri looks up and locks his phone. He stands at the door, duffle bag over his shoulder as he waits for the older man to switch everything off and cut off the light.

 

They go their separate ways when they step out into the cool St. Petersburg breeze. Yuri looks to the older man, almost hesitating before he speaks. “If you need anything, text me.” And with the grumble, he turns and walks in the opposite direction. Yuuri can’t help but smile for a moment before turning and making his way home.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next week passed mercilessly, unbearably so. Yuuri was already a bundle filled with nerves and although Viktor stayed calm and collected, the younger man could sense the tension that was bubbling up within his husband. They were both nervous, unsure of what their first therapy session would bring. They didn’t talk too much about their issues throughout the week mainly because they knew that they would be talking nonstop about them on Friday but also because their hectic schedules didn’t allow them to.

 

Although the skating season is over, Viktor is working tirelessly to prepare for the upcoming skating season. In addition, Yuuri’s ballet recital for his studio is coming up and it seems like everything is going wrong. Wrong sizes for the costumes. The venue was making a fuss because it’s under new management from the other times Yuuri used them. Everything seemed wrong and Yuuri was _stressed._

 

Something that was actually going right, though, was their lack of fighting. Yuuri chalked it up to be that they were actively trying to prevent fighting but it was working. There were no screaming matches that vibrated the apartment walls or cold sheets when Yuuri woke to get ready for his day. It wasn’t the same as before, there was still that tension. When Viktor held Yuuri and kissed his temple, it was almost hesitant like they were getting used to each other again. Which wouldn’t bother Yuuri if it wasn’t for the fact that they had already gone through that phase when they first got together.

 

But he didn’t speak of his hurt. He just let Viktor embrace him and envelope him in his warm love. He pressed soft kisses on his cheeks on the way out of the door for work and lingering kisses when they said good night.

 

They were creating their new normal, something that they needed to do regardless of how much it hurt. But this was good. This was good for them. This was the calm before the storm that therapy could possibly bring. And they were ready.

 

Maybe.

 

When Friday came and the pair walked into the counselor’s office, Yuuri didn’t know what to expect. He knew the basics. He knew that there would be talking, _lots_ of talking. He knew that the counselor, Natalya Petrovna, was highly skilled and very discreet when it came to their therapy, something that Yuuri was very thankful for.

 

Before Yuuri knew it, they were sitting on a plush couch with the clock on the wall ticking loudly.

 

“So…” The warm smile of the brunette woman shone towards the pair of them, patience in her dark eyes as she clicks her pen and presses it to the notebook in her lap. “Why don’t we start with why the two of you are here today? How about we start with you, Viktor?”

 

Viktor nodded, clasping his hands together in his lap. It was a casual gesture but something that Yuuri recognized as Viktor trying to keep his nerves at bay, his emotions under control. It was something he learned with all of the fame and recognition from his skating career.

“We’ve been...fighting more than usual and it’s gotten to the point where we don’t know what else to do.” He said slowly, seemingly unsure of to what extent of information that the counselor needed. She had a neutral expression but nodded in response to his explanation before jotting down something in her notebook. She turned her attention toward Yuuri.

 

“Oh, um...yeah. It’s not just bickering, it’s full-blown fighting. It feels....” Yuuri struggled for a moment and glanced at Viktor who was looking at him with intent, seemingly hanging onto every word. There was a certain desperation in his eyes and Yuuri couldn’t help but his breath to be caught in his throat. It took him a moment for the severity of this meeting to hit him and when he did, he felt _so_ stupid.  

 

_Oh._

 

It hits him like a ton of bricks and he has to mentally curse himself for a moment for not fully understand the opportunity that they have, that _he_ has. This was a safe space, Yuuri was sure. This was the place that they could pour everything out and get everything off of their chests in the sense of fixing their marriage.

 

“It feels like we’re losing each other and that’s the last thing I want.” He said and for a moment, he couldn’t look away from Viktor’s searching eyes. He could see the emotions that flashed in his gaze, mirroring the same emotions that Yuuri was beginning to have built up inside him. He turned his attention back to her, his own hands clasping together tightly as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “With every fight, it feels like we’re growing further apart. We just need help or advice or...I’m not entirely sure, this is my first time doing this so I’m not familiar with the process, Dr. Petrovna.”

 

“Please, call me Natalya.” She said with a kind smile, waiting for the nod of recognition from both of them before continuing further in a soothing and patient tone. “What I’m here to do is moreover to play mediator and to steer the conversation between the two of you to the issues that lay unresolved in your relationship. I’m here to give you coping mechanisms, if needed, and to also give some constructive criticism and insight on how to deal with the arguments that you have on repeat.”

 

Natalya pauses for a moment, letting them process her words before she moves on. “The first session is mainly just gathering information and seeing where we can start the process of working through the issues in the marriage. Just remember that I’m here to help you both work through the issues and to give you the information to help you in the future when it comes to maintaining your relationship.”

 

Yuuri glanced over to Viktor, who was nodding slowly as he processed the information. As if he felt Yuuri’s eyes on him, he turned and caught his gaze with a soft smile. In his gaze, there’s something that fills Yuuri with hope. An answer, Yuuri realizes.

 

An answer that tells Yuuri that Viktor wants this to work. He wants to bend over backward and walk through the sludge and fight to his very last breath...just to stay close to Yuuri.

 

An answer that is so clear, so focused in his eyes that challenges the determination that Yuuri had seen in his husband since meeting him.

 

An answer that made Yuuri’s own heart leap with faith, with the hope that _yes they can do this._

 

Yuuri’s lips curved into a soft smile and nodded slightly, turning his attention back to Natalya. “That sounds wonderful. We’re willing to do the work.”

 

Natalya smiled, her eyes crinkling at the action. “Great! If you have any other questions during these sessions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I want this to be a safe place for you two.”

 

Yuuri could feel Viktor relaxing beside of him, his hands loosening in his lap and Yuuri couldn’t help but mirror the actions. He smiled slightly, nodding in response.

 

“Okay, so let’s go ahead and dive right in. Why don’t you tell me about your first big fight?” She asked, her pen poised over her notepad as she looked patiently to the pair on the plush couch.

 

Yuuri took a moment, weaving through his memory before stumbling upon their first fight. He couldn’t help his heart from skipping a beat, feeling his neck heat up instantly at the memory. He felt Viktor beside him tense momentarily before he cleared his throat.

 

“It was back before we got married. The year that we met. Maybe a few months after the skating season ended, when we were going back into training for the next season…” Viktor started in an even voice. He was cool and collected but the tension hadn’t left his frame, not completely anyway.

 

Yuuri’s memory was playing back in his mind, the memory still clear as if it had just happened yesterday.

  


_Yuuri heaved a tired sigh, throwing himself down on the couch before tilting back his head. His eyes roamed over the ceiling for a brief moment before closing them with another sigh. His body ached with the harsh training that the day had requested, his legs throbbing and feeling of rubber from the multiple jumps he attempted (the majority of them failing, of course). He barely registered Makka settling herself next to him, laying her head on his lap with a huff._

 

_Yuuri’s lips quirked up slightly at her seemingly agitated huff of not receiving the attention she normally gets when he comes in. He scratched her head gently, slowly running his fingers through her fur. “Such a good girl, Makka.” He murmured, a soft smile curling on his lips as he took another sigh and his previous agitation from practice starting to dissipate._

 

_He knew that Viktor was just doing his job as Yuuri’s coach. He knew that there was a difference between Viktor in practice, calling out commands and Viktor in wrapped around Yuuri as they prepare dinner together, peppering kisses into Yuuri’s neck. He knew that he shouldn’t take Viktor’s at times harsh criticism to heart when it came to their personal relationship. But some days were harder to push back that logic._

 

_Some days like today._

 

_It had been a brutal practice, mentally and physically. No matter how hard that Yuuri tried, he couldn’t perfect his jumps, which was something that he knew going into practice. His jumps were always something that Yuuri could just hope for the best. Yuuri knew that he wasn’t skating his best and with each passing minute, his irritation was starting to show._

 

_His words became snappy, his normally high stamina wavering by each attempt. He would grit his teeth each time Viktor was call out a “Straighten your spine!” or “Tighten it up!”, huffing out when the result was almost as terrible as the last couple of attempts._

 

_Viktor, who was normally calm and collected when it came to coaching Yuuri, seemed to lose his cool several times when he’d snap at the younger skater. It was something that may have made Yuuri go in on himself but on this particular day, he was already agitated and it only fueled the fire._

 

_When they finally called it a day, they spent the walk home talking about what Yuuri needed to improve on and although he agreed, the way that he was phrasing the criticism dug into his nerves and made him grit his teeth._

 

Must be nice not to mess up every now and then, _Yuuri had thought as they began to climb the stairs to their apartment._ Must be nice not to make mistakes. Must be nice to be perfect in everything you do.

 

_Viktor seemed to catch the headspace that Yuuri was wallowing in because when they clamored through their door, he made a beeline for the shower with a quiet murmur that Yuuri didn’t catch. He didn’t ask him to repeat it._

 

 _He could hear the shower run from the bathroom and keeping his eyes closed, he focused on the soft fur and the sigh of happiness that breathed from Makka. He needed to calm himself back down and leave the frustration back at the rink. This was_ their _space. Not as fellow skaters or coaches but lovers. This is where they fell deeper in love every day if that were even possible. This was not where that frustration from a hard day of training was supposed to stay._

 

_He meant to anyway. Instead, he ended up dozing off for a moment as the warmth of their home finally reached his aching bones and Makka’s fur was just too soft. And when Viktor shook him awake, Yuuri forgot all about his previous endeavors to calm his agitation and grumbled as he blinked his eyes opened and looked towards the older man._

 

_“Yuuri? Why don’t you take a hot bath? You’ve had a rough practice.”_

 

_Maybe it was some of the leftover agitation from practice. Or the lack of sleep from the previous night that made him grumpy. Or maybe it was just because he was comfortable with a napping Makka in his lap and he just didn’t want to move. Maybe it was all of it that made him grumble, “Yeah well we all can’t have perfect practices, can we?”_

 

_Viktor’s hand on his shoulder froze for a moment before withdrawing his hand quickly, as if he had been physically burned by his words. Viktor huffed, his brow furrowing as his arms crossed across his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”_

 

_“It means that I’m not perfect, Viktor.” Yuuri snapped as he jumped up, startling Makka as she jumps up from the couch to pad over to her bed to watch the pair with a soft whine. “No matter how hard you try, I’m never going to be.”_

 

_“I never said that you were.” Viktor said slowly, ignoring the anger that seemed to radiate from the younger skater. His response seemed to ebb on Yuuri’s agitation, his fist tightening by his sides. “Yuuri, where is this coming from? Did something happen?”_

 

_Yuuri huffed, shaking his head. “You are always trying to make me perfect. But we can’t all be perfect like you, Viktor. I never will be. No matter...no matter what you do. I don’t need you to keep reminding me that you’re too perfect to be with me. I already tell myself that you’re too good for me.” The words just fell from his mouth, his mind unable to hold up the barrier that he had been holding up ever since that first kiss at the Cup of China._

 

_The agitation and frustration fell from his shoulders, like the weight of the world had fallen from his shoulder. For a moment, his declaration of his deepest fear made him feel at ease and relieved. He had held that sentiment inside for the longest time, something that he had held in for the longest time. The constant knot in his chest seemed to finally loosen._

 

_For about a second._

 

_His eyes finally focused in on Viktor’s and his breath hitched at the heartbreaking expression of pure hurt on his face. There was a long moment of silence, the tension building as the knot began to weave back into the bottom of Yuuri’s stomach._

 

_“Is that what you think? That I’m perfect?” Viktor’s words were soft, a mere breath but the words held more than questions...it held hurt. Yuuri felt his chest constrict as the weight of his words came crashing onto him. But before he could say anything, Viktor continued with a shaky voice._

 

 _“I thought you were different. I thought you were someone who saw me as Viktor and not some…._ skating legend.” _He practically spat out the word, his face contorting into an expression of disgust and a slight edge of hurt. “If anyone knows I’m not perfect, it should be you.”_

 

 _Yuuri was quiet for a moment, taking in his words as his heart began to hammer against his chest. He fucked up. He fucked up_ bad. _“I…” He opened his mouth only to close it after a moment of unable to find the words to say._

 

 _“I just...I don’t understand.” Viktor said, his face reddening as his voice began to rise. “If this was about practice, you do realize that I push you because I_ want _you to get better and to win gold. Even if it means that I didn’t. Because that’s what a partner does. They challenge you. They push you to become better. They_ want _you to be better, for your sake not their own. And that’s what I’m doing. And if you can’t see that…” Viktor’s chest was rising as his teeth grit, seemingly trying to control his anger before he continued. “If you can’t see that then I don’t think I know you as well as I thought-as I hoped I did.”_

 

_And without another word, Viktor stalked into their bedroom and closing the door with a loud slam after Makka slipped in after him. The sound of the slammed door rang through Yuuri’s head, along with his words that were filled with more hurt and anger that he’d ever heard from Viktor._

 

_He had hit a nerve that he didn’t even know that Viktor had._

 

_Yuuri Katsuki was a damn fool._

  


There was a heavy silence in the office except for the sharp scratch of Natalya’s pen against the paper. Her eyes were set on the clean script, leaving the pair on the couch to sit in silence and wait for what was to come next.

 

While they spoke about that first fight, Yuuri couldn’t help the familiar twist of guilt eat away inside his chest. He knew that he never could apologize enough for the pain that he caused Viktor. Knowing him better now, Yuuri knows the fear that Viktor had—and still sometimes does—about people only loving Viktor Nikiforov, skating legend and celebrity of the skating world instead of Viktor, the goofy man who loves walking around the apartment naked and singing off tune in the shower and who gives the best morning kisses and loves Yuuri so unconditionally that it sometimes hurts.

 

Yuuri understands now but he hates that he didn’t beforehand.

 

He sneaked a peek at Viktor, who looked like he was miles away in his mind. Emotion seemed to grip Yuuri’s neck, shooting down into his chest.

 

_He did that._

 

He swallowed and hesitantly reached over to cover Viktor’s hand gently, in the form of another apology. Viktor’s eyes snapped out of their daze, moving to meet the younger man’s before smiling sadly and intertwining their hands together. Yuuri returned the sad smile, his thumb rubbing gently against Viktor’s soft skin. He hoped his remorse shown in his eyes but he wasn’t able to question it, as the scratching of Natalya’s pen halted before she adjusted her attention to them. They both turned back to her, waiting.

 

“This fight seems like it really hurt you, Viktor.” Natalya said in observation like she was merely stating a fact. At Viktor’s questioning gaze, she smiled slightly and continued. “As you were telling the story, I could tell that it really hit a nerve for you. Can you explain why that hurt you?”

 

Viktor looked taken aback at her request and for a moment, his grip on Yuuri’s hand tightened. But after a moment, he relaxed and nodded before clearing his throat. “Uh...yeah. With my skating career going back to a when I was a kid, the media that followed once I made my name was ruthless. I had people telling me to act a certain way, to eat certain things, to make sure my appearance was a certain way. They wanted me to be perfect.”

 

The shame coiled in Yuuri’s stomach at his words but he kept his eyes on Viktor, taking in every expression and every word. It was the least he could do.

 

“But then it changed. They didn’t just _want_ me to be perfect, they _needed_ me to be perfect in order to get certain sponsors or keep certain sponsors. They didn’t want me to show any sadness or anger or anything. They just wanted me to be happy or at least _look_ happy, for the camera sake. Even when I was lonely, I had to smile through it to uphold that persona of _perfection_.”

Viktor’s words were collected and calm but as he continued, his words began to waver slightly and it just made Yuuri’s chest ache.

 

“But then I met Yuuri.”

 

He turned slightly, giving him a soft smile and Yuuri could swear that his eyes had softened at the mere mention of his name. Yuuri’s lips curved into a warm smile, the hint of sadness still present. Viktor turned his attention back towards Natalya, who was giving the pair a simple smile.

 

“And yeah, at first he was a little star struck. He had posters of me all over his room, you see.” Viktor breathed out a laugh, which earned an amused groan from his counterpart. “But once he was over that, it was like he saw me…for me. Not for Viktor Nikiforov but for _Viktor_. And I didn’t have to worry about being perfect for him.”

 

Viktor sighed shakily, chewing at his lip slightly before continuing. “But that fight...I know it was mainly due to fatigue and frustration but when he suddenly was saying that I was not only perfect but _too perfect_ for him, it hurt. It hurt a lot.”

 

“So you felt a little betrayed by Yuuri for buying into the stereotype, regardless of your relationship and the freedom that you felt to be _Viktor_ with him.” Natalya stated, her dark eyes focused on Viktor who hesitated before nodding slightly.

 

There was a long silence, only to be interrupted by Natalya scratching what seemed like a few words onto her notebook before looking over to Yuuri.

 

“You thought he was _too_ perfect for you? Was this due to his status as a skater or in general?” She asked curiously, no drop of malice in her tone.

 

Yuuri took a shaky breath before answering. “Yes, I...I grew up watching him skate. He’s what got me into skating. And suddenly I’m on this whirlwind of him being my coach and then developing _feelings_ for him. It was kind of like…” He hesitated for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip before continuing per Natalya’s gentle smile.

 

“It was kind of like having a crush on a celebrity. You _know_ that they’re out of your league. They could be with any other celebrity or _anyone_ else. I’m not proud of thinking like this.” He said quickly, eyes wide as he felt his neck heat up. “But it was my initial thought.”

 

Natalya nodded, closing her notebook and leaning forward. Yuuri’s eyes glanced over to the clock on the wall, surprised to see that their hour was almost up. How long had they been talking?

 

“Thank you both for sharing that information with me. I’m grateful that you are both very honest and open with your relationship in order to fix the issues within. We’re going to stop here for today and until our next appointment, I want you both to work on your communication. I understand you are both very busy people but I want to make sure that each night, regardless of what time and how late it is, you both sit down and talk about how you are feeling. It doesn’t have to be too deep, not at first anyway. Ask about each other’s day. Explain your emotions and _why_ you’re feeling them.”

 

She pauses for a moment, seemingly gathering her thoughts before continuing. “And if you do fight, which is normal, I don’t want you to walk away. Even if you’re fuming mad, I want you to sit in a neutral place and talk through the emotions and _why_ you’re angry or _what_ the pushing factor to the fight was. Perhaps a dining room table or the living room. But it’s very important to stay together after these fights. Can you do that for me?”

 

Yuuri nodded immediately, glad to finally have a place to start to fix their marriage. “Definitely.” He started, determination in his brow before turning towards Viktor. The older man had a slow smile on his lips but he was nodding as well.

 

Natalya nodded, a bright smile slipping her lips before standing. “Wonderful. I want you to see the receptionist on your way out and schedule an appointment in two weeks. And I’ll see you both then!”

  


* * *

  


_Yuuri stood in front of their bedroom door, his eyes burning red from the realization of how incredibly fucked up he sounded. He should have known. He should have known that it would be a sore spot for him. He should have…_

 

_His feet shuffled slightly, his teeth chewing on his lip before turning the knob open slowly. The room was dark, the red glow of their bedside clock glaring at him from across the room. It was late. Or early, depending on how you looked at it. Makka was curled up on the bed, Viktor’s figure curved around the sleeping dog’s frame. His heart caught in his throat as he seen the tissues scattered over the floor._

 

_He took a tentative step into the room. He had showered, only minutes beforehand so his hair was still wet as he pulled some boxers out of his drawer. After a long moment of hesitation, he sank into the bed behind Viktor and he felt the slight jolt that elated from the older skater. He heard a shaky sigh and he wrapped his arms around Viktor’s middle, pulling Viktor flush against his chest. The skin on skin contact helped soothed his racing heart but he knew that this was not an apology._

 

_“I’m so sorry, Viktor.” He whispered into the darkness of their room, his eyes trailing from his silver locks down the nape of his neck. “I crossed a line today and I hurt you. I’m sorry.”_

 

_Yuuri could feel Viktor’s hand brush over his gently for a moment before the older man shifted in the bed, the rustling of the covers loud in the eerie silence of the night as he turned to face Yuuri._

 

_A sad smile laid over his lips and Yuuri couldn’t help but his heart to ache at the puffiness of Viktor’s eyes. His thumb reached up and brushed softly underneath those icy eyes before leaning his forehead against his, closing his eyes. “Is there any way you can forgive me?”_

 

_He didn’t expect an immediate answer and he definitely didn’t expect a soft kiss to play against his lips in response. He savored the long moment, the gentleness of the kiss as the anxiety in his chest unraveled._

 

_After a moment, Viktor pulls away and nuzzles into Yuuri’s neck while intertwining their legs. “Just stay close to me.” He murmurs quietly into Yuuri’s chest, his voice cracking._

 

_“Of course, Vitya.” Yuuri whispers as he nods slightly, pressing a gentle kiss on Viktor’s temple as the older skater laid on his chest and soon the sound of his soft breath of sleep filled the air._

 

 _It takes a while for Yuuri to fall asleep, with his mind going faster than the speed of light. He couldn’t stop thinking about the hurt in Viktor’s expression, the tears that were shed after the door slam shut, the betrayal that Viktor had felt. He hated it,_ hated _the fact that he hurt his Vitya, his Viktor. How selfish must he be, how insensitive._

 

_But that was going to change. He was going to fix this. He was going to make sure that he would never hurt Viktor that way again. He would never make him cry in sadness again._

 

_He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him, not even for a second._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (that were taken from Google translate, to be honest. If I have goofed on the translation, please don't hesitate to correct me): 
> 
> zvezda = star  
> Я ненавижу, что я являюсь причиной вашей боли. = I hate that I'm the cause of your pain. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and don't hesitate to give kudos/comments/criticism! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go great...until they don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so there wasn't supposed to be such a long time in between updates but the holidays happened and then my muse just like...went away? But I'm sorry that it's been a while. This chapter was such a headache to write, I had to not only rewrite this chapter about three times but I also had to split it into two because in the first draft, this chapter was a monster. But that also means that more chapters! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! <3

_ Eyes were focused on the pair at the altar, the cherry blossoms blowing gently in the April breeze above them as songbirds in the distance cut through the brief silence. Yuuri could feel the eyes of their family and friends, patiently waiting but he couldn’t focus on the attention. Not when his hands were held by the gentlest touch and his eyes kept by the warmest ice that Yuuri had ever seen.  _

 

_ Yuuri could vaguely remember what the minister had said, too focused on the curve of Viktor’s smile and how unfairly gorgeous he looked in his all white suit. His pale complexion seemed to glow and Yuuri felt his chest ache with the knowledge that this was what  _ happiness  _ looked like on Viktor.  _

 

_ And dammit if it’s a look that Yuuri will spend the rest of his life making sure never slips from his face.  _

 

_ A slight squeeze of his hand pulled Yuuri back into this moment, his eyes meeting the icy blue ocean that he would happily drown in. Viktor smile warmed and Yuuri could tell that he was preparing himself for the words to come. Already, Yuuri’s chest ache and he knew that he wasn’t going to get through this with dry eyes.  _

 

_ “My Yuuri. My inspiration. My love. My soulmate.” Viktor’s voice was soft as if speaking to a lover in an embrace. Yuuri squeezed Viktor’s hand in response, feeling as though Viktor was the only thing tethering him to the ground and preventing him from floating away. Viktor’s breath caught for a moment, his thumb rubbing Yuuri’s knuckles gently before continuing.  _

 

_ “Before you, I was lost. I was lost in the world that I created. I had everything I thought that I wanted, that I needed. I had everything I thought would make me happy. But I was missing something. I was missing something to inspire me to become better: a better me, a better person, a better skater. I looked and looked for something to fill that void, something to make me  _ feel  _ again. I thought it didn’t exist. Until I met you.”  _

 

_ Yuuri swallowed the lump and the ache that was threatening to burst from his throat, his hand squeezing the older man’s hand gently. They had talked about their love for one another before and the extent of it. Viktor had whispered the same sentiment into the darkness as they laid in bed, Yuuri quickly chasing the words with a soft and gentle kiss. He knew the disconnection that Viktor had felt, to an extent. But it didn’t make it hurt less, to know that while he was holding the mask tight to his face for the public while he was falling apart on the inside.  _

 

_ “I’ve never met anyone like you, Yuuri. I never will—and I don’t want to. You opened my eyes and my heart to love when I was content on locking everyone out. You’ve made me the happiest man alive, waking up everyone morning to see your smile, hear your laugh...see your blush.” Viktor chuckles softly, brushing his thumb over the pink dusting that was spread over Yuuri’s cheeks before returning back to hold his hand tight. Yuuri could barely register the soft hum of quiet laughter through their audience as he had focused once again on Viktor as he continued. “I promise you that I will be there for you through every win and every loss. Every smile and every tear. Every laugh and every shout. I promise that I’ll do my best to show you every day how much you mean to me, how much I care for you. I promise that I’ll show you every day how much I love you, no matter the consequence. I love you, Yuuri. And I always will.” The last words were barely audible but he knew it wasn’t said to be heard by anyone other than Yuuri. He could feel the emotion rise and fall with his chest, the same emotion that was mirrored in Viktor’s eyes as Viktor slipped the same golden band that he had worn since that night in front of the church onto his finger. It didn’t feel right to get new bands and even if they weren’t as shiny as they were when they first put them on, it only made their meaning grow to use them during the ceremony.  _

 

_ Yuuri realized after a long moment that it was his turn to speak and immediately the nerves began to coil up, gripping him tightly as his eyes drifted over Viktor’s illuminated face. He smiled gently, the mere gesture relaxing the coil that was threatening Yuuri’s anxiety and grounding him.  _

 

_ He took a deep breath as he focused solely on the curve of Viktor’s smile, the gleam of content in his sapphire eyes and the softness of his hands in Yuuri’s. He could feel his heart racing, thrumming against his chest as he began, the words flowing from his lips.  _

 

_ “Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remind myself that this is real, that I’m lucky enough to have you beside of me, to love me. I would have never imagined that too much champagne and hitting rock bottom could bring such light into my life. At first, I was just...mesmerized that someone who I looked up to wanted to coach me.” He could feel Viktor’s hands tighten slightly in his and he made sure to brush his thumb over his knuckles gently.  _

 

_ He knows that the image of Skating Legend Viktor Nikiforov isn’t who Viktor is, not his Viktor. The image that made him create a mask to hide behind, to hide the  _ real _ Viktor. He knows that the fact that he had to hide behind a mask hurts Viktor and it’s something that Viktor is very worried about. It’s something that he doesn’t want Viktor to think about anymore, not with him.  _

 

_ “But then I got to know  _ you.  _ The  _ real _ Viktor. And I was so blown away by how dramatic, silly, loving and caring you are. There is so much more past the Viktor that the world gets to see and I still can’t believe that I get to see it. I get to see you hum in the kitchen as you make breakfast. I get to be the one to kiss you goodnight, to see how cute you are when you’re fighting sleep because, for some odd reason, you don’t want to fall asleep first.” He breathes out a chuckle, trying to ease the lump of emotion that’s beginning to lodge in his throat. Just the mere thought that he was going to wake up next to Viktor for the rest of his life made his soul feel...full. Like a missing puzzle piece finally clicking into place.  _

 

_ Viktor chuckled softly, the soft dusting of a blush spreading over his nose as his hand squeezed his. Yuuri could see unshed but happy tears residing in Viktor’s eyes and it wasn’t the contacts that Phichit talked him into wearing earlier that had his own vision blurring slightly. He took another shaky breath before continuing, the words soft at first and then slowly rising with determination.  _

 

_ “You’ve made me the man that I am today. I’m stronger now, because of you. You’re there with every broken thought, every doubt that I have in myself. You’re there. And I swear that I’ll spend the rest of my life being there for you. No matter what, I’ll always love you Viktor. Nothing you can do can stop me from loving you and I won’t stop loving you until my dying breath. I want to be there for you in the good times and the bad. I want to be there for you when things seem to fall apart. I want to be there for you, always. I promise.” His hands were gentle, sliding the band onto Viktor’s slender finger, thumb running over the band for a moment before returning to intertwine with Viktor’s hand.  _

 

_ Viktor’s watery but bright smile was all that Yuuri could see, blinded by the beauty that was Viktor. He felt Viktor withdraw his hand to brush his thumb across his cheek, taking a stray tear that had fell unbeknownst of Yuuri. He returned the smile, mirroring Viktor’s actions as a tear fell from Viktor’s eye. After a moment, a soft yet slightly broken chuckle slipped from their lips as they tried to compose themselves for the remainder of the ceremony.  _

 

_ Yuuri’s eyes never strayed from Viktor’s, the officiate’s words muffled around them like they were in a bubble of pure  _ happiness.  _ Because Yuuri was beyond happy in this moment. All the stress of planning the wedding and the nerves that were shaking him just an hour prior seemed to fade away with Viktor looking at him like he was the light of his life. He was marrying the love of his life, the  _ light  _ of his life, his soulmate. And by the way Viktor was looking at him, he knew he felt the same. His heart soared higher than any bird could fly.  _

 

_ He could hear the officiate’s words in closing and maybe he should have been paying more attention but all he could focus on was Viktor. Viktor, luminous in his evident love for Yuuri. Viktor, with his shining eyes and a seeming giddiness buzzing underneath his skin. Viktor, who Yuuri couldn’t imagine loving anymore, making him fall deeper into love by just a mere glance as his silver locks swayed in the April wind. He felt his lips curve, barely registering that this was it. This was the moment that would change their dynamic, their relationship.  _

 

_ The wide smile that spread across Viktor’s face brought Yuuri back to reality, his own grin slipping over his lips as he watched those sapphire eyes grow wild with happiness. His heart hammered against his chest as the officiate spoke the final words of the ceremony.  _

 

_ He vaguely remembers saying “I do.” And he can’t hate himself for that because the look of pure happiness on Viktor’s face as he mirrors the same words have him frozen in place, taking in every single detail so he can commit it to memory. He won’t let himself forget this moment, for as long as he lives.  _

 

_ He barely registers the officiate announcing their first kiss as a married couple and Yuuri could tell that Viktor is holding back slightly. He doesn’t blame him, for he wants to kiss every inch of Viktor’s face and every freckle that only he gets to see. He just sends him a watery smile and leans in.  _

 

_ Viktor cradled his face in his hands, Yuuri’s own hands resting on his waist as the older man pulled him into a soft and gentle kiss. He could hear the applause from their audience that Yuuri forgot about for a long moment but he couldn’t focus on that with his fiance’s–no his  _ husband’s– _ gentle kiss on his lips. The only thought that goes through his mind with Viktor’s soft kiss and his hands cradling him like he’s the most delicate china in the world. _

 

_ He could definitely get used to kissing his husband for the rest of his life.  _

  
  
  


_ His husband. _

  
  
  


_ His  _ husband. 

  
  
  


_ All too soon, Viktor is pulling away and it takes Yuuri a moment to realize that his eyes are still closed and he probably looks like an absolute  _ idiot  _ who had never been kissed. But when he finally opens his eyes, Viktor is looking at him like he’s seeing the sun for the very first time. And Yuuri can’t help but love that his husband is looking at him that way. It makes him feel...loved.  _

 

_ But then again, Viktor has always made him feel loved.  _

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


The next few weeks pass by without a second thought, leaving Yuuri’s brain fried from late hours at the studio. Costumes, venues and last minute teenage temper tantrums fill Yuuri’s days as quiet dinners with gentle touches and soft laughter fills his evenings. It’s balance in the best way, not only for himself but for their relationship. 

 

The night of their first therapy session was an awkward one, at first. They had gone home hand in hand, the silence not yet uncomfortable. They worked in the kitchen, preparing dinner with soft music playing from the Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen. After a few minutes of silence, Yuuri could hear the soft hum coming from his husband beside him as he cut up some vegetables. He couldn’t help but smile, sneaking glances every now and then as they worked in seemingly harmony preparing dinner. 

 

After sitting down with a glass of wine and the soft clinks of the china filling the silence, Viktor broke the silence with a hesitant clearing of his throat. 

 

“That was a good session, don’t you think?” 

 

Yuuri nodded, taking a sip from his glass before answering. “Yeah. Natalya really is great. She was...different than what I thought it would be like. I was picturing…” He trailed off, pushing around a carrot on his plate. 

 

“Lying on a couch, talking about your childhood?” Viktor supplied, a soft smirk playing the corner of his lips. 

 

“Exactly.” Yuuri chuckled softly, stabbing the carrot with his fork. “It felt just like...talking to a friend. I like her. Did you like her? Her style?” He asked before popping the food in his mouth, watching his husband. 

 

Viktor nodded, taking a sip of his wine before clearing his throat. “Yeah, I really did.” His voice was gentle, thoughtful as he took a moment to think of his next words. “I think she could really help us. I really do. Just with what she talked to us about today, she really puts some things into perspective.” 

 

“I agree. I’m just really glad that we’re doing this.” Yuuri smiled, hesitating for only a moment before reaching out to lay his hand over Viktor’s with a gentle smile. He was rewarded with a soft smile, Viktor’s thumb running over his in a loving gesture. 

 

“I am too, moye zoloto.” A warm smile curved over Viktor’s lips, the softness of the gesture hitting Yuuri straight in the chest and for the hundredth time that day, he’s thankful that they’re working on their relationship because Yuuri would move the moon just to see that smile for a moment. 

 

After a few moments of the shared gaze, they went back to their dinner and soon idle talk filled the silence. They mostly talked about their respective careers. They talked about the young skater that puts Viktor in mind of his younger self, which only made Viktor call Yakov  _ immediately  _ and apologize for everything that he put him through in his skating career. They talked about Yuuri’s nearing recital and the stress that he’s holding in his shoulders at the thought of two well-known representatives from the best ballet companies in Russia being in attendance for his older students. They talked long after their plates were empty and the last drop of the wine was gone as laughter filled the kitchen. 

 

For the first time in a long time, it was starting to feel like before. 

Yuuri knew not to get his hopes up. Every night will not be like that first one. He could feel the truth in the realization tremble in his bones but he couldn’t help but know that this was the right path that they have chosen. This was good, this was the beginning. 

 

And Yuuri was okay with that. 

 

As July dragged on, they make sure to put aside some time each day to sit down and talk. For the first few nights, they talked while they eat dinner. They talk about menial topics like the weather or how training is going for Viktor or even how Yuuri almost pulled out his hair after the day he had. It was menial and Yuuri couldn’t understand how this would help them and their  _ issues _ . Yes, he knew that communicating was important but what good is it for them to make idle conversation? How will that help them? 

 

Yuuri’s answer comes that next Friday as he finally crossed the threshold of their apartment around ten o’clock. His eyes were burning with exhaustion, his fingers cramped from the multiple fittings that he had to go through and a wicked headache that was making its way to every inch of his head. Costumes had come in and he not only needed to deal with overbearing parents but also teenagers throwing hissy fits about god knows what. He just wanted food and sleep, maybe even a cuddle from his husband and Makka. But mostly sleep. 

 

He sat his keys and dead phone on the counter, dropping his duffel bag next to the door as he kneeled down to pet the exuberant poodle before she could knock him down on his back. “Hey, Makka. Good girl... Did you have a good day?” He cooed to her softly, scratching behind her ears as she licked any place that she could get her tongue on. Yuuri chuckled, tilting his head up so he could call out into the apartment and avoid Makka from licking his mouth. 

 

“Viktor, I’m home!” 

 

After a moment of silence, Yuuri stood up with a sigh to make his way into the kitchen in hopes of a hot cup of tea to wind down from his terrible day. He filled the kettle, turning on the stove and turned to mingle in the fridge for something light to eat as Makka began to dance at his feet. He chuckled and scratched behind her ears, his heartwarming at her excitable demeanor. He was beginning to wonder why he hadn’t seen Viktor when he heard a shuffle behind him. 

 

Reaching for a yogurt cup that he spotted, he didn’t bother to turn around. “Hey, I was wondering where-”.

 

“Why didn’t you call?” 

 

The roughness of Viktor’s voice froze Yuuri as he withdrew from the fridge, the hard anxiety brewing in the bottom of his chest as he turned to face his husband. Viktor was in a disheveled like state. His hair was sticking up slightly like he just woke from a short nap and he was in a simple shirt and baggy sweatpants. It was his normal lounging clothes. Normally, Yuuri would feel affection swell at the mere sight of Viktor in such a comfortable state. But he couldn’t as his eyes were bitter like the coldest storm, a blizzard of emotions and Yuuri was right in the middle of said storm without as much as a jacket. 

 

“W-What?” Yuuri is taken aback from the sudden question for a moment, Viktor’s words not fully processing before Viktor is speaking again. 

 

“Why didn’t you call? It’s late and you didn’t answer any of my calls or messages.” Viktor said as he leaned against the kitchen island, crossing his arms as the expression on his features becomes unreadable. Then the words hit Yuuri in the gut and he mentally curses himself. 

 

He mirrored his husband’s actions after closing the fridge, yogurt still in his hand as he leaned against the counter. “Yeah...I’m sorry. My phone died. And the studio has been complete  _ hell _ today.” Yuuri groaned slightly, trying to rub the exhaustion from his face before moving his eyes back to meet the icy blue gaze. 

 

Viktor raised his brow, an action that caused a shot of irritation to shoot through Yuuri at the slightly condescending stare that he was receiving. The silence dragged on for a long moment, the tension thick between them as anxious paranoia started to coil within Yuuri’s stomach. 

 

Maybe he wanted to know  _ why  _ it was hell?

 

“We’ve got the recital in a couple of weeks and the costumes just came in. So, I had to do fittings and order more props and we had to take the pictures. Even with Lana’s help, it took  _ all  _ evening. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired.” Yuuri breathed out a humorless chuckle, hoping that maybe the explanation of his lateness could appease his husband’s worry. 

 

It was worry...right?

 

Viktor hummed collectedly, nodding slightly as his eyes dropped to look down at his bare feet but even from a few feet away Yuuri knew that he wasn’t really seeing. He could feel the coil tighten within him as the tension thickened with every passing silent moment shared in the space. 

 

Okay, so he  _ wasn’t  _ wondering why work was hell. 

 

The familiar twinge of irritation plagues his emotions at Viktor’s refusal to speak, his heart beginning to speed up slightly as his head tilted and his eyes narrowed slightly. Yuuri couldn’t even help the slight attitude at his words. “Is...Is there a problem, Viktor? Because you know that I have that recital coming up and I-” 

 

“I just don’t understand.” Viktor said sharply with a sickly sweet smile that only lasted a mere moment on his lips, cutting him off immediately as if he was waiting for him to take the first hit. His eyes flickered up, wild with the ice that Yuuri had become accustomed to seeing these months that they’ve fought. He throat ached at the mere thought. 

 

“Understand what?” Yuuri asked, knowing that the irritation he was currently feeling was mainly because of the exhaustion that ebbed throughout his entire body. He just wanted to go to bed. He just wanted to  _ sleep _ before he had to get up tomorrow and do the same thing  _ again _ . 

 

Yuuri could see Viktor’s jaw clench and the exhaustion just seemed to fuel the irritation. “I don’t understand that when you don’t call to tell me that you’re going to be late, it’s okay. But when  _ I  _ do it, it’s the end of the fucking world.” 

 

“Are you serious right now?” Yuuri asked without thinking, shaking his head as he rubbed his hand over his face. “Viktor, I am  _ tired. _ I’ve had the longest day filled with spoiled kids whining about their costume not being “frilly” enough and dealing with overbearing parents on making sure that their precious child gets a solo that every kid is begging for.” 

 

Viktor breathed out a humorless chuckle, his brow knitting together. “Yeah, I’m completely serious right now. It’s  _ ten o’clock,  _ Yuuri. You usually get home around the time I do and if you don’t, you know to call and tell me.” 

 

“I said that my phone died.” 

 

“Oh, your studio doesn’t have a phone anymore?” 

 

“You know that it does. Didn’t I just say that I’ve been busy all day?” 

 

“That’s not the point, Yuuri.” 

 

“Then what  _ is _ , Viktor?” Yuuri snapped with an annoyed sigh, his jaw clenched and his chest rising just as quickly as his anger.  _ Why now _ ? Why couldn’t he wait until the morning when his mind isn’t as fogged and the exhaustion that he was feeling wasn’t as overwhelming. “Because all I can hear right now is you complaining about things that are out of my control. My phone  _ died _ . I was  _ busy.  _ What more do you want from me?” 

 

Yuuri did not like that his anger was getting the best of him right now and he knew that his exhaustion was not an excuse to act like a total asshole to his husband but it didn’t stop the irritation from flaring up. He set his jaw, tilting his head back against the fridge as his eyes roamed over the pristine white ceiling before closing them for just a moment. He just needed a moment, nothing more. Exhaustion burned at his eyes the way that fighting burned his heart.

 

The kettle whistled. 

 

Yuuri sighed, blinking his eyes open before lowering his gaze from the ceiling to Viktor. He met his eyes, unable to read the expression that laid on his features. Before he could question it further, Viktor pushed himself off of the island with a sigh and went to take the whistling kettle off of the stovetop. He was silent and of course, the tension was still there but it seemed like it was tension with a purpose. He watched as Viktor pulled two mismatched mugs out of the cabinet before he crossed the kitchen near where Yuuri was still rooted on the spot. 

 

“How about we go talk in the living room, yes?” He asked, blue eyes unreadable but not as hostile as they were moments before. “I’ll make some us some tea and then we can talk.” Without waiting for an answer, he turned his back on Yuuri and opened the cabinet where they keep their tea. 

 

Yuuri nodded stiffly, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to see before he turned and made his way towards the living room with Makka trailing behind him. He knew that this was one of the focal points of their therapy together. They needed to talk it out in a “neutral” place so living room it was. He sank into the couch, tucking one leg underneath him as he angled himself to face the other end of the couch. Makka jumped up and settled in the middle, laying her head on Yuuri’s lap with a soft whine. 

 

Oh. 

 

“Oh, Makka. I’m so sorry, girl.” Yuuri murmured, petting the fretted dog. Makka probably hates them fighting as much as they do. And he is sorry because he doesn’t think he could handle knowing how they’re hurting Makka with their bickering. 

 

He doesn’t give it much more thought as Viktor is padding into the living room with two steaming cups. He sets them both on the coffee table to cool, mirroring Yuuri’s position. He wordlessly scratches Makka behind her ears with a soft smile. 

 

“She doesn’t like it. When we fight, I mean.” Yuuri murmured as he rests his head on his hand that’s propped up on the back of the couch. 

 

Viktor nods and hums in agreement. “No, I don’t suppose she does. I don’t blame her, though. I hate it too.” 

 

Yuuri nodded, picking up the mug from the table to gently blow the steam. He breathed in the aroma of lavender, slightly surprised at Viktor’s choosing but couldn’t help the leap that his heart made at his choice. Viktor knew that Yuuri liked to drink lavender tea when he was feeling stressed and tired. It was honestly the box that Yuuri would have reached for if he made his own but the fact that Viktor took the fact that Yuuri was exhausted and they were both stressed not only made him love his husband even more but also made him feel like shit for dumping his irritation on him. 

 

“To answer your earlier question, Yuuri…” Viktor said as his hands clasped together, blue eyes looking over Yuuri’s tired expression. Yuuri made sure to straighten up, taking a tentative sip of his tea before moving his full attention to Viktor as he cradled the hot mug. The warmth was already started to calm his frazzled nerves, something he was sure the Viktor was counting on. 

 

Viktor took another breath, seemingly to reset his phrasing. “In this situation, what I  _ want  _ from you is to communicate. I want you to communicate with me just like I’m sure you want me to communicate with you. I know that we are both in this together and we  _ both _ have this issue. But in this certain case, the lack of communication was the issue.” 

 

Yuuri slowly nods his head, setting down his cup before petting Makka’s dozing off form. “I can...I can understand that.” 

 

“Good.” Viktor said firmly, taking a quick sip of his own cup and humming his approval. “I also want to talk about how you  _ didn’t  _ communicate with me tonight.” 

 

Yuuri pushed down the anger that was threatening to bubble up at his words. 

 

_ Keep calm.  _

 

_ Talk it out.  _

 

After a moment, Viktor continued. “I felt...worried when dinner went by and still no word from you. It isn’t like you to not call or text. And I could understand that your phone died.” 

 

Yuuri took a breath and nodded. “I know. I usually do call or text but with my phone dying and everything going on, I just...didn’t.” He finished lamely, feeling his stomach coil again with the anger of repeating himself but he pushed it down further. Viktor was trying so he definitely was going to try too. 

 

Viktor was quiet for a long moment, seemingly lost in thought as his blue eyes seemed to search for a response to Yuuri. After a moment, he nodded to himself before speaking quietly with a flash of guilt in his eyes. “That night...that I came home late, the night that started us going to therapy. You were angry, rightfully so,  that I didn’t call or message you to let you know I was going to be late. You were worried, yes? That was the main thing, that you were worried and I didn’t communicate. Right?” There was no malice in his tone, no deeper comment of  _ I told you so _ in his words. Maybe that’s what took him off guard. 

 

Yuuri bit his bottom lip, remember that night vividly as the night that started their journey to recovering their marriage. He remembered how hurt he was by Viktor’s seemingly senseless actions. And  _ yes _ he was worried. He was worried but also angry that he wouldn’t just  _ call  _ and say that he was going to be late. The realization was making his heart drop to the pit of his chest, extinguishing the flames of his anger into whimpering guilt.

 

_ Oh.  _

 

“Yeah, that was the main thing.” Yuuri murmured, nodding his head before taking another sip of the tea.  _ God, he was an idiot. _

 

Viktor nodded, running his fingers through his hair before speaking. “That was how I felt tonight. I thought…” He trailed off for a moment as if he was trying to come up with the words. “I thought you just didn’t want to come home.” He said slowly, his blue eyes boring into Yuuri’s without a hint of malice but filled with worry and a slight pinch of hurt. 

 

Yuuri shook his head quickly, trying to dismiss the thought and any others that were threatening in Viktor’s mind. “No. It wasn’t that at all. I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it like that, how you explained it. It’s kind of contradictory of me, isn’t it? To be angry with you for doing something and then turning around and doing the same thing?” He smiled sadly, his hand running through Makka’s soft fur. 

 

Viktor chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Sometimes we don’t know what we’re doing hurts the one we love the most until something’s said. That’s why we’re  _ trying _ , Yuuri. To get better for each other.” 

 

“Still...” Yuuri murmured, shaking his head as his teeth nibbled on his bottom lip. A flash of determination shot through him and he nodded decisively to himself before meeting his blue eyes. “It was wrong what I did, Viktor. But you’re right. We’re trying and I’m going to keep trying.” He hesitantly covered Viktor’s hand in his, giving him a moment to shrug him off if he needed to. He didn’t but the smile that overcame Viktor’s expression made it clear that he was happy that Yuuri gave him that option. 

 

Yuuri fell asleep that night with Viktor’s heartbeat in his ear and Viktor’s kiss in his hair. 

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


After that first night of using Natalya’s advice from their session, things began to fall into place as best they could in their situation. The next week was spent trying to communicate not just better but  _ more _ . They ate their dinners together, talking about everything and anything. 

 

Natalya was right; communication  _ helps.  _ Of course, it was too early to make the proclamation that their problems were fixed but Yuuri couldn’t help but feel optimistic. 

 

To Yuuri, it felt like the beginning again like he was trying to get as much information out of his husband as possible while Viktor did the same to Yuuri. It was comfortable, even when they ran out of things to talk about. It was wonderful to spend so much time talking with his husband or just lounging on the couch with him without the fear of earth-shattering fight, like before. It felt like time was standing still, just for them. 

 

So it surprised Yuuri when Friday afternoon rolled around and they were both sitting on that same plush couch, knees pressed against each other and the usual anxious coil seemingly wrapped inside Yuuri’s chest. 

 

“Good to see you both again.” Natalya said with a warm smile, hands resting on her notebook as her pen twirled between her slender fingers. “I hope it’s going well?” 

 

Yuuri looked to Viktor, mirroring the small smile that spreads over Viktor’s lips before turning his attention back to Natalya. “It’s going better. A lot better than before.” 

 

“Well, that’s good.” Natalya smiles and makes a quick note into her notebook before nodding towards Viktor. “Have you had any disagreements since our last session?” 

 

“We’ve had bickering every now and then but we had an actual fight, about a week ago I think.” Viktor said with a slight glance over to Yuuri to confirm the timeline. He nodded slightly, feeling the tension of the fight return to him as he clenched his jaw. Yuuri still felt terrible for how he acted and how he treated Viktor, merely because of his exhaustion from his day. It wasn’t something that he was proud of. 

 

Natalya must have picked up on the tension, for she tilted her head in curiosity in regards to Yuuri. “It seems like just mentioning the fight has you tense, Yuuri. Can you explain to me what happened?” Her words were soft in tone, requesting instead of demanding. That mere fact caused him to relax slightly, knowing that he could deny her claim.

 

He could. 

 

But he was here to fix their relationship. He was here to work as hard as Viktor was because to be fair, Viktor was  _ trying _ . Viktor was taking those steps to better their relationship, to better their  _ marriage _ . And what kind of husband would Yuuri be if he didn’t try too? 

 

Yeah, he could deny it. 

 

But he doesn’t. 

 

Yuuri nodded, silent for a moment as he gathered his thoughts before he sighed softly. “I came home late one night…” He started, hesitating slightly as the influx of excuses begging to be spilled from his lips.  _ It was a chaotic day, I had a lot on my mind, I didn’t even think about calling my husband in the six hours that I was supposed to be home.  _ The excuses piled into his head but they didn’t matter. He didn’t voice them, no matter how hard they began to fight to be spoken.

 

“I came home late and I didn’t call Viktor to let him know. It wasn’t...it wasn’t like I was thirty minutes late. That’s fairly normal for us. Sometimes work goes over but we understand that.” Yuuri said, glancing over to see Viktor nodding silently before moving his eyes back to Natalya. He was rambling, another nervous habit he had yet to get over. He reigned himself back in. “I didn’t get home until ten that night and my phone had died earlier but with being so busy, I didn’t even _ think  _ to use the studio’s phone to call and let him know. So when I got home, he confronted me about it and I was exhausted from the day I had so I was snappy and agitated.” 

 

He took a breath and watched Natalya scratch her pen across the pages. She nodded slightly before moving her eyes back to Yuuri. “So the fight escalated.” It wasn’t a question but Yuuri nodded, flickering his eyes down to his fidgeting hands. 

 

“Yeah...It escalated. Which was my fault, honestly. Not only the cause of the disagreement but for it actually turning  _ into  _ a fight...” Yuuri trailed off slightly as Natalya nodded thoughtfully. 

 

“Can you explain how it escalated?” Natalya asked, pen poised as her warm eyes waited patiently.  _ God, she was an angel,  _ Yuuri thought with a wave of gratefulness washing over him. She was so patient, never demanding. Yuuri knew that it was only the second session but he felt so comfortable talking with her.

 

Yuuri nodded as he ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I was tired and had been working for hours on costumes and dealing with the kids' parents all day and evening—my studio has a recital coming up soon. In a couple of weeks. So it’s been very chaotic getting everything ready for the recital…” He hesitated for a moment, feeling the familiar bubble of guilt start to eat towards him. He chewed his bottom lip lightly before continuing. “And... I guess that the exhaustion took a toll on me and just...amplified my frustration? I was angry because I was tired, exhausted from working all day and night but it still doesn’t excuse how I acted.” 

 

“Can you tell me what happened next? How did the fight end?” 

 

Yuuri could tell it was a trick question and for a moment, he wanted to smile. He brushed it off, though and nodded. “Yeah...well, Viktor was a lot more level headed than I was.” He didn’t stop the soft smile from curving his lips as he glanced towards Viktor who mirrored the warmth of his smile with his own before turning back to Natalya. “He just...made us a cup of tea, even after I yelled at him and took us into the living room to talk. Like you said to. He told me why he was upset and what I did to upset him.” 

 

Yuuri could feel his chest start to constrict, the guilt beginning to weigh him down as he continued to speak of their resolution. He swallowed the emotion that was beginning to crawl into his throat. “I was still..ah, angry but he was calm and collected. He knew what needed to be done. It didn’t...it didn’t even cross my mind that we should do what you said. In the heat of the argument, it was just...lost on me. He was  _ trying _ and it just felt like I was fighting  _ against  _ it.” 

 

The words surprised him when he spoke them, not meaning to say the words he had been holding in since the fight. He felt like he wasn’t doing as much as Viktor was. 

 

“Did you come to an agreement?”  

 

Viktor seemed to note the anxiety the began to roll like waves off of him for he took her next question. “Yeah. We talked it through and we ended in agreement that we should communicate better.” 

 

“Good. That’s what we want. We know that these issues will come up sometimes. It’s inevitable that couples will fight but how you change the resolution of the fight, is the most important part. It’s important to stop these arguments before they get too escalated in order to preserve the balance that we set in a relationship.” Natalya said with a soft smile, pulling a nod and a smile from the couple on the couch. 

 

Hesitating for only a moment, she continued. “You said early that you felt like you were fighting against the resolution of this certain fight. Can you explain that further for me?” 

 

Yuuri swallowed and nodded, squeezing his hands together. “Uh...yeah. So at the time, all I could think about was going to bed. I didn’t want to do anything, I just wanted to sleep. And the agitation just kind of built as we bickered. And even when Viktor stopped the argument to move to the living room to talk, I was still mad from before and for some reason, I couldn’t let it go. Even when he was explaining why he was upset, internally I just wanted to snap at him. And I...I don’t know why.” 

Natalya nodded at his explanation, her eyes moving from Yuuri to Viktor for a moment before settling back on Yuuri. She cleared her throat slightly, intertwining her fingers together before speaking to the pair. “We are emotional creatures. Our emotions range from love to happiness to anger to fear and so forth.” She said with a patient tone, smiling warmly. “It is...understandable that you were agitated. With exhaustion, it could cause your ability to control urges and emotion to diminish so it is understandable that is why you felt anger.” 

 

“Still…” Yuuri murmured out, biting his lip as his eyes shifted from Natalya to his intertwined hands in his lap. The room was quiet for a long moment, his neck burning hot as the silence went on. He was grateful for the time they gave him to gather his words and his thoughts. He took another breath before continuing. 

 

“I know that logically it makes sense.” Yuuri said slowly, moving his eyes back up to Natalya. “It makes sense that if I’m tired, it makes me cranky and easily agitated. Which would make it easier to become angry? But...it just feels like I’m making excuses for me just being an asshole to Viktor. Which is something that I do  _ not  _ want to do. Ever.” 

 

“You weren’t being an asshole.” Viktor said gently, a slight tone of amusement to his voice. 

 

Natalya smiled softly, her eyes moving over to Viktor. Yuuri followed suit, looking over to his husband as he took Yuuri’s trembling hand. He scoffed slightly, a humorless chuckle mingling in the sound. 

 

“C’mon, Viktor...I really was being an asshole.”  

 

“ _ No _ , you weren’t.” Viktor squeezed his hand gently, shaking his head. “Yeah, you may have been acting a little...eh, frustrating. But not an asshole.” 

 

“I know we haven’t known each other for very long, Yuuri.” Natalya interjected before he could respond to Viktor, bringing their attention to her. “But by just what you’ve said during our sessions, I don’t believe your actions during that fight expose you as an asshole. I think maybe you just...had a tiring day and your emotions ran a little wild. It happens to the best of us but the  _ main  _ thing to take away from this is that you both worked it out  _ together. _ ” 

 

Yuuri wasn’t sure why her certain words broke up the guilt and the weariness of their last fight but it all melts away as he exhaled. He doesn’t question it too much and is pleasantly surprised again when at the end of the session Viktor is still holding his hand. 

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


Yuuri knew better than to think something was perfect. 

 

Apart from Makkachin’s sometimes disruptive behavior after a restless day, she was the closest thing to perfection and she was far from it if Yuuri’s running shoes had anything to say about that. 

 

But the next week after their follow up session was  _ heavenly.  _ He wasn’t sure if it was just because of the progress that they already made in their relationship or if the session itself had rejuvenated them both in every way possible. Whatever it was, Yuuri wasn’t going to start complaining.

 

The weekend was lazy, in all the ways that Yuuri loved. He woke on Saturday morning with Viktor’s lips on the nape of his neck and his fingers intertwined with the older man’s hands. They spent the late morning in soft laughter and kisses that were as slow as molasses. He spent his Saturday rotating between giving Makka belly rubs, working on what he could for the upcoming recital and stealing kisses from his pouting husband. 

 

Incidentally, he ended his Saturday just as he started it: Viktor’s warmth around him only this time, his lips were somewhere far less innocent than the nape of his neck.  

 

Yuuri would concur that it was a  _ very  _ good day, indeed. 

 

Sunday morning was a surprise and something that Yuuri wouldn’t mind reliving in his own version of Groundhog Day. 

 

Yuuri stirred against the sheets, waking slowly as the feel of soft lips brushed softly against his bare shoulder. He didn’t dare open his eyes as he was too comfortable and too warm from Viktor’s embrace to do anything to disrupt his ministrations. He felt the trail of kisses journey across his shoulder to the base of his neck and he couldn’t help but let out a satisfied hum. 

 

He felt the chuckle that Viktor breathed onto his skin as much as he heard it, his own content smile splitting his lips. The older man continued his conquest up his neck slowly, soft in their pressings before he reached his ear. By this point, Yuuri was pretty sure he was in heaven as every kiss that Viktor pressed into his skin erupted with warmth throughout his body. He hummed again as Viktor kissed his earlobe gently. 

 

“Good morning, my Yuuri.” His words were hoarse with sleep but to Yuuri, in that moment, it was the most heavenly sound he’s heard in his 31 years of life. 

 

“Vitya…” He whined, turning his head slightly as he begrudgingly opened his eyes. “It’s so early…” He tried to send an annoyed glare Viktor’s way but the older man just laughed, which just made Yuuri’s demeanor crack as he joined in with a soft chuckle. 

 

“Ah, I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful, even if you were snoring.” Viktor said in a sweet tone, laughing as Yuuri nudge him with a pout. 

 

“Mean.” 

 

“Probably.” Viktor snorted slightly, kissing Yuuri’s jaw lightly and pulling a giggle from the younger man. “I’ll have to make it up to you…” 

 

“Oh?” Yuuri asked, his curiosity winning over his playful teasing. He felt Viktor’s hand brush through his hair, his slender fingers trailed over his forehead gently. 

 

“I may or may not have made breakfast-”

 

“You’re forgiven!”

 

 

* * *

 

  
  


 

“I just don’t understand  _ why  _ they can’t just trust me.” Yuuri said with a shake of his head as he continued to tear the lettuce off of its head. Viktor hummed in response a couple of feet away as he began seasoning the chicken. They were preparing dinner after a hellish day on both their parts, complaining to each other over dinner preparations. Tuesdays were sometimes worse than Mondays.

 

“I mean, I know what I’m doing. I know how to do the costumes and the routines and everything else when it comes to the recital. Just because  _ Sasha _ went to a ballet in  _ Paris _ doesn’t mean she knows the ins and outs of this gig. I mean I’ve been doing this for how many years?” Yuuri scoffed as he carefully wiped the blade clean before pull out some baby tomatoes to chop in half. “Unbelievable…” He muttered with a huff. 

 

“Well, you know how teenagers can be.” Viktor said with a soft sigh, laying the chicken in the pan before washing his hands. “They think they know everything and when they don’t, they blame you. My skaters have been the same way recently. I’m going to have to send Yakov an apology gift for all the years he put up with me.” He murmured darkly as Yuuri poured the chopped up salad ingredients into a large bowl. 

 

Yuuri chuckled, shaking his head. “He probably had a whole head of hair before you came sauntering onto the ice, didn’t he?” The mirth in his tone caught Viktor’s blazing blue eyes but the smirk that slipped over his husband's lips left Yuuri at ease. 

 

Viktor wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his chin on Yuuri’s shoulder before pressing a kiss to the column of his neck. “Do I saunter?” He murmured lowly, amusement evident in his tone. 

 

“Please. All you do is saunter.” Yuuri said without hesitation but leaned back into his touch, tilting his head slightly as Viktor’s lips laughed against his jaw. 

 

“Mean…” Viktor murmured as he gave  _ the _ spot an open-mouthed kiss.

 

Yuuri’s breathed out a soft gasp, taken aback the slow coiling that was burning in his abdomen by just a mere kiss. But really, only Viktor would play with fire when it came to one of the spots that could make Yuuri’s knees weak. 

 

“Look who’s talking.” Yuuri breathed, trying to clear his head from the wave of desire that was starting to roll over him. “Now saunter over there and finish that chicken before it burns, you goof.” 

 

Viktor grumbled with a pout but pulled away after a chaste kiss to Yuuri’s forehead, before working on the chicken sizzling in the pan.

 

The chicken ended up a little burnt but the kisses still burned on his skin hours after dessert was served. 

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


 

Perfection wasn’t going to last forever and Yuuri came across that fact when he came home from work on Wednesday to a package on their doormat. His mind racing from the million things that still needed to be finalized in the next couple of weeks, he merely picked up the package and unlocked the apartment door. Careful not to let Makkachin out, he dropped the package on the kitchen island and his dance bag on the floor before turning his attention to the overly excited poodle dancing around him. 

 

“Hey, Makka! Did ya miss me? I sure missed you...wanna go for a walk?” Yuuri cooed, laughing softly as Makkachin’s excitement caused her to practically race towards the door where her leash hung on the coat rack. He shook his head as he followed, not exactly sure where a dog her age got all of her energy. He hooked her up and they were off, back into the sunshine that only a late afternoon in St. Petersburg could bring. 

 

Yuuri walked around the block, taking in the sunshine on his face and the soft but happy barking from Makka. It was...blissful. 

 

During their walk, Yuuri couldn’t help his mind from wandering to his marriage and the difference that the last month had made. Of course, all of the issues weren’t resolved and since they began counseling, they still fought and bickered. But the underlying fact was that they were given the tools and concepts that could help keep their relationship stable instead of the rocks that they were trying (and failing) to balance on. 

 

No, he knew that they still had a long way to go but Yuuri couldn’t help but feel excited for what the coming months brought. He knew it was going to be hard and it was going to be a long process but it meant that they were working on it  _ together _ . They were working on  _ staying together _ and that was the most important thing to Yuuri. 

 

He couldn’t lose Viktor. 

 

It wasn’t long until they made their way back to the apartment, Yuuri quick to unclip Makka’s leash before hanging it back up. He smiled when he saw Viktor’s skating bag next to the door, slipping off his shoes before making his way into the kitchen to find his husband flipping through the mail as he leaned against the counter. 

 

“Honey, I’m home…” He said as he walked up to him, leaning up to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. He smiled happily, noting the blush that tinted his cheeks lightly as Viktor’s own content smile curved his lips. “How was work?” He asked before pulling away, making his way over to give Makka some fresh water in her bowl. 

 

Viktor groaned in response, shaking his head as his hand pushed through his silver locks. “Had to deal with a bunch of grouchy teenagers today. I swear it was like Yura was cloned a couple of times...” He grumbled, shaking his head before turning a smile towards Yuuri. “What about you? How’s the recital going?” He asked as he tore open an envelope from the water company. 

 

“It seems like we had similar days, then.” He sighed, pouring the cold water bottle into Makka’s dish. “Oh! There’s a package on the counter. I didn’t order anything so it must be yours?” He said turning his attention to Makka who was currently taking advantage of Yuuri being at her level to give him her wet kisses. He chuckled softly, scratching behind her ears before kneeling down to give her a little more attention as he heard Viktor begin to open up the package. 

 

Yuuri had been feeling guilty about how much attention had been taken from poor Makkachin lately with all of their fighting and he was trying his best to make sure that she knew that she was loved. 

 

“ _ Oh. _ ” 

 

Viktor’s voice was breathless like something came smashing into his chest and left him gasping for air. His tone caused Yuuri’s brow to furrow slightly in curiosity, giving Makka once last scratch before pushing himself up to his feet. 

  
“What was it? Another corkscrew?” He asked with a chuckle, moving to the fridge to pull out the ingredients to make a quick salad and grilled chicken. “I swear Viktor if you got drunk and went on Amazon again-” 

 

“It’s the Vogue issue.” 

 

Viktor’s hesitant words doused Yuuri in cold water, his heart stammering in his chest as his mind began to race. 

 

_ Why? _

 

Why now? This week had been so blissful, so amazing. So perfect that it felt like when they first got married. Sure there was bickering here and there but nothing like how it had been the last couple of months. It wasn’t anything that made Yuuri’s chest ache with loneliness and heartbreak at the end. Just a little bit of agitation. 

 

But he knew this issue would cause problems. This issue was the underlying factor, the big boss of their fighting. There was no way that tonight would go by without a fight. 

 

And it wasn’t like Yuuri  _ wanted  _ to fight. What kind of husband would he be if he did want to fight?  _ A terrible one _ , his mind supplied. No, he didn’t want to fight but he knew that they both had opposing views about the Vogue interview. 

 

He just wanted to go to bed and sleep until he forgot about the damn thing. 

 

After a moment, Yuuri realized that he hadn’t said a word and the silence was starting to become deafening. The tension was thickening by each passing second so Yuuri cleared his throat and tilted his head slightly towards Viktor’s cautious stare. The magazine laid limply in his hand. “Oh?” His voice wavered slightly and he mentally cursed himself, noting the tightening of Viktor’s jaw. His eyes shot down as he sat the ingredients down on the counter and started mindlessly fixing dinner.

 

“Yeah. They told us we would get it in about a month. I guess with...with everything going on it slipped my mind.” Viktor said with a sigh as Yuuri’s eyes moved back to take in Viktor flipping through the pages. Yuuri hummed softly, not really sure what to say. 

 

Yuuri could see the front page, a picture of poised excellence and absolute love of the pair. He knew that at the time that it was taken, they were fighting. They were pissed at each other (Yuuri was fuming) and Yuuri could have sworn that it would have been easy to see through his lie, the mask of a happy marriage.

 

Turns out, Yuuri could create a mask for the public that no one could distinguish. Maybe as good as Viktor’s. 

 

Yuuri chewed on his lip slightly before moving his eyes back to the counter to concentrate on  _ something  _ other than that  _ magazine _ . 

 

“They got some really good shots of the apartment in here. The light shines in just perfectly…” Viktor said softly, wonder in his voice. How could he be so nonchalant about this whole thing? 

 

Oh. 

 

Because  _ he  _ didn’t have an issue with it. Yuuri was the one that was upset about it and with good reason. 

 

“Oh, good.” Yuuri said dryly, unable to keep the slightly sardonic tone from slipping his lips. He was glad that his back was facing Viktor because he wasn’t sure if he could deal with this right now. Why couldn’t he just put it up? Stash it away? Burn it? Yuuri didn’t care but with every second that he heard the soft flipping of pages and exclamation of wonder from his husband, he couldn’t help but his agitation to worsen. 

 

Viktor continued with his musings like he didn’t hear the sarcastic tone that Yuuri snapped at him. After a long and tense couple of minutes, Yuuri was setting the grilled chicken salad on the table with two wine glasses and a cheap bottle of red wine. 

 

On the one side, he was thankful for the quick preparation of dinner because the exhaustion of the day laid heavily on his empty stomach, even if the reward would be  _ grilled salad _ and even if he was seriously craving his mother’s katsudon that would definitely set him back with his slow metabolism. But on the other hand, that meant that Viktor was still reading the article as he sat down.

 

Yuuri knew that he was being a little petty about pointedly not catching Viktor’s eyes as he began to fill his wine glass (not that Viktor’s eyes were anywhere but the magazine) but he couldn’t bring himself to even acknowledge its presence. No matter how much Yuuri wanted to just push this repeated argument aside, he just couldn’t. He knew the issue wasn’t just Yuuri not wanting the media in their home, their  _ sanctuary.  _ It couldn’t have just been that singular issue. 

 

It wasn’t just wanting their own space to be  _ just  _ Viktor and Yuuri, not the power couple that the press had been running after since they wed. 

 

It wasn’t just that Viktor wasn’t listening to what his partner, his  _ husband  _ was feeling. 

 

It wasn’t just the lack of communication between them about the issue. 

 

It was the fact that Viktor went  _ behind his back _ and agreed to something that Yuuri was obviously against without any kind of inclination towards Yuuri’s feelings when it came out. 

 

It rubbed Yuuri the wrong way, how easily Viktor had just continued to do what he wanted regardless of Yuuri’s obvious negative response. It hurt his feelings that his husband would just continue and do something that would make him uncomfortable. It made him angry that his feelings weren’t being taken into consideration for something as public as an interview. His emotions ran high and wild with this issue and Yuuri couldn’t find it in himself to figure out how to get his point across. 

 

And it wasn’t like Yuuri was refusing the interview  _ itself. _ They’ve done numerous interviews, separate and as a married couple. It came with the title of Viktor Nikiforov’s husband and Yuuri knew that from the day Viktor kissed him at the Cup of China all those years ago to this very second. He made peace with the fact that sometimes his life and his relationship would be in the public’s eye. The only  _ true  _ privacy they had was in their home when they were snuggled up on the couch watching some ridiculous Russian soap opera or dancing in the kitchen like no one was watching (because nobody was). 

 

So Yuuri doesn’t think his refusal to back down on this issue is him just being unnecessarily stubborn in his own opinion. He may be biased but he doesn’t think he’s in the wrong here. And the fact that Viktor is so blind to Yuuri’s reasonings even after he has said them (even screamed them during some of their fights about this issue) is exhausting. 

 

“You look like you’re about to murder that salad, Yuuri.” 

 

Yuuri was pulled from his heated thoughts to see him stabbing the greens with enough force that his knuckles were turning white. He relaxed his hand, flushing deep before exhaling as he shook his head. “Oh.” He mumbled, pushing the fork into his mouth before he said anything else. He glanced up to see Viktor looking at him with an unreadable expression, something that serves as a warning sign for reasons that Yuuri isn’t quite sure of. 

 

He took a sip of the red wine, noting that the magazine was still open to the article as his own smiling face was glaring at him from across the table. Yuuri could tell it was a fake smile because he had been feeling a lot of emotions that day and not one made him want to  _ smile. _

 

If Viktor noticed what Yuuri was seemingly glaring at, he didn’t voice it. He merely continued to eat as the silence dragged on, the tension building with every scrap of a fork.

 

With dinner finished and the dishes washed, Yuuri couldn’t handle the tension that was building slowly. He knew that Viktor could tell he was upset but Yuuri wasn’t going to actively start a fight, especially with how far they had come in their sessions. 

 

Yuuri tried to repress the feelings that sat heavily on his chest but it hurt. Every time he caught a glimpse of the magazine, he had to push down the remnants of the anger from that initial fight. He did his best though. He worked on his bookkeeping and even paid a couple of bills while Viktor murmured in soft Russian to Makkachin. He even tried to play a video game to ease his tension while Viktor read on his side of the sofa. It would have been relaxing if the tension wasn’t so thick you could suffocate. 

 

So he tried not to explode with his emotions about the issue that was obviously still bothering him as the evening dragged on. But Yuuri didn’t trust himself anymore, especially with this issue,  _ not  _ to start a fight so he escaped to the bathroom with a murmured explanation of a shower before closing the door a little louder than he needed to. 

 

The hot water and steam of the shower reminded him of the onsen and immediately he felt the familiar pang of missing home. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the tile, letting the hot water pound on his back. The relaxing stream against his back helped clear his mind that was muddled with the tension and high emotions that the magazine brought. As the moments went by, he began to regret how distant and petty he acted. 

 

Of course he was angry and hurt but they were actively working on their issues and by him internalizing this issue instead of talking it out with Viktor, he was contributing to their biggest issue: communication. He can complain about Viktor not listening all day long but when an issue comes up and Yuuri doesn’t talk about it, it doesn’t make him any better. By Yuuri not talking about something bothering him, it’s hurting Viktor as much as it hurts Yuuri when he doesn’t listen. 

 

He can’t hide in the shower forever. 

 

After cleaning off the sweat of the day that the back to back rehearsals required, he stepped out of the shower and dried off before slipping on some comfortable clothes to lounge in for the rest of the night. With a look in the fogged up mirror, he exhaled and narrowed his eyes at his reflection. 

 

_ It’s just your husband out there.  _

 

_ Don’t be a wimp.  _

 

_ Fight for him or you’ll lose him.  _

 

_ You don’t want that now, do you?  _

 

Oddly enough, his inner voice sounded a little like Yurio. Somehow that made pushing the bathroom door open a lot easier. 

 

When he came back out into the living room, Viktor was lounging on the couch with Makka tucked by his side. Thankfully, he wasn’t reading the magazine anymore and Yuuri could see it lying on the coffee table as it glared at him. He couldn’t help but narrow his eyes slightly before moving to join Viktor on the couch with a flash of determination. 

 

“I think we need to talk.” 

 

The words slipped out of his lips before he could stop them but it got his husband’s attention easily, his eyes immediately clouding in curiosity before he angled himself towards Yuuri. 

 

“About what, Yuuri?” 

 

Yuuri hesitated, biting his lower lip slightly before moving forward. “About the  _ Vogue  _ article.” He tried to keep his voice even but he could hear it shake slightly, not from anger but anticipation. 

 

“Okay…” Viktor nodded, his expression careful as his hand went to scratch Makkachin behind her ears. “What about it?”

 

Yuuri’s jaw tightened at his words. Was he really going to sit there and act like he didn’t know the problem? Even after all the times they’ve fought about it? 

 

He took a breath and shook away his anger before speaking. “I’m not trying to start a fight. It’s not what I want to do at all. But I think with after all of the sessions with Natalya that we can sit down and talk about this issue with each other. Because it’s still bothering me.” 

 

Viktor sighed softly and ran his fingers through his hair before he nodded. “I can tell it’s upsetting you. But you know if we talk about it, we’re going to fight. And I really don’t want to fight with you anymore. Especially after the weekend we’ve had.” 

 

“I know that.” Yuuri said quickly in a soft tone, making sure that Viktor knew that this was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn’t want to fight any more than Viktor did. But they  _ had  _ to talk about it or it was just going to ruin them again in the long run. “But I also know that if we don’t talk about it, it’s just going to fester and ruin the progress we’ve had so far.” 

 

Viktor nodded, taking in his words for a long moment and wore that mask that Yuuri could never read before he spoke. “Okay. You said it’s bothering you. How is it bothering you?” 

 

Yuuri internally flinched at how short his words were like he was going on the defensive right out of the bat but he pushed passed that thought and cleared his throat. 

 

“It still bothers me that you went behind my back to approve the interview. I just don’t feel like you were listening to me as to  _ why  _ I didn’t want to do the interview here. It just felt like you weren’t taking my feelings into consideration or even listening to me. I don’t know, just seeing it again brought up the emotions and anger but I didn’t want to  _ not  _ address it and end up snapping at you.” Yuuri said evenly, feeling the same irritation and hurt from the first time that they had this conversation. 

 

But this was good. They were talking it out like Natalya said to. 

 

“Yuuri…” Viktor breathed and shook his head, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose before moving his eyes back to him. “It was just an interview.” 

 

Yuuri’s breath caught and he couldn’t help the irritation from flaring up. “But what I’m telling you is that it wasn’t  _ just an interview _ . I’m telling you how I feel, Viktor.” He said tightly, as his eyes bore into the icy blue ones across from him. Was he really not taking this seriously?

 

“No, I know how you feel about it. You’ve told me several times how you feel about the interview. But the fact remains is that it was  _ just an interview. _ ” Viktor retorted, his own irritation showing clearly. This was escalating and it was the last thing Yuuri wanted to happen. 

 

He took a deep breath to center himself back on the issue at hand. “What I’m saying is that my feelings were hurt when you didn’t listen to why I was uncomfortable with having the interview in our home.” 

 

“I thought you said that you didn’t want to fight?” 

 

“I  _ don’t  _ want to fight. I want to have a civil conversation that could put this issue to bed.” 

 

Viktor scoffed and Yuuri felt the flash of anger when his icy blue eyes rolled away from him. “Yuuri, why don’t we just drop it? It’s going to cause us to fight and I thought we were done fighting?” 

 

Yuuri took a deep breath before answering. “We are done fighting. But I can’t look at that magazine without remembering how that whole debacle made me feel. Natalya said that we should talk out these issues-” 

 

“I know what Natalya said, I was there too.” Viktor interrupted, his brow furrowed in the mirrored irritation that Yuuri was feeling. 

 

“So if you know what she said, you  _ know  _ that we need to talk about it. So what is the issue with talking about it? That’s what we’re supposed to be doing. We’re supposed to be communicating. This is not communicating. This is-” 

 

“Dragging up old issues for a fight?” 

 

“Will you  _ stop  _ interrupting me?” Yuuri snapped, his hands clenching together tightly in his lap. “You see, this is your problem. You don’t  _ listen  _ to me especially when you’ve already made up your mind. I’m trying to work this out because it’s bothering me and you’re acting like I shouldn’t even bring it up!” He knows he shouldn’t give in to the natural instinct to fight for his opinion but it’s so hard not to when he’s not  _ listening _ .   

 

“Because you shouldn’t!” Viktor retaliated, not even noticing as Makka whined and jumped down from her spot between them to lay in her bed across the room. Yuuri couldn’t focus too long on her before his attention was drawn back to Viktor. “You know that’s an old issue and bringing it up  _ now  _ after all we’re doing is just going to push us back further. It’s like we’re taking two steps forward and one step back.” 

 

“So you’re saying if something is bothering me, I shouldn’t talk about it?” Yuuri asked with a raised brow as he crossed his arms across his chest. 

 

“No! What I’m  _ saying  _ is that we’re already on the edge and by bringing up old arguments, you’re going to end up pushing us off.” 

 

His words slashed into Yuuri’s chest, his heart aching at the implications that  _ he  _ would be the one to ruin their marriage. As if Yuuri didn’t think that enough, especially now. He pushed down the hurt and clenched his jaw. 

 

“So, it’s okay for  _ you  _ to sit us down and talk about something that hurt your feelings but when I do it, I’m trying to start a fight?” Yuuri huffed, shaking his head as his leg started to fidget. 

 

“That’s not the same thing Yuuri and you know it.” Viktor retorted, his own jaw tight as his eyes hardened into ice. Yuuri could feel the chill from where he sat. 

 

“But how isn’t it? I know that I was in the wrong there and I’ll accept that. I’m not saying that I wasn’t but something was bothering you and you wanted to talk about it so we did.” Yuuri felt exhausted for the early evening that it was. “So how is this any different? I am telling you that I was hurt by your actions and you’re basically telling me that I shouldn’t be.” 

 

“You said you didn’t want to fight and yet here we are, Yuuri. Fighting about the same damn thing that we’ve been fighting about for a month.” Viktor retorted with a huff, with another roll of his eyes. 

 

Yuuri scoffed, pushing himself off of the couch to glare down at his husband.  _ Fuck _ trying to talk this out. At least he was  _ trying _ . “You’re such a stubborn  _ ass,  _ Viktor.” 

 

“Oh, that’s mature.” Viktor snapped back, pushing himself off of the couch too. “I could say the same thing about you.” 

 

Yuuri looked at him with a bewildered expression. “ _ How _ ? I’m just trying to clear the air, trying to get you to understand  _ why  _ I’m upset.” 

 

“You keep bringing up this issue like it’s going to resolve all of our problems!” Viktor shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. 

 

“In case you haven’t noticed, communication  _ is  _ our problem. And by  _ communicating,  _ we can resolve the issue of  _ not communicating _ .” 

 

“Yuuri, I swear to god...Don’t talk to me like I’m one of your students. I know that communication is our problem. The Vogue interview isn’t.” 

 

“The interview is embedded with the communication issue, Viktor! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You’re just not  _ listening!”  _ Yuuri vented, running his hands through his hair before sighing. “I’m...I’m done with this conversation. I...I can’t do this anymore tonight. You’re not listening to me so I’m not going to waste my breath anymore. I just...I can’t.” He mumbled before, walking behind the couch to make his way to the bedroom. 

 

“You can’t just walk away during a fight. Natalya said-” 

 

“I know what Natalya said!” Yuuri whipped around, his heart in his throat.  _ Why couldn’t I have just grit my teeth and gotten over it? Why did I have to say anything? Oh god, it’s my fault we’re fighting. What if it’s like that to all of our fights? _ He squeezed his eyes shut to bury those intrusive thoughts deeper down until he was alone. 

 

“I know what she said but since neither of us are taking her advice tonight, I’m going to bed.” And without another word he stomped down the hallway into their room and slammed the door. He leaned back against the door for a long moment, trying to get his emotions under control. 

 

Maybe Viktor was right. Maybe Yuuri was the one edging them closer and closer to the demise. Did he have to bring it up? He knew that it was a risk, wanting to talk about it but he was so sure that with everything that they’ve talked about with Natalya it wouldn’t be as hard. But even with Yuuri trying desperately to keep his emotions at bay and their conversation civil, it had done nothing but ended a blissful weekend with constant fighting. 

 

He sighed again, making his way to their bed to curl underneath the covers. He needed to bring it up, he needed to talk about it. He could barely hold it in that evening once he noticed the magazine and he knew that a fight wouldn’t be too far off if he didn’t get some sort of control over it and his emotions. But it needed to be said. He needed to show Viktor how much his words and actions hurt him. 

 

He didn’t dwell too much longer on the issue. After aimlessly scrolling through his phone for some sort of distraction from his brain running rampant with emotions, he ended up plugging it up and deciding just to go to bed and get an early start to tomorrow. 

 

Yuuri didn’t know how long he laid in the darkness, begging for sleep to come and numb his emotions. Maybe an hour or so after his dramatic exit, he heard the door open hesitantly. He felt the bed dip in gently as if Viktor was careful to not wake him as Makka curled between their feet with a huff.

 

It was finally still in the bedroom, the only sound was their soft breathing that alerted each other that sleep had not come yet. Yuuri didn’t know how long the silence lasted but after a while, he heard Viktor sigh as he readjusted and turned to face the opposite side. 

 

Yuuri felt his heart lodge in his throat but it was the distance between the two in their bed that hurt him the most. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation (according to Google Translate, correct me if I'm wrong):   
> moye zoloto = my gold 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's pain in the anger that pride has trapped them with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for such a late update! This chapter was a complete MONSTER to write and I really didn't mean for it to reach 18k words. I'm going to try and update more frequently but with working and going to school fulltime, please be patient if I don't. 
> 
> I wanna thank everyone for all of their kind comments/kudos! I'm glad you're enjoying reading this fic as much as I enjoy writing it! 
> 
> With that being said, I want to say a very special thank you to my dear [Gnoll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnoll21/pseuds/Gnoll21) who Beta'd this monster for me. Love you very much, darlin' <3

_ Yuuri’s finger brushed the sleek and newly polished ring, unable to keep the content smile from curving his lips. He had worn the ring since that night in Barcelona but in that moment, the ring symbolized more than just a good luck charm or an indirect promise of forever.  _

 

_ It actually  _ was  _ a promise to forever. A promise for Viktor to continue to surprise him, whether it be with out of the blue kisses or a ridiculously romantic vacation. A promise for Yuuri to love Viktor in his entirety, flaws and all. A promise for them both to love and cherish each other. A promise for them to grow together as a couple.  _

 

_ And Yuuri can’t wait to uphold his promise.  _

 

_ “Penny for your thoughts?” Viktor’s soft voice pulled Yuuri out of his revere, his finger stilling in its constant ministrations. He turned his attention to the man in question, noting the glow that seemed to emit from him with every pass of the streetlights above.  _

 

_ God, he was beautiful. Ethereal, even. Even after the heat and exhaustion of not only their wedding day but the lively reception that had everyone dancing on the makeshift dance floor, he looked like a goddamn dream. Yuuri couldn’t help but push that memory aside, burning it into his brain so he wouldn’t ever forget it. _

 

_ Yuuri hummed in response, eyes trailing over Viktor’s profile as they continued down the almost barren road. “We’re  _ married _.” He said lamely, chuckling softly at the obvious nature of his words.  _

 

_ Viktor chuckled along with him, sending a quick but fond glance of to Yuuri before returning his eyes back to the road. “We are.” The simplicity and softness of his words caused happiness to flourish in Yuuri’s chest.  _

 

_ “I still can’t believe it.” Yuuri whispered, allowing himself to be selfish and catch another glance of Viktor’s silhouette as he turned the car onto the highway as the GPS suggested. “I know it sounds kind of juvenile but...I’m really excited?” Yuuri couldn’t help another peal of soft laughter from slipping his lips at how he was buzzing with excitement. Maybe it was the adrenaline and the happiness of the wedding and following reception?  _

 

_ Viktor breathed out his own laugh, his lips curving into a smile as bright as the sun. “I’m excited too, Yuuri. Beyond excited, if I’m honest.”  _

 

_ Or maybe it was that he was going to spend the rest of his life with a beautiful creature named Viktor Nikiforov.  _

 

_ A sweet, loving and incredibly dramatic Viktor Nikiforov.  _

 

_ “Yeah?” Yuuri asked softly, his finger caressing the wedding band as he watched Viktor’s expression soften at his words. His icy blue eyes turned towards him, happiness clear in his expression as a gentle smile curves his lips.  _

 

_ “Of course.” Viktor’s words were hushed, like the words were too powerful or too intense to speak above a whisper. “We’re going to be spending the rest of our lives together. We’re going to grow old together. I can’t wait for my life with you.”  _

 

_ Yuuri could feel his heart melt at Viktor’s soft words, pushing back the sudden emotion that was welling back in his throat.  _

 

_ How did he get so lucky? What sort of gods did he please to have Viktor Nikiforov see that spark in that rendition of his free skate? Yuuri often tried to think back in his past to see if he could find anything that he’s done that would make him deserve such a loving fia-  _ husband.  _ He has racked his brain, trying to figure out where this good karma is coming from. It’s Phichit who told him not to question it and just to love Viktor as much as he can, for as long as he can.  _

 

_ Yuuri could do that.  _

 

_ “It’s a new stage for us.” Yuuri said gently, his eyes on the highway as the lines raced by before turning his attention back to Viktor with a warm smile. “It’s a little scary to be honest but I’m so glad we’re doing it. My love for you outweighs all the fear of the unknown.” _

 

_ For a moment, Viktor didn’t say anything as he kept his eyes on the road. Yuuri glanced over to his husband - he just can’t get over calling him that, to be honest- to see the clear emotion on his expression. Fear gripped him for only a moment and before he was able to question it, Viktor reached out to take his hand gently. Intertwining their hands, he pulled them up to his lips to press a soft kiss on Yuuri’s wedding band.  _

 

_ “I’m glad we’re on the same page, darling.” Viktor spared him another glance, the fondness and adoration crystal clear in his expression before he moved his eyes back towards the road. His hand lowered theirs to lay between them, his thumb brushing meaningless patterns into Yuuri’s hand.  _

 

_ “Me too, Viktor.”  _

 

_ There was a comfortable silence, music that Yuuri couldn’t make out coming softly out of the stereo as the car drove closer and closer to their destination. Yuuri smiled as he squeezed his husband’s hand gently as they took another exit, the airport evident in the distance.  _

 

_ Viktor smiled and took their intertwined hands back up to his lips to press another kiss onto Yuuri’s band, the younger man feeling the love and adoration swell inside him like the ocean that he could see in Viktor’s eyes.  _

 

_ “This was and will be the best gold that I have ever and will ever receive.” Viktor murmured softly, almost whispering the reminder to himself and Yuuri couldn’t help but fall deeper in love.  _

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri started to regret bringing up the interview. 

He knew that he shouldn’t because it was an issue that was bothering him and he has enough shit bottled up inside him. If he held this in, it would not only ruin him but also their marriage. It would ruin everything that they had been working towards. Even if it had only been a month, they still made progress. Before therapy, he couldn’t remember the last time they were so carefree enough to flirt and kiss and just  _ be _ together. 

He shouldn’t regret it but he does when they went through the next day barely speaking to each other. His heart ached for the previous week but he knew that there’s no way that they could get that back without settling the issue between them. And he knew that’s not going to happen because just as Viktor is as stubborn as a mule, so is Yuuri. 

He knew that he may have  _ some  _ fault in their argument but the way that Viktor acted when he tried to talk about how it hurt him and that fact just made the ache in his chest even more unbearable. 

Yuuri just missed his husband. 

The rest of the week went by painfully slow. Yuuri woke every morning to his back facing Viktor, curled into himself under the covers. They barely spoke, dancing around the egg shells that they have laid scattered all around them. They murmured their goodbyes as they left for the day, sending short texts saying that they would be home late as the day progressed. 

When Yuuri arrived home late one night, there’s a plate of dinner setting in the microwave and his husband seemingly distracted by the music in his earbuds when Yuuri sits on the other end of the couch. When Viktor came home late, the action is mirrored. 

There had been a couple of times where he could feel Viktor’s stare on him as he scrolled through his phone or played a video game. He glanced to see Viktor open his mouth like he was going to say something but with a flash of frustration, he would close it and ask Yuuri to pass the remote. Yuuri would feel strange and mixed emotions in the tension between them, only to be broken by Makkachin begging for some sort of attention or a murmur of one of them going to bed early. 

He woke up in the early hours one morning with Viktor sitting on the edge of the bed, his pale back glowing in the moonlight as he curled into himself. His own breath caught in his throat when he overheard his husband’s low murmurs.  

“I don’t know what to do, Chris. I...I think I really fucked up this time.” He could barely catch the words. Viktor’s voice was soft as April winds but he could feel the raw emotion that wrapped around the words and twisted them harshly.  

And it hurt. It hurt so much to hear such pain in his voice and only for a moment, Yuuri forgot about their argument. He just wanted to hold his husband again. 

He kept his eyes on Viktor’s back, seeing his hand run through silver locks in seeming frustration. Yuuri’s breathing stayed constant and he laid as still as possible. It was just another coincidence that he had rolled over in his sleep, subconsciously reaching out for Viktor during the night. That very thought itself made Yuuri regret his choice of bringing up the interview even more and his throat constricted with the lump of emotion. 

The silence is stifling as Viktor rested his head on his free hand, fingers dishelving his already messy bed head. 

“No!” Viktor said sharply before visibly wincing and turning around. It was a miracle that Yuuri closed his eyes in time, feigning sleep before he was caught in the act of eavesdropping. He felt  the bed shift again and heard a quiet sigh. “No...nothing like that. I would  _ never _ do anything like that. Just…” His breath shuttered slightly as he spoke, trailing off before breathing another sigh. 

“Yeah, I know...yeah. I’ll try and give you a call tomorrow. He’s asleep and I…” His voice trailed off and Yuuri felt his heart hammer in his throat. “Yeah, he’s got his big recital in a week or so. Yeah, so he’s...yeah, I don’t want to wake him.” There was a long pause and if weren’t for the stillness in the bed, Yuuri would think that he had hung up and laid back down. 

“It’s two in the morning, Chris! I thought it was an emergency.” Viktor hissed out, the bed shifting slightly to which Yuuri assumed was Viktor checking to see if he had accidentally roused the younger man. “I would have if I knew that this was a casual call….yeah.” Another shaky sigh. “Yeah, I know. I know he is. Yeah...okay, I’ll talk to you later. Bye, Chris.” 

There was a moment of unfiltered silence before Viktor let out a shaky sigh, thick with emotion. Yuuri heard a sniffle after a moment, the hard lump of emotion returning to his throat as he felt the bed shift beside him as Viktor seemed to settle back into bed. 

Not for the first time, Yuuri’s certain that he failed in his vows.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning brought Sunday and, unsurprisingly, there was no breakfast in bed. There was no gentle kisses against his skin to slowly wake him from his slumber, no soft caress that he had gotten so used to over the week of bliss, as Yuuri was dubbing it. There was nothing because when Yuuri woke, Viktor was still curled into the covers with his hair fanned on the pillow like a halo. He couldn’t help but look over his peaceful features and push down the hurt when he saw how puffy his eyes were. There was a lock of hair that was laid over his face and without questioning it Yuuri reached out and pushed the hair out of his face, brushing his hand across his forehead gently in hopes of not waking him up. 

He must have been up late the night before, after his phone call with Chris. 

Yuuri bit his lip harshly as the swell of guilt and anger and  _ hurt  _ crashed into him once again. He sighed softly before carefully pushing himself out of bed to not disturb Viktor’s sleep, before making his way to get ready to head to the studio. 

It was nearing ten o’clock and Yuuri was starting to wonder if something was wrong with Viktor. He had already spot cleaned the apartment and took Makka on her morning walk, as for something to do, but Viktor was still in a deep slumber in the dark of their room. Usually, even on his off days, the older man was up and milling around the house before nine in the morning. He bit his lip but decided to let his husband sleep as much as his body would let him. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket as he was writing a quick note to Viktor saying that he had fed and walked Makkachin (which she was surely excited about, albeit how early it was). He dug it out of his dance pants after his note was finished, his brow raised at the message in question. 

**[Yurio]: hey can i come by the studio in a bit? i got some choreo that i need to work on**

**[Yurio]: i know you and the old man are probably doing some barf inducing sweet shit but you promised that i can come over anytime**

Yuuri’s jaw set tight at the last text, the emotion rose in his throat like bile.  _ He doesn’t know the extent of it,  _ Yuuri reminded himself with a deep breath.  _ He doesn’t know.  _

He thought about telling the younger skater to come by tomorrow after his classes because he knew that he needed to go today but he really didn’t feel like dealing with another angry Russian skater. He still needed to make some last minute adjustments to costumes and send final payments to the venue, not to mention to put the final touches on his own routine that he will be performing with Svetlana. He needed to finish up the bookkeeping that he had slacked on the last couple of weeks because of the upcoming recital and the whirlwind that was his marriage. The latter really made it difficult to focus on numbers when all he wanted to do was pull him close and go back to their first year of marriage. 

Not only did Yuuri want to go to the studio for professional reasons but he needed an outlet. He had been tense, cramping up intensely at the stress that his life was currently putting him through. But he supposed that he could do that after Yurio left. Or even during, as the young skater sometimes was indifferent to sharing the space with Yuuri as long as the older man didn’t talk too much. 

**[Sent]: Yeah, I’m actually about to head on over. I should be there in about 10 minutes so just come on in, the door should be unlocked. Just make sure to lock it behind you. I’ll be back in the studio or my office**

Yuuri sighed, pushing his phone back into pocket after reading the confirmation text from Yurio. He hesitated for a moment, dance bag in one hand and the other on the doorknob as he looked back into the apartment. Makkachin was already trotting deeper into their home, tail disappearing into the bedroom and Yuuri couldn’t help a small smile from gracing his lips for a mere moment at the thought of his sleepy husband cuddled up to an equally sleep ridden Makkachin. 

Biting his lip gently, he pulled the door closed softly before making his way towards the studio. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri could tell that Yurio was trying his best not to explode with questions as he ran through his choreography in the sunlit studio. 

He could see the puzzling expression that rushed over Yurio’s face when Yuuri comes back from his own screaming thoughts. Yuuri had to mentally kick himself everytime he sees Yurio take notice because he knows he  _ shouldn’t  _ talk about it, especially with Yurio who’s already deeper in their marriage issues than Yuuri liked. 

But maybe it would be a good thing to talk to someone. Viktor obviously told Chris, which Yuuri doesn’t mind. He knows that Viktor isn’t going to tell enough people that their marriage issues will become public and Yuuri trusts Chris. He was Viktor’s best man at the wedding and they’ve grown closer over the years. 

Surprisingly, Yuuri and Yurio have grown closer as well. He would consider the younger skater one of his best friends and although he hasn’t said it out loud, he’s sure that Yurio feels the same. The lack of anger in his tone when talking to Yuuri speaks volumes and although his words are sometimes angry, his tone is always even and Yuuri knows he doesn’t mean it in any other way than light teasing. 

It takes about an hour before the young skater finally breaks the silence. 

“So, what’s your deal?” Yurio asked, stretching out his arms as he caught Yuuri’s eye in the reflection of the ceiling to floor mirrors. 

Yuuri’s brow furrowed slightly but recovered quickly and raised his brow. “What do you mean?” 

Yurio sighed, rolling his neck before turning to meet Yuuri’s careful expression. “Don’t act dumb. I know you and I know something is bugging the shit out of you. So what is it?” He crossed his arms, looking at Yuuri expectantly with an expression that was mixed with curiosity and determination. 

Yuuri sighed and nodded because he knew now that Yurio wanted an answer, he wasn’t going to stop until he got one. He gestured to his office, catching the slight surprise on Yurio’s face before he made his way into the office. 

Routine had Yuuri opening the mini fridge behind his desk to pull a bottle of water out to sit in front of the young skater. Déjà vu hit and Yuuri couldn’t help but think of the last time they had a serious conversation like this. It was before their revelation, when they decided to work it out instead of keep fighting.  “Drink up. You need to hydrate more or you’re going to end up passing out.” He murmured before taking a sip of his own water bottle, trying to avoid the inevitable as long as he can. 

Yurio didn’t touch the bottle as he only crossed his arms tired and narrowed his eyes. “Talk, Katsudon.” 

“It’s nothing. Just...you know me and Viktor are in a...weird place right now. That’s all.” Yuuri tried to deflect, the ache in his chest growing at his lie.  _ Just tell him. Tell anyone. Somebody… _

“I  _ know _ that. It’s something else that’s bothering you so don’t lie to me.” Yurio said sharply but Yuuri found no malice in his tone. He knew that Yurio was worried based on the fact he was actually asking about him. The only issue is that with how often they see each other makes it easy for the younger skater to see when Yuuri isn’t fully himself. 

Damn, he didn’t think he was being so transparent. 

He knew that he had faded a little bit in his interactions with people, except for his younger students. He was just a lot stricter on his older students but they probably pointed that fact towards the quickly approaching recital. He thought he was being careful in his mask that he wore. 

“Yura…” Yuuri said with a sigh as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up slightly. 

“Lana has noticed too, you know.” Yurio spoke gently as he leaned back in his chair, his sharp green eyes focused on Yuuri and getting the truth. “She said one day you were higher than the sun and the next…” He trailed off, glancing around the office like the answer would be among the paperwork and knick knacks. 

The gentle tone of Yurio’s words took him off guard and stabbed into his chest with emotion.  _ He’s worried. He’s worried about you _ . Yuuri chewed on his bottom lip for a long moment, the silence building between them before he came to an conclusion.  _ I have to talk about it or I’m going to lose it _ . 

“You two are more observant than you should be.” Yuuri mumbled grumpily, before leaning back in his own chair. He knew he needed to talk about it because it was practically eating at him inside. The hurt and anger was just festering inside of him and it was not healthy. Surely he could talk to Yurio about the basics of it. He  _ needed  _ someone to talk to about it, at least until their therapy session that next Friday. Yuuri didn’t want to bother Phichit about it just because he knew that the Thai skater was probably busy training.  He sighed after a long moment, noting the waiting expression on the younger skaters face before speaking. 

“Viktor and I...you know we’ve been fighting.” Yuuri started, biting at his lip as the emotions began to swell in his chest. Yurio nodded slightly, his green eyes intent on Yuuri as he spoke. “We’re getting better. But there’s this one issue that we keep going back to. That  _ stupid _ Vogue interview we did last month, the whole issue that started us to fix whatever is wrong with our marriage.” Yuuri could feel the anger start to gnaw at his chest so he quickly took the reigns in to control it, as hard as it may be. 

“I told him I didn’t want to do it in our home. They requested it to be done at the apartment because it’ll show us  _ at our most comfortable _ .” Yuuri couldn’t help but roll his eyes as the memory of Viktor explaining in high spirits like it was the highest honor. “At first I was hesitant, telling him that I didn’t think it was such a good idea because you know,” Yuuri said, gesturing towards Yurio as he was intently listening with a set jaw. “ _ You _ know that we like our privacy and he was just wanting to let them come in and...take pictures and...and…” Yuuri’s chest was heavy as anger and frustration became to claw at his throat.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before he could get too emotional. It was word vomit. Now that he started, it seemed that he couldn’t  _ stop _ . “I told him that I didn’t want the public in our private space. From the threshold on, that was  _ ours. _ He wasn’t Living Legend Viktor Nikiforov and I wasn’t Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov. He was just Viktor and I was just Yuuri. But…” His words were soft now as he replayed the fights and the hurt that he felt when Viktor just wouldn’t listen to him. His eyes opened, casting down to his hands before he continued. 

“He just didn’t listen. He  _ won’t _ listen. And it’s not like I didn’t tell him  _ why  _ I was against it. I practically screamed it at one point. But that was before we started working on it, on  _ us.  _ And things were good last week.  _ Really  _ good.” Yuuri couldn’t help the small smile from slipping his lips, feeling almost foreign on his expression. After a moment, reality came crashing down and it faded. “But we got a copy of the issue last week and he was so  _ happy  _ about it but I could barely look at it without feeling sick to my stomach. So I did what we’ve been working on, I tried to talk with him about it. I told him it was bothering me and why it was bothering me but he  _ still  _ won’t listen.” Yuuri set his jaw, glancing up to see Yurio in the same expression but he could swear that he saw a flash of anger in his green eyes. “He just keeps telling me that he knows best when it comes to the publicity and it’s  _ only Vogue  _ and I’m making a big deal out of nothing.” 

Yuuri sighed, running his hand through his hair before continuing. “I’m halfway between being angry for not being listened to and guilt for ruining the good week we’ve had. I’m just…” He glanced up to Yurio with a sad smile. “I’m just tired, Yura. Tired of fighting and hurting and just…” He shrugged, another sigh spilling from his lips. “It’s just been a rough week. That’s all.” 

Silence fell and it took a few moments before Yuuri started to become nervous about how quiet Yurio was being. His jaw was still set hard, green eyes blazing as he looked to the older man. 

“I am going to make him eat those expensive ass skates of his.” 

“Yura-” 

“What is he thinking? He should know better than  _ anyone  _ that privacy is important!” Yurio yelled, his cheeks red in anger. “Not only that but that old geezer needs to  _ listen  _ to you.” 

Yuuri snorted slightly, nodding his head. “Well, yeah but-” 

“He’s so fucking dumb. I swear, he is  _ the  _ dumbest…” Yurio trailed off mumbling in quick Russian before shaking his head and sighing, looking to a slightly amused Yuuri. “So that’s why you’ve been out of it?” 

Yuuri nodded, not trusting his voice as the retelling of their issues had made the swell of emotions in his chest ache. 

Yurio hummed, taking another sip of his water before raising a brow to the older man. “Do you want me to punch him? He deserves it, that’s for sure.” 

“No...no, it’s fine. I think I just needed to talk about it. We...we’ve barely been talking since Wednesday and I  _ needed  _ to talk about it. It was just...eating at me inside.” Yuuri said with a sigh, shaking his head before letting a sad smile slip over his lips. “But thank you, Yura. It really helps to talk about it.”

Yurio nodded, a small but sad smile lifting the corners of his lips for a moment before turning back into his trademarked scowl. “Us Yuri’s have to stick together. Besides, you’re no fun to poke at when you’re all mopey and crying.” Yuuri could see his lips twitch and the lack of malice in Yurio’s voice had a chuckle slipping from the older man’s lips. 

“I suppose you’re right about that.” Yuuri said before taking another sip of water, watching as Yurio seemed to fight within himself to say something else. It took a long moment before he seemed to come to terms with what he wanted to say. 

“You can always talk to me, if you feel like you can’t talk to anyone else. Especially the old geezer. I won’t punch him, unless you want me to.” Yurio added hastily, his green eyes brightening at the concept of hitting Viktor. Yuuri couldn’t help but chuckle softly before the skater continued. “I’m serious though, I can be a good listener. I’m here for you just like you’re there for me.” 

Yuuri couldn’t help the swell of emotion sweep over him at Yurio’s words. Usually, he had to pick the younger man’s affections out of insults that he threw his way but this was...this was something new entirely. Especially since there was a warm smile gracing Yurio’s expression. 

“I know, Yura. I know.” 

Yurio’s eyes brightened slightly at the endearment in his name and shot up with his arms crossed around his chest. “Good! Now come help me with the last part of this choreography so I can perfect it before the season starts back up.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next week passed so slow that Yuuri was sure that the universe was punishing him. After his talk with Yurio, the swell and crash of emotions that plagued Yuuri on a day to day basis calmed. Yuuri didn’t try to leave earlier than he used to in order to avoid Viktor and he didn’t stay later than the recital preparation required him to. 

It seemed to surprised Viktor, who was still was seemingly walking on eggshells around Yuuri in order to prevent another argument. But even if Yuuri made sure to not  _ actively  _ avoid Viktor, the tension was still there and neither one of them made the first move. When they spoke to each other, there was always a lingering tension that clouded Yuuri’s throat whenever there was an awkward silence. Viktor would ask what Yuuri wanted for dinner and Yuuri would have the desire to start up the conversation which would only just lead to more fighting. 

Viktor seemed to be in the same spot. 

Yuuri had caught his husband several times just watching him with a longing expression. It felt like a twisted knife in his chest when he caught Viktor’s eyes to just dart away from his quickly and went off to take Makka for a walk or to check the mail downstairs. 

Yuuri knew that it was possibly due to Viktor not knowing  _ how  _ to start the conversation that needed to be started. Ever since the early morning call from Chris, he was catching regret in Viktor’s eyes and even if he appreciated the gesture, no conversation was started. Which was fine. 

For now. 

They only had to make it to Friday until they were able to start the conversation again, preferably with Natalya playing mediator. Which was probably why Viktor didn’t initiate anything. Yuuri, on the other hand, didn’t  _ want  _ to talk about it. He’d happily keep his mouth shut about this issue for as long as he can. He wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up again because deep down, Yuuri was afraid that  _ he  _ was the issue. 

Yuuri was the one to bring up the issue this time. At the time, he thought it was to clear the air because he was still hurt by Viktor’s actions. The hurt of not being listened to and brushed off was still lodged in his throat when he thought about it but the pain of fighting with Viktor was worse. By bringing the issue back up and starting another fight, it had brought up a deeply buried insecurity that Yuuri thought he was over.    
  


His anxiety was a funny thing. Normally, he could combat it with no issues but now that his emotions were frayed at the ends it was harder to deal with. His nights leading up to the therapy sessions had his thoughts screaming at him that it was  _ his  _ fault that they were fighting. It was  _ his  _ fault that his husband could barely talk to him. 

It was hard to sleep that week, especially with Viktor laying too still in the space next to him and the same tension surrounding them like a dark cloud. How many times during the night did his hands twitch in longing to connect with his husband? How many times did Yuuri feel the bed shift slightly, only to hesitate before settling for the night?

They were both at a standstill and it was clear that they both wanted to close the gap between them, figuratively and literally. But the anger and hurt was too thick to wade through on those lonely nights and the bridges they’ve already built were too rocky to hold the both of them above water. 

When Friday came, Yuuri couldn’t tell if he was relieved or nervous to talk about the issue. He wasn’t nervous to talk to Natalya per se but the subject matter is what had him fidgeting with his hands in his lap as they sat and waited in the reception area of her office. They barely spoke to one another and their only contact was their knees barely brushing against each other. 

Typical. 

This was something that Yuuri had been berating himself about for the last week. He didn’t have to start the conversation again. He didn’t have to bring up an issue that he knew was going to get a reaction to. He knew that bringing it up would cause a fight but he did it anyway. But because he brought it up, the feeling of going backwards in fixing their issues was clear in their sparse interactions. Because he started the argument again, the bed was cold again. Because they were fighting, Yuuri couldn’t help but feel like Viktor was coming closer and closer to the realization that Yuuri didn’t deserve Viktor.

He hadn’t felt like that in such a long time and he absolutely hated himself for thinking it now. 

A call from the receptionist signalled that it was time for their appointment and without another word from either one of them, they made their way into her office. Yuuri could feel the ghost of Viktor’s hand hovering over the small of his back. 

After taking a seat on the couch across from the kind smile that Yuuri had come to expect from the woman, they exchanged pleasantries and small talk for a moment while they got settled in for the session. After a moment of silence, Natalya’s dark eyes ran between the pair of them and her smile faltered slightly. 

“I want to go ahead and jump right in, if that’s alright with you both?” She asked, always giving them an option in a gentle tone. Yuuri nodded without another thought as her pen scratched something across the page before she look back to glance between the pair again. 

“I know we talked about communication last time and how you both successfully talked out the issues you were having after a fight. Do you feel like your communication skills as a couple have strengthened from our last session?” 

Yuuri chewed on his bottom lip, hesitating the loud and clear  _ no  _ that was echoing throughout his head at her simple question. He could feel Viktor on his side, hesitating his answer as well. 

“Has it stayed the same?” Natalya probed further, her brow raising slightly at their hesitant silence. 

Yuuri shook his head slightly, his fingers gripping together tightly before moving his eyes up to Natalya. “Not exactly…” He could feel Viktor tense beside him and Natalya must have seen it as her eyes darted over to Viktor for a moment before seemingly nodding to herself. 

“Something has happened.” She stated simply, her hands folding in her lap. Yuuri couldn’t trust his voice so he merely nodded, trying to ignore the building emotions inside him as they tried to claw into his throat. 

Yuuri glanced out of his peripheral to see Viktor’s white knuckles as he gripped his hands tightly. He couldn’t help but the initial anger of the fight sweep over him and set his blood blazing as their fight began to replay in his mind. Maybe that’s what Viktor was doing too as they were both silent. 

“Whatever has happened seems to have made a big impact on the both of you.” Natalya noted as she looked from one to another. “Compared to our previous sessions, there’s more...tension. Can you explain why?” Again, she asks with such neutrality that Yuuri can’t help feel fondness for the woman who is stuck in the middle of their crumbling marriage. 

The open ended question was meant for either of them but Yuuri made no move to answer. His throat was tight by his own design, not wanting to spew the sarcastic remarks towards Viktor that suddenly filled his head. His husband seemed to pick up on the fact and sighed. 

“We got into an argument...a fight about an interview that we did a month or so ago.” Viktor said simply, his voice was controlled and for a moment, Yuuri was jealous. He  _ wished  _ he could be as composed as Viktor could be at times like this. But the fact that Viktor could swallow his emotion and lay on a mask of empty smiles made his stomach drop, especially when he would see the mask staring back at him. 

Natalya’s pen glided across the paper, her head nodding slightly before she nodded him to continue. “Okay, what was the argument about?” 

Another sigh fell from Viktor’s lips, hesitating for only a moment before continuing. “Yuuri was upset because we did an interview for Vogue last month, which makes no sense because of our status, interviews are not a  _ new  _ thing.” 

Yuuri could feel the agitation begin to radiate from Viktor and he couldn’t help himself from becoming irritated at his vagueness of the situation, glancing over to see Viktor’s eyes straight towards Natalya and his jaw tense. 

“Yuuri, can you explain what caused you to be upset?” Natalya’s gentle tone pulled Yuuri’s attention back to her, looking at him expectantly with her pen poised above her paper. 

“Yeah, that’s only half of it to be honest.” Yuuri sighed, pushing his hand through his hair in order to keep his agitation to a minimal. This was the conversation that they’ve been dodging for the last week. There was no turning back. It  _ needed  _ to be talked about. 

Yuuri couldn’t help but feel a rush of  _ I told you so _ that almost made him smirk. He cleared his throat and gripped his hands together before speaking. “So a month ago, Viktor said that Vogue requested to do an interview in our home for their quarterly issue or something like that and that we should do it. I did not want to do it in our home, which I told him. Multiple times.” He heard the sharp huff to his side but didn’t waver, although his jaw tensed slightly as his anger began to boil. 

“I told him multiple times that I didn’t feel comfortable doing it in our home because that was considered a sanctuary for us and I didn’t want the public eye in our home. I wasn’t comfortable doing it. But he told them yes anyway. Even when the conversation wasn’t finished. I-” 

“It wasn’t finished because you  _ left _ , Yuuri.” Viktor interjected, causing Yuuri to turn to look at him fully. He had that  _ damn  _ mask on again and the iciness in his eyes made Yuuri’s stomach drop--for a moment. Only for a moment and then agitation was back full force. 

“I only left because I had to be at the studio and I was  _ late _ because we were arguing,  _ Viktor _ .” He retorted, his jaw tight as the irritation flowed through him. “I told you when I was going out the door that the conversation was  _ not  _ over and I had to leave.” He didn’t waste any time moving his attention back towards Natalya, who was watching the pair of them with calculating eyes. 

“ _ Anyway,  _ he told them yes and we did the interview. Even when I said no multiple times and explained  _ why  _ I didn’t want to do it-”

“Yuuri, it was  _ just  _ an interview. I’ve been doing interviews my whole skating career and you’ve done them as well. I don’t see where the issue is.” 

Yuuri groaned before moving his attention back to his husband. “I’ve already said why I didn’t want to do it, Viktor! You just don’t want to listen. You didn’t want to listen  _ then _ and you didn’t listen to me last week.” 

Viktor scoffed, shaking his head. “I listened to you, Yuuri. You didn’t want to do the interview for some reason but you still  _ brought it up  _ out of nowhere and started another fight. One that you walked out of, which we weren’t supposed to do.” 

“I only did that because _you weren’t listening to me._ And it wasn’t out of nowhere! We got the issue in the mail and it _hurt_ to see how _fake_ we looked. It hurt to see after not listening to me and going through the interview, I still have to look at it in _our home_. I tried to explain why I was still upset but you brushed me off! Just like you are now. If I hadn’t-” 

“Hadn’t have started the fight?” 

“Will you stop interrupting me?” 

“I think we should take a moment.” Natalya’s voice rang clear in the office, halting both of their retorts in their throats as they both turned their attention back to her. Her voice wasn’t filled with malice but with authority, not enough to seem like she was ordering them around but enough to get their attention. They didn’t call her the best for nothing.

Yuuri nodded, trying to calm his sprinting heartbeat as his hands gripped together again and his jaw tensed. 

“There seems to be a lot going on and a lot of viewpoints. From what I’ve gathered Viktor, you were approached by Vogue to do an interview inside your home. When telling Yuuri this, he was upset because it would mean that it would be done in your home, a  _ sanctuary _ I believe is the word you used, Yuuri?” With a nod of confirmation, she continued. 

“Yuuri feels hurt and upset because you went behind his back and confirmed the interview, disregarding your husband’s feelings towards this interview in the home itself. Is this correct?” 

In his peripheral, Viktor hesitated slightly but nodded as his jaw tightened. “Yes, that’s right.” 

For a long moment, Natalya’s eyes ran from Viktor to Yuuri as if she were sizing them up. Her cool and calculated stare was something that Yuuri had gotten used to. At least, he thought he had. But what if he’s in the wrong? What if, somehow through all of the clouds of anger, there was misplaced hurt? What if he’s making a bigger deal out of this than he should? What if  _ he’s  _ the one, the only one, causing their marriage to fall short over and over again? Viktor had tried last time to fix the issue before it escalated. Yuuri tried but, of course, he fell short. His anger fueled up quicker and his tongue was sharper. 

“Communication is a key issue in your relationship. I’m not going to sugar coat this because it’s something that we’ve discussed in our sessions together.” Natalya said as her pen ran across the paper and for a moment, the pair were completely silent as they waited with bated breath. “I think this fight contains and amplifies the communication issue. Viktor...:” Her eyes moved over to him. “What do you think could be a reason as to why Yuuri wouldn’t want to do the interview in your home?” Her voice held no accusation but, of course, mere curiosity. 

Yuuri turned to see Viktor open his mouth only to shut it once words seemed to fail him. This continued for a long moment before he said anything. “I thought maybe that Yuuri was hiding behind the fact that he didn’t  _ want  _ to do it because of the...uh, last incident. He doesn’t deal with press on an almost daily basis, like I sometimes do. Not just for me but for my skaters as well.” As he spoke, Viktor’s voice began to lose the hard edge that had developed because of their earlier spat. “I thought maybe he was...embarrassed to say that he didn’t want to deal with it and didn’t want  _ anything  _ to do with press.” 

Yuuri bit his lip and shook his head slightly. How many times did he yell his reasoning, after repeating it several times beforehand? How many different ways did he try explaining it so he could understand better what their home  _ meant  _ to him? 

“Okay.” Natalya spoke before turning her attention to Yuuri, her notebook ever present on her lap. “Yuuri, you referred to your home as a sanctuary. While other people have referred to their own home in this way, the way that you say it seems like there’s more to the story other than a place to hang your hat. Can you elaborate for me?” 

“Yeah, I...Our home is a place, in my eyes, that he’s not Viktor Nikiforov the Skating Legend.” Yuuri said softly, the anger beginning to fade as he spoke. “He’s not his handfuls of gold medals and top dollar sponsorships. He’s not the flashy skating costumes. He’s not pressed to be perfect all the time. In our home, he’s  _ my _ Viktor. He’s the man that wakes up too early in the morning just because he’s  _ that  _ kind of person. He’s the man who fills our hallways with laughter as we dance to bad Russian pop songs on the radio while we  _ try  _ to clean. He’s the man who loves his poodle just like a mother would love her child. He’s the man that I fell in love with. He’s the man  _ underneath _ the skating legend. The only one that matters to me. In our home, I get to see what the public doesn’t. That’s why it’s my sanctuary.” He finished, biting down on his lip as the sudden emotion gripped his throat and prevented him from speaking. He glanced down to his hands which had loosened from their tight grip, picking at his cuticles absentmindedly. 

There was a long moment where silenced ebbed in between the three of them but there was no tension left. It was like Yuuri’s words had scared it away for a moment and he hated how he was readying himself for it to return. 

“Thank you, Yuuri.” Natalya finally broke the silence and looked up to see her leaning forward in her plush chair, holding a tissue box. He shook his head slightly, about to decline the offer when Viktor took a couple of tissues and dabbed his eyes. 

Yuuri opened his mouth, unsure of what to say as he stared at his husband and a few tears escaping his bright blue eyes before he caught them in the tissue.  _ God,  _ how he hated to see his husband in so much pain. Even if they were fighting, it physically  _ hurt _ Yuuri to see him like this. “Viktor, I…” 

“No, Yuuri.” Viktor murmured softly, shaking his head. “You don’t have to say anything at all. I…” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly to prepare his words. “I didn’t really  _ realize _ why you were so against it. But now...I think, I think I see it. I see it because after you said that to me, I realized that’s how I see our home. With you.  _ My Yuuri… _ ” Viktor chuckled wetly, dabbing at his eyes as Yuuri felt his own eyes water at the revelation that they seemed to have come across. “I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?” He teased as he sniffed, taking his own thumb and wiping a stray tear that had fell from Yuuri’s eyes before cradling his hand against Yuuri’s cheek.  

“Just a little bit.” Yuuri murmured, earning a chuckle from Viktor as he turned to press a soft kiss against his palm. It felt so invigorating to be able to be  _ touched  _ by his husband again. Yuuri made sure to weave his hand through Viktor’s as they turned their attention to a warm smile from Natalya. 

“I hope I’m not saying it too soon but I believe this Vogue issue has been resolved?” Natalya asked with a warm smile, receiving soft chuckles in confirmation. “Good. Relationships always come with disagreements. Sometimes feelings are overlooked or not seen from the other point of view. But the most important thing to remember is to flush the issue. Once the issue is resolved, like this one in this case, don’t hold onto it. If you don’t flush away a mess, it’ll get quite nasty, yes?” She asked, chuckling softly at the insistent nods of slight disgust at the thought. “Yes, it would. So flush the issue and then you’ll be able to pick up where you left off, ready to continue forward.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner that night was a quiet affair, the soft tinkling of their forks against the china mingled in the soft sound of the radio playing low in the background as Makkachin’s collar hit her food bowl. They had spoken a couple of times but were too mentally exhausted to carry out any coherent conversation, the both of them happily resolving to small talk. After dinner, Yuuri washed while Victor dried and it was a comfortable silence, something that the pair hadn’t been a part of in a long while as there was always some sort of tension in between them. Yuuri couldn’t help the soft smile from slipping his lips at how domestic it all felt, washing dishes together with no preamble of a fight waiting for them.

Not long after the dishes were dried and put away, Viktor was leaning against the island with a thoughtful expression while Yuuri thumbed through the mail. 

“We should have a game night soon.” Yuuri said mindlessly as he put down the pile of mail with a sigh before making his way to the kettle on the stove. “Invite the gang over for some pasta and some Mario Kart.” 

He heard Viktor hum in agreement, almost distantly as if he were barely listening but he didn’t quell on that. After the session that they had, Yuuri didn’t blame him for not wanting to make conversation. He continued as he filled up the kettle. 

“I may be able to talk Yura into bringing Otabek along.” Yuuri said thoughtfully as he set the kettle on the stove, turning to face his husband. “Do you want a cup?” 

Viktor’s face was thoughtfully neutral but no where near the iciness that it held earlier that day. He did have an odd expression but Yuuri didn’t want to press it. He assumed that it was just the heaviness of the day that weighed down on Viktor, which was the main reason why he was making tea to begin with. 

He was relieved when his husband smiled softly, a slight lift of his lips, and nodded. “Lavender?” 

Yuuri lifted his brow and slipped his own smile over his lips. “Comin’ right up.” He flashed a grin before turning towards the cabinet to pull out two mismatched mugs and began getting the tea together. 

“So I’m thinking that it would be just us, Yura and Otabek plus I think Mila and Sara are back in town for a couple of weeks before they head back to Italy.” Yuuri rambled thoughtfully, pushing his glasses up his nose slightly as he continued to put together their cups of tea. He could hear Viktor shift somewhere behind him but didn’t think too much on it. “We have that bottle of red that Chris sent to us that we still haven’t opened so maybe we could open that up for-”

Surprise took him as Viktor’s arms wrapped around him, soft and gentle as he felt Viktor’s face bury in his neck.The surprise stilled his hands and made his eyes widen but he soon relaxed in the missed embrace, gently putting down the mugs on the counter before resting them on Viktor’s. His relaxed grin softened into a warm smile, his thumb rubbing over the older man’s soft skin. 

“I’ve missed you holding me like this.” Yuuri murmured as he closed his eyes, his neck heating as a soft kiss is pressed into his skin. A soft hum rang against his skin, the presence of  _ his  _ Viktor all around him making him slightly dizzy. He couldn’t help but exhale happily, his thumb rubbing Viktor’s knuckles gently. 

A long moment passed and Yuuri was about to ask if there was something wrong when Viktor’s low voice breathed against his skin. “I broke my promise.” 

Brows furrowed in confusion, Yuuri opened his eyes and carefully maneuvered himself to face his husband who wore a somber expression. Yuuri bit his lip as he looked up to him, resting his hands on Viktor’s forearms as the older man’s grip stayed on his lower back. “What do you mean, Viktor?” 

Viktor glanced away for a moment, seemingly trying to say the right words to appease his guilt. “I broke my promise that I made to you, on our wedding day. I promised that I would show you, every day, how much I love you. I haven’t been showing that to you lately.” He murmured lowly, blue eyes focused on Yuuri’s as he spoke. “I’ve been...a real jackass. About this whole...thing.” He finished quietly, his hand hesitant as it came up to cup his cheek. 

Yuuri leaned into his touch, watching as Viktor’s thumb rubbed soft strokes against his cheeks. His ocean blue eyes seemed to roam over every inch of Yuuri’s face that he could, like he was trying to memorize his features, like he didn’t know when the next time he would see it would be. Viktor’s breath hitched slightly, his eyes beginning to glisten as he leaned his forehead against Yuuri’s. “I’m so sorry, Yuuri.” He whispered softly, his voice shaking slightly. 

“It’s okay…” Yuuri smiled warmly, forgiveness clear in his tone and eyes. “The important thing is that we can move forward.” His murmured words were heavy between them, holding more than just forgiveness. He wasn’t going to hold this above Viktor’s head. He was going to flush it away, just like Natalya said. He didn’t know what else to say so he pressed his lips against Viktor’s, a chaste kiss to test the waters of the same ocean that Yuuri drowns in when he looks into Viktor’s eyes. He could feel Viktor’s hand pull away from his face and he was about to mirror the action with his lips when he felt Viktor’s slender hands wrap around his waist to pull him in closer. 

Closing his eyes, he let his other senses take hold as the ample lips that he had felt on his skin more times than the sun moved against his with more vigor. Breath racing into his nostrils, his hands weaved up Viktor’s chest to cup the back of his neck with one hand as the other dived deep into his silver locks. He could feel Viktor’s grip tighten and, feeling bold, he licked Viktor’s bottom lip to be instantly granted access to delve his tongue deeper to flick against his husband’s. 

A soft groan echoed into their intertwined mouths, Yuuri so delirious by the drug that is Viktor’s kiss that he didn’t even question if he did it or not. The only thing that kept him grounded was Viktor’s unyielding body pressing him against the marble counter and he decided that wasn’t such a bad place to be against.

Yuuri’s heartbeat was racing, keeping the same speed of their lips as they moved against each other in vigor. Hunger seeped into them both, slow as molasses but strong like whiskey. Yuuri’s shirt was bunched up in Viktor’s hands, the cool air of the apartment hitting the heated flesh. Teeth gnashing and gasping against tongues, the pair tried to press closer together as if trying to find refuge in their kiss. 

Seconds or hours later, Yuuri knew no difference, Viktor nipped at his bottom lip before pressing  _ I love you _ into his swollen lips. Not a moment later, the cool air hit his swollen lips with a vengeance and a soft whine crawled up his throat as Viktor pressed an opened mouthed kiss on his earlobe. “I’ll make it up to you,  _ my Yuuri. _ I’ll work as hard as I can to show you how much I love you.” He murmured against his ear before trailing his kiss down the column of Yuuri’s neck, who groaned at the shot of pleasure that pooled inside him. 

Then the kettle whistled. 

Yuuri jumped slightly at the sudden noise before breathing out a chuckle, his head lolling forward to lean against Viktor’s shoulder for a short moment as the other man mirrored the action in his neck. Reluctantly, Yuuri pulled away to tend to the tea which seemed to become a task as Viktor was distracting him with those roaming hands of his. 

“It’s hot water, Viktor.” Yuuri chuckled as he filled the two mugs with the hot water, shaking his head as Viktor’s lips continued their minstrations against his neck. “I’m gonna spill it everywhere and you’re gonna have a burn victim for a husband if you don’t quit distracting me.” 

Viktor hummed into his neck as his hands gripped his hips. “Am I distracting you?” The playful lift of his tone was so different from the previous night that Yuuri had to remind himself that this wasn’t a dream. His husband was truly playing with him, kissing him,  _ distracting  _ him...but most of all, loving him. And that was something that Yuuri would take without question. 

“Just a smidge, darling.” 

“I think it’s the tea that’s distracting  _ you  _ from  _ me _ .” Viktor’s hot breath rushed against his ear was enough for his craving of lavender tea to be diminished in an instant. 

He ended up pouring out two cold cups of tea into the sink the next morning. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The day of Yuuri’s big recital came and he was overcome with the stress that came annually with the event. A cup of coffee in one hand and flipping through his papers in another, Yuuri had just mere hours before he had to head to the venue to start setting up for the recital and he felt like he was barely keeping his head above water.  

He knew that it was just his anxiety that was causing his mind to go into hyperdrive. He had pulled off numerous recitals, each one becoming more distinguished than the year previous. Yuuri had to remind himself several times that he was  _ good  _ at this, that he had been doing this for several years now. 

Yuuri was double checking his task list before heading to the venue to start set-up and rehearsals when his phone began to ring. Looking down, he saw an incoming FaceTime request from Phichit. Lips curving into a smile, he put down his papers and sat down at the table as he hit the accept button. 

Phichit’s wide grin seemed to mirror Yuuri’s, the older man noting the skating rink in the background. “Phichit!” 

“Hey, Yuuri! How’s it going?” The excitement was seemingly bubbling from the young skater, his eyes dancing even in the low quality of the video call. 

Yuuri shrugged one shoulder, the smile still evident on his expression. “Ah, not too bad. I have the recital tonight so, of course, I’m a whole bundle of nerves. How about you? Are you back in Thailand already?” He asked, noting the figures on the ice behind the Thai skater. 

Phichit chuckled but nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I cut my trip to Greece short. You were right, it’s a lot prettier than the pictures you sent me from your honeymoon. And the food…” He placed a hand on his chest, a happy sigh slipping from his lips. “Yuuri, the food was to  _ die  _ for.” 

Yuuri laughed, shaking his head. “You better be careful or Ciao Ciao is gonna train you even harder.” He smiled around the rim of his mug, taking another sip of his coffee. 

The Thai skater began to fidget slightly and Yuuri’s brow furrowed slightly. “Yeah, about that…” Phichit trailed off but was cut off by Viktor coming in the front door with a panting Makka. He unhooked the leash from Makka’s collar, who raced over to dance at her water bowl. On the way, Viktor stooped to press a kiss against Yuuri’s temple and send a wave to the young skater who returned it with a smile. “Hey, Viktor!” 

“Hey, Phichit!” He smiled, making his way to Makka’s bowl to fill it up and leaving the two to talk. 

Yuuri turned his full attention back to Phichit who had moved to seemingly sit on the bleachers, slipping his headphones in. “Sorry about that Phichit. What were you saying?” 

“Right. So…” Phichit said, his voice lowering but still loud enough for Yuuri to hear which caused the older man to raise his brow. “So I’m retiring from skating.” He paused for a moment, Yuuri gasping at the news with a surprised expression. “Well, technically I’ve already retired but I haven’t announced it yet. I wanted you to be the first to know, aside from Celestino.” 

“Well, you certainly finished your career with a flourish!” Viktor smiled, coming up behind Yuuri to congratulate the man as he leaned his hand against the back of Yuuri’s chair. 

Yuuri smiled and nodded, remembering the pride of Phichit holding that gold metal that he had been striving for since he first stepped on the ice competitively in his senior debut. “You really did, Phichit. Why did you decide to retire, though?” Usually after winning gold at the Grand Prix Final, some skaters use that to leverage sponsors and to keep the momentum up to continue to the next skating season. 

Phichit shrugged, a soft smile curving his lips up again. “Mainly because I’m getting older and I want to try out new things, visit new places. Like...maybe a photographer job in the states.” He said it so nonchalantly that Yuuri almost missed it if it wasn’t for the cheshire grin that split onto his expression. 

“Wait!” Yuuri shrieked, excitement coursing through him as his eyes widened just as much as his smile was. “Wait, does that mean…” 

“Yup!” Phichit confirmed, nodding quickly before continuing. “It’s just a paid internship but it puts my foot in the door which could lead to bigger and better things. I start next month. That’s why I’m home so early. I have to start packing up stuff and getting my papers in order to move over to the states.” 

Yuuri sighed happily, pure joy in his heart for his best friend and his newly appointed job. “Phichit...that is so amazing. I’m so proud of you! I know it’s something you’ve always wanted to do for a long time.” 

“It really is, Phichit. Congratulations!” Viktor said with a heart shaped smile, before waving at him again. “I’ll leave you two alone now. I’m going to go shower then I can drive you over to the studio, yes?” He aimed the latter to Yuuri, who smiled and nodded at the plan. 

“Sounds good.” Yuuri said, his heart beating quickening at the warm smile that he received in return before making his way to their bathroom down the hall. Yuuri turned his attention back to Phichit, who had a soft smile tugging at his lips and a dark brow raised slightly. “What?” 

Phichit shrugged, his smile never wavering as he spoke. “You look happier. Things look like they’re going well.” 

Yuuri nodded before mirroring the Thai man’s earlier shrug, running his hand through his raven locks. “Yeah, right now.” 

Phichit’s eyes narrowed slightly, only confusion settled in his dark iris’. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, it’s kind of a back and forth kind of deal.” Yuuri murmured, leaning his head against his hand. “It’s like one day we’re fine and the next…” He trailed off, biting his lip before glancing back up to the video call where Phichit’s brow had raised even higher. 

Yuuri sighed when he didn’t receive any kind prompt from his friend, which just meant that he was going to make Yuuri talk out his problems. Didn’t he have enough of that during therapy?

“Okay, so I think that it’s working. I mean we’re learning a lot from her when it comes to dealing with the fighting and to prevent it from getting too bad. And that’s all good. But sometimes it’s like night and day. One day, it’ll be bliss and the next, we’re hardly talking to each other. But…” Yuuri hesitated for a moment, tugging at his lip slightly. “But it’s helping. I think it’s just at the start and I’m nervous, thinking what will happen if it doesn’t help-”

“Don’t think about that.” Phichit said so simply, like it was the easiest answer in the world. “You and Viktor are working hard to get through this, together. Don’t give up on that yet. It takes time to grow and to change so give it some time, Yuuri. If you two can’t make it, I don’t believe in love anymore.” Phichit ended his spill with a dramatic hand against his chest before chuckling to himself, which Yuuri chimed in to join. 

“Yeah...yeah, you’re right.” Yuuri said with a heavy sigh, shaking his head slightly before sending a smile to his friend. “You really do know what to say, Phichit.” 

Phichit chuckled and shrugged, pointing finger guns towards the older man. “That’s what best friends are for. Now, tell me about your recital and how I can get a copy of it.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Mr. Yuuri, my tutu’s torn!” The shrill whine of the tween girl rooted him in his spot before turning him back towards the call of distress to kneel down in front of the frazzled girl. 

“It’s okay, Katya.” He said before looking at the tear in the fabric. He tsked softly, shaking his head as he put a smile over his stressed out grimace. “Ah, it’s just a tiny tear. Easily fix, no need for tears okay?” He bopped her chin up gently, giving her a smile before turning to call to his assistant. “Lana?” 

Svetlana came around the corner after a moment, eyes searching the backstage of the chaotic recital for a moment before catching Yuuri waving her over. “What’s up?” 

“Can you do me a favor and check on group five for me? The last time I checked we were still missing a couple of dancers and it’s about to be curtain call.” Yuuri asked quickly, slightly taken aback when she nodded without hesitation before he even finished. 

“Of course! Don’t forget about Mr. Mason in the front row, he wanted to grab a word with you before the show starts.” Lana said with raised brows, sending Yuuri a look that summed up just how he felt about Mr. Mason and his  _ words before the show _ . 

Yuuri nodded with only a slight eye roll, pulling a stitch kit from his back pockets before sending his thanks as she scurried off. 

After doing the quick stitching up on the tutu and a very thankful hug, he made his way out the side of the stage, hearing the low murmur of the audience. As his eyes scanned the first row for Mr. Mason, he locked eyes with a pair of ice blue eyes in the second row that had his heart racing. He smiled, the stress and anxiety slowly draining from him as he saw his husband mouth  _ good luck  _ to him. Mouthing his thanks, his eyes flickered to beside him to see a very pissed off looking Yurio. His cheeks were red and anger was evident in his eyes but when he caught sight of Yuuri, his face relaxed and sent him a thumbs up. He smiled in return, moving his eyes back over to Viktor to get  _ just one more  _ look at his near perfect husband-

“Mr. Katsuki.” 

Of course Mr. Mason would shatter the illusion. 

“It’s Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, Mr. Mason.” He said turning towards the aging man who had been associated with the studio since a year of its opening. With his 16 year old daughter in mind, Mr. Mason had been bothering Yuuri every single year at the recitals, mainly because his daughter never got noticed by the scouts that were scattered throughout the audience who were already picky with their few selections that they  _ do  _ make. “You wanted to speak with me? I’m afraid I don’t have too much time, as the recital is about to start.” 

“I won’t keep you, then. I’ve been bringing my sweet Anya to you for years and she has yet to be picked up by the scouts that you have here. What’s going on?” He said airly enough to an eavesdropper to be teasing but enough for Yuuri to know that he’s pissed. 

“Mr. Mason, I’ve told you before that I don’t send the scouts or pick the ones that end up going right into a company. You know this.” Yuuri said in a level tone, clasping his hands together in front of him as he felt the moments tick by. Moments that could be used by putting finishing touches on  _ so  _ many things. “Anya is very talented and she’s a hard-worker. Have faith in her and her talent, just as I do. She’s coming to the age where if they don’t select her, they will keep an eye on her until she is. As long as she keeps pushing herself and keeps working hard, she’ll go far in the dance community. Now, if you’ll excuse me I must be heading back.” 

Mr. Mason nodded, waving his hand non committedly before holding it out. Yuuri smiled and shook his hand firmly before turning around and almost running back behind the curtain. 

When the recital finally begins, everything goes as smoothly as Yuuri plans and just as previous years have. He makes a nasty habit of stressing out until he’s just a thin piece of thread only to have everything work out in his favor. He doesn’t know if it’s because of his constant stressing that it goes off with a hitch or how amazing Lana is at her job. Regardless, he makes sure to place an order of a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to her flat the day after the recital just to show his thanks. 

All of the routines go off without a hitch, the only blunder being one of the youngest girls getting stage fright and breaking down during their dance. With Lana on the side of the stage hidden by the curtain going through the routine with the dancers, Yuuri stepped in beside her and took her hand to calm her as they went through the steps together. 

After all the groups had gone on, there was still the one dance that had Yuuri in a fit of nerves. When Lana started at the studio, she suggested doing a dance with the pair of them because she felt like it could offer some inspiration to the younger dancers. Yuuri had the suspicion that maybe she just wanted to dance at every opportunity which was never a bad thing, especially when it came to an assistant dancing instructor. 

So Yuuri was standing off to the side of the stage, same nerves still present but for different reasons. This routine was a lot more...personal than all the previous ones. It felt  _ too  _ personal to put on display but it was something that he and Lana worked hard on. 

“Stop thinking so much.” A shoulder bumped into his gently, Lana’s eyes kind as she smiled. “We’ll do great. Besides, it’s for fun and you’ve been  _ dying _ to perform it. Didn’t you say that this was a routine that you didn’t get to do when you were a figure skater?”

Well...that was an exaggeration. He mainly needed an outlet for what he was feeling during the dark months that he was fighting with Viktor and when Lana approached him about it, he panicked. Sure, some of the moves had the same parentage as some of the moves he made on the ice but this was created more in the face of pain. 

  
  


“Yeah but still…” He murmured before taking a deep breath, moving to smooth done the simple black leotard and leggings combo that matched with Lana’s. He didn’t finish his thought, taking another deep breath before taking off his glasses and setting them on the desk next to the stage. He glanced up to Lana, raising a brow with a nerve wracking smile plastered on his face. “Ready?” 

She nodded and they took to the darkened stage, getting into their [starting positions on the floor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHT343KMV-U). After a moment the lights raised up to a warm glow and although he was facing the side of the stage whilst lying on his side, he knew that a certain silver locked man had trained his eyes on him. He could feel it, just as he always did when he performed from that first season together up until now.

_ Don’t take your eyes off of me, Viktor.  _

As he’s pulled into his first moves of the routine, his mind wanders. His body fulfils the steps and sequences perfectly, going off of the muscle memory that was forged when he and Lana rehearsed. His body moves and his mind wanders into the music, the soft yet ominous tune of heartbreak. 

The lyrics don’t do the justice because there’s no way that he would give up on Viktor, not in a million years but the hurt and the pain that birthed this routine echoes this fear that those words would be heard by Yuuri. 

How alone did he feel during this time? He remembered being on autopilot most of the time, going through the motions and the routine of their new normal. He remembered seeing his own sadness in Viktor’s mask when he thought he wasn’t looking. He wasn’t alone in the pain but dammit if it felt like he was. He felt like the grip on his husband’s hand was slipping, bridging the gap between them without any trouble. 

How angry was he that he couldn’t keep his marriage from falling apart around him? How mad was he at himself for pulling them apart, pushing the love of his life away with every argument? 

He hated feeling like this and dancing to the memories of their terrible time made the emotion swell. He knew his dancing was showing this pain, this emotion and as a dancer that was part of his job. But a small part of him wondered how Viktor would react. 

Would he think it was just a mere routine? No, Viktor sometimes could be oblivious but never in the way that the body moves. He would see the emotion, see the ache and he hoped that he would understand that this what he  _ had  _ felt, not what he was currently feeling. 

Would he be hurt? Or even worse, would he be angry that Yuuri had showcased this pain to an audience? No, he wouldn’t be angry but maybe he would be hurt. The way that Viktor acted when they got home from their session set that option in stone. He pushed away the thoughts, his gut was telling him to feel the emotion and feel the music and worry about reactions afterwards. 

Maybe he got to involved in the emotional aspect of the routine because when the final pose was struck, his chest was panting and his eyes stung with unshed tears. He could see Lana take notice as he pulled away from their final pose and bowed towards the applauding audience. Yuuri didn’t have the courage to seek out Viktor in the audience and quickly followed Lana to the side of the stage where she turned on him and pulled him into an embrace. 

Yuuri hesitantly returned the embrace, taking a moment to take in an shaky breath before pulling away to see a soft and gentle smile. Lana nodded, taking her thumb and wiping the spilled tears from under his eyes cautiously. Yuuri sent her a smile in return, thankful for the friend he found in his assistant. 

“You always told me that you don’t waste the emotion during rehearsals so that’s probably why I didn’t realize how important and painful this routine was until we did it.” Lana said softly, pulling away from him completely but kept the same warm smile on her lips. “I don’t know what the root of it was but I’m proud of you for dancing it. It looked like it was a big burden on your shoulders, practically tumbling to the floor as you danced.” 

“Thank you, Lana.” Yuuri said with a quiet sniffle before sliding his glasses back on. “Not just for the dance but for helping out over this year. As always, you’re a lifesaver.” 

“It’s my pleasure, Yuuri. I love working with you and the kids. It’s not just experience anymore.” Lana said with a grin, pulling him into a tight side hug before glancing to the curtain as it closed. “Besides, you can make it up to me by introducing me to one of your skater friends.”

Yuuri laughs and realizes that Lana isn’t just an assistant anymore; she’s family. And maybe his show of thanks could be an introduction to Minako the next time she comes in to visit.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After the final bow and the red velvet of the curtain finally closes for good on their recital, Yuuri can breathe without worry. He has scores of parents wanting to thank him and scouts wanting the contact information for a few select students but not after too long, he’s happy of the lack of people that constantly surround him. He’s talking with Mr. Mason (again) and Anya when he spots Viktor off to the side with a soft and patient smile, both hands behind his back as he waits. Yurio isn’t too far off from him, scrolling through his phone. 

He finally pulled away from Mr. Mason with the promise to catch up on Monday afternoon, making his way over to his husband with a relieved smile. As if reading his mind, Viktor opened one of his arms for Yuuri to slot into which he did without a second thought. He felt the warmth envelope him and the emotions that raged through his mind during his routine ebbed away, replaced with the soft smile that Viktor was sending him. 

“Hey, I hope you weren’t waiting for long.” Yuuri said, pulling away slightly to look up to his husband. “Mr. Mason was bugging me about the scouting... _ again _ .” He added on lowly, in hopes to not being overheard. 

Viktor chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “Not too long. We just came out a few minutes ago.” He said simply and before Yuuri could answer, he pulled out a small bouquet of white lilies in a lavender sleeve from behind his back. Viktor was wearing a hesitant smile, as if unsure of how Yuuri would react to the gift. “I got you these. Everything was amazing, Yuuri. Especially  _ your _ routine. It was...breathtaking.” He looked like he wanted to add something but seemed to think better of it, at least for now.  

Yuuri could feel his cheeks burn at his husband’s praise but he couldn’t help the warmth of his smile to spread, taking the bouquet carefully before leaning up to press a peck on his husband’s lips. “Thank you, Vitya. They’re gorgeous.”  _ They’re lilies.  _ His head couldn’t help but make the connection, especially after the disappointment that he felt back when he had came in with the same bouquet of flowers the day of the interview. But this time was different. 

He felt the love envelope every inch of his body, the warmth of the gesture threatening to spring tears to his eyes and he chastised himself for being so emotional, so vulnerable. He thought it was probably due to the emotion in the routine that had him in such a delicate state of mind. Maybe by the time they got home Yuuri would be in a better state of mind to fully explain what this gift meant to him. He cradled the bouquet to his chest carefully. 

“Katusdon, that was a flawless routine you did.” Yurio’s voice broke him out of his stupor, pulling him back into the emptying lobby of the venue. He turned toward the younger man, sending him a smile and stepping forward to pull him into a gentle but quick embrace. 

“Thanks for coming, Yura.” Yuuri pulled away from him with a smile, noting the hint of a smile curving the younger man’s lips. 

Yurio recovered quickly, shrugging his shoulders in a nonchalant way before clicking his tongue. “I wouldn’t have missed it. You’ve been working hard on it. And if you were going to fall flat on your face, I would hate myself for missing  _ that _ .” The teasing remark was clear of any malice so a chuckle slipped from Yuuri’s lips at the prospect. 

“Priorities, huh?” Yuuri’s chuckle faded slightly, a smile still splayed across his expression. “Still, thank you.” 

He merely nodded, actually allowing a smile to slip over his lips. Knowing that was as much as he was going to get when it came to Yurio, Yuuri turned towards Viktor with a raised brow. “Ready to head home?” 

Viktor seemed to be pulled from his own thoughts at Yuuri’s question, blinking quickly before recovering with a smile. “Yeah...we’ll drop you off on the way, Yurio.” 

With a hum in mild acceptance, the trio made their way out of the venue. 

The car ride was quiet, even with the soft Russian pop playing in the background and the sound of Yura tapping on his screen. Yuuri could feel the exhaustion of the constant stress and the slight burn of his muscles from his routine but he felt the excitement of a job well done on the recital. When they pulled up to Yurio’s apartment, he congratulated Yuuri once again and bid them both farewell. 

Once they were back on the road and heading home, Yuuri took the time to look over Viktor’s expression. He looked like he was on the verge of saying something, seemingly changing his mind at the last second. His expression was hesitant and, if Yuuri didn’t know any better, nervous. After a long moment of silence, he decided to take the first leap. 

“I didn’t know that Yura was coming.” Yuuri said softly with a smile, his fingertip tracing over the velvet petals of the lilies in his lap. He looked up to see Viktor wearing a fond smile, eyes still on the road. “Did you?” 

“He texted me last minute to see if we could ride together.” Viktor said with a slight shrug, hesitantly slightly before sending Yuuri an amused expression. “He  _ did  _ have some interesting and  _ loud  _ things to say on the ride over there, though. He said he had perfect place to store those ‘expensive ass skates’ of mine.” He chuckled softly, moving his eyes back to the road as Yuuri’s heart faltered at the implication that Viktor knows that he told Yurio about their fight. 

“I’m sorry…” Yuuri said, biting his bottom lips slightly as he glanced over to a still smiling Viktor. “I shouldn’t have told him about it but I just…” He sighed, mentally kicking himself for even opening his mouth. He  _ knew  _ that Yurio was going to go after Viktor, just based off of his initial reaction but he needed to talk to  _ someone _ . 

Yuuri was pulled from his musings by Viktor letting out a soft laugh. He turned his attention to him, eyes wide at his reaction. 

Viktor glanced over to Yuuri, the amused expression still sketched over his features. “Yuuri, I’m not mad. I deserved it. And you shouldn’t have to apologize for talking about what’s going on. I’m...I’m glad you had someone you could talk to.” The hesitation was back and guilt seemed to flash over his expression. He slowed the car down to a stop at the red light, moving his attention fully to Yuuri. 

“I’m sorry it wasn’t me.” Viktor murmured, his hand hesitant as it reached out to intertwine with Yuuri’s. A sad smile curved his lips, his thumb rubbing soft circles into Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri returned the sad smile, shaking his head to refute but he continued on. “I know why it wasn’t and that makes it even worse.” 

“Viktor…” Yuuri murmured, unsure of what to say to his guilt ridden words as his throat was lodged with emotion. Their eyes locked and the emotion swelled that started to swell within Yuuri was evident in the ice blue of Viktor’s eyes.

He could see the glow of the light turning green against Viktor’s pale skin and the moment was shattered, those eyes pulling away reluctantly to return to the road as the car accelerated slowly. Viktor’s hand stayed though and after a moment, he brought their intertwined hands to his lips to press a gentle kiss on his knuckles before returning them to their initial spot. 

If Viktor’s grip tightened every so often, like he was afraid that Yuuri was going to disappear from his grasp, Yuuri didn’t speak about it. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri sighed as he made his way to the bedroom, ready to finally kick back and relax after the stress that was the recital. The cool chill of the air conditioner hit his bare chest as he passed a vent, causing him to quicken his steps and grip the towel than was wrapped low around his waist. When he walked their bedroom, he found Viktor clad in a white shirt and grey sleep pants with his back against the headboard and his hand absently in Makka’s fur. Yuuri couldn’t help to smirk slightly at the resemblance of the stereotypical evil genius in the movies.  

“Plan anything diabolical lately, Dr. Evil?” Yuuri chuckled softly, raising a brow from where he stood at the threshold. 

That got his attention. Viktor blinked quickly, as if being pulled from his deep musings to shoot Yuuri a confused expression. “What?” 

Brows raised, Yuuri made his way into the bedroom. “It’s a...you looked like, um…” Shaking off his fumbling words, he ran his fingers through his still damp hair. “What’s going on? You seem like you’re on another planet tonight...Are you getting sick?” He walked up to the side of the bed, putting his hand against Viktor’s smooth cheek, cradling it for a moment before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

He felt the hum of Viktor chuckling and he pulled away, a small smile curling his lips. “Well, you don’t  _ feel  _ hot.” Viktor raised his brow at his choice of words but Yuuri just chuckled, sitting down on the edge of their bed. 

Viktor chuckled along with him, his eyes seeming to blur away again before lifting his hand to run his fingers down from his shoulder to his finger tip. Yuuri could feel his neck burning but the touch was comforting so a soft smile started to curve his lips, confusion still evident in his eyes. 

There was a long silence before Viktor spoke up. 

“You were beautiful up there.” Viktor breathed, his eyes following his fingers as they danced over his skin. “You’ve always told the story like the music was already inside you. That’s one of the first things about you that I fell in love with.” He paused to chuckle softly, like he was replaying a memory inside his head. 

“Even without music, the way your body moves to tell the story is breathtaking. But…” He trailed off for a moment, eyes focusing on Yuuri’s intertwined hands as his brow furrowed. Yuuri’s heart beat faster, unsure of what his next words would be. He looked up him finally, focus clear and set on Yuuri. The ferocity in his eyes made Yuuri’s heart skip a beat, squeezing his chest with all the emotions swirling inside those ice blue eyes. 

_ Anger. Hurt. Pain. Frustration. _

_ Pain.   _

“But I didn’t realize how much it would break my heart to see you dance out the emotions of such loss and heartache.” Viktor’s voice was barely over a whisper but was growing stronger with every word. “I’m angry at myself for seeing how much you were hurting just a few feet away from me every single day. I could see how alone you were, how much pain you were in. And I did nothing.” 

Yuuri swallowed the emotion that was beginning to build and claw its way up his throat so he casted his eyes down to his fidgeting hands, unsure of what to say. He  _ was  _ in pain and he  _ had  _ felt alone but that was in the past. It felt good to dance those emotions out of his system because now...now he didn’t feel alone. Even if their journey to a better marriage was a rollercoaster at best, he was happier now mainly because they were  _ trying _ . 

He felt the bed shift and looked up to Viktor shifting closer to him, his hand moving to cradle Yuuri’s cheek gently. His thumb stroked his cheek softly, his eyes flickering over every inch of Yuuri’s face. “I was really selfish, Yuuri.” It was a mere whisper between them but the intensity of the words had Yuuri’s chest heaving. Viktor’s thumb ran down to his lips, running the pad of his thumb over his plump bottom lip. “How selfish could I have been to not see how much pain you were in?” 

“I…” Yuuri breathed, hot against Viktor’s thumb that had ceased in its path against his skin. He opened his mouth to try again but words failed him, unsure of what to say. Viktor didn’t seem torn up about that thought, his ice eyes still focused on the younger man as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Yuuri’s skin began to heat, the desire to lean in and take Viktor’s lips against his grew by each passing second. How ridiculous was it that he only wanted to kiss Viktor as he was bearing his emotions to him? What kind of husband was he? 

Viktor leaned in closer, resting his forehead against Yuuri’s as his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. He took a deep breath, seemingly to gather his nerve before opening those eyes that Yuuri would drown for. 

“Let me take care of you.” 

Viktor murmured the request and although it was uttered quietly, Yuuri could pick out all of the emotion to held roots in the words. All the hurt, the guilt and the determination was clear in each syllable. His heart was racing, the anticipation and implication of his request causing his abdomen to burn low like a small flame was lit. He could still feel the slight pressure of Viktor’s thumb against his lip and  _ oh  _ how he wanted the catharsis of Viktor’s kiss in that moment. 

“Please.”

Yuuri’s soft breath seemed to surprise Viktor, as if he was expecting a negative response. His lips twitched slightly, only to remove the frown from his lips as he drew his thumb away. Yuuri was about to protest but he soon felt Viktor’s lips hover over his, hot breath mingling with his own before finally pressing their lips together. 

The heat of his kiss was smoldering like molten lava dripping down his throat and spreading throughout every cell in his being but his lips were as gentle as the velvet petal of a lily, causing a soft gasp to echo into their intertwined breath. Viktor’s hand slipped back further to cradle the back of his head, titling his head to deepen the kiss while his other trailing the tips of his fingers down Yuuri’s side. 

Yuuri shivered, arousal starting to pool in his abdomen as he could feel the stirring underneath his towel. His hands weaved around the back of Viktor’s neck, pulling him closer until he felt his bare skin pressed firmly against the the fabric of Viktor’s shirt. He could feel Viktor’s hand wander, his touch leaving a hot trail up his side. Yuuri whined softly into Viktor’s slow kiss as Viktor’s thumb brushed delicately over his sensitive nipple. 

Viktor pulled away slightly, nipping at Yuuri’s bottom lip as his hooded gaze ran over the younger man’s expression. “Lay down for me?” His murmured words scorched through Yuuri’s body burnt all coherent thought to a crisp. Yuuri merely scooted back onto the bed fully, lying down with his head on the pillow as Viktor murmured to Makka to go lay down in her bed. With the tinkling noises of her nails against the hardwood floor, Viktor crawled up his body to straddle his hips. 

Yuuri’s breath was caught in his throat, strangled by a shaky but soft moan as Viktor leaned in to press open mouthed kisses along his jaw. “Viktor…” Just speaking his name seemed to incite Viktor’s tongue to roll against his skin as he mirrored his hips to the same circular ministrations. The action shot arousal straight to his groin, silently cursing himself for not slipping off the towel because  _ dammit  _ if he needed to be closer. 

Viktor hummed against his skin, his lips travelling down the column of his neck. His actions were slow, deliberate and enough to drive Yuuri wild but he was still taking care of him. With every brush of his lips, Yuuri could feel the concentrated love that seemed to flow between them. It seemed to intensify the pleasure that Viktor was giving him. 

As his lips moved down Yuuri’s body, Viktor hands followed the trail down to rest at his hips. Viktor chuckled against his heated skin as Yuuri whined quietly, his hips wiggling in Viktor’s hold. His husband’s slender fingers dipped underneath the towel, untying it to lay flat on the bed and to bare Yuuri completely. His fingers and lips retracted from Yuuri’s skin and he couldn’t help the frustrated groan from slipping his lips. 

Viktor straddled Yuuri’s thighs, looking down on the slightly disheveled and blushing younger man with a expression of pure adoration. He looked at him for just a moment more before scooting back to lower his lips to Yuuri’s thick thighs. He caught Yuuri’s dark and hooded eyes as he pressed an opened mouth kiss on his inner thigh, his hands rubbing up the sides of his legs to settle his grip on Yuuri’s hips. 

“You are…” Yuuri whimpers softly as he nips the sensitive skin, traveling closer to the appendage that is craving the most attention. “...the most gorgeous creature that I’ve ever laid my eyes on, Yuuri.” Viktor’s low voice drips into Yuuri like honey, slow and sweet. Yuuri’s one hand clenched as the sheets beneath him while the other slides to cover Viktor’s hand on his hip, which Viktor easily twisted into intertwining their two hands together. Another opened mouth kiss and a swirl of his tongue has Yuuri arching his back slightly as his hips roll into the air, begging for  _ something _ . 

“Ever since I laid my eyes on you at that banquet…” Viktor murmured against his skin, lips dancing up his thighs to hesitate at the base of Yuuri’s shaft. Viktor’s hot breath against his throbbing member has Yuuri biting his lip, trying his hardest not to buck his hips. “Ever since that night, I couldn’t find someone as beautiful as you are.” 

Viktor must have knew that Yuuri would refute his compliments because he started placing soft, opened mouth kisses up his cock until reached the tip. Yuuri whimpered at the shot of arousal that almost knocked the breath out of him, his back arching slightly as his head tilted back into the bed and his eyes closed. 

“P-Please, Viktor…” 

He felt Viktor hum against his cock before the hot feel of Viktor tongue swirl around the tip of his strained member. Viktor didn’t tease him long as Yuuri soon felt the warmth of his mouth surrounding his twitching cock. A shaky moan slipped from his lips, his he felt Viktor bob his head on his cock. 

He knew that if he opened his eyes and looked, he wouldn’t last long. The mere sight of Viktor, as ethereal as he is, going down on Yuuri with his hooded eyes and the red blush painted across his porcelain skin and how his lips looked wrapped daintily around Yuuri’s cock…

Yuuri whimpered at the thought, his hips rolling slightly into the hot wetness that was Viktor mouth. He couldn’t think about it either because he was going to finish embarrassingly early and he had an inkling on how Viktor wanted to spend the night and it was  _ not  _ something that he was up for missing. 

His inkling was proven right when he felt the familiar probe of Viktor’s long and slender finger from teasing his entrance. He gasped out a shaky moan when he pressed the pad of his thumb against it, the small but intense burn shooting directly into his cock. 

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s tongue swirl around his cock, the action causing Yuuri to arch his back and another whine to slip from his lip. “V-Vitya…” Intense pleasure shot directly to his cock at the feel of Viktor’s grip on his hips tightening slightly, his neatly trimmed but short nails brushing against his hot skin.  

He could feel it building, with every swirl of Viktor’s lips and every bruising suck that brought such obscene noises into their room. He knew if he wanted for his husband to make love to him, he needed to cease this because he wasn’t going to last very much longer at the rate Viktor was going. 

“Viktor...w-wait…” Yuuri cursed himself internally as he moaned the words but they seemed to do the trick. Viktor stopped his ministrations, carefully allowing his swollen cock to slide off of his tongue with hooded eyes. “C’mere….” Yuuri murmured softly, tugging their intertwined hands gently. 

A sultry smile around swollen lips almost knocked the breath out of Yuuri but his husband complied and allowed him to drag him up to his lips. Yuuri immediately surged forward, grabbing the back of Viktor’s neck to pull him into a bruising kiss. He could feel a low growl hum into their kiss, Viktor’s clothed hips rubbing against Yuuri’s straining cock. He could also taste himself on Viktor’s tongue and he couldn’t help but moan at the mere thought. 

He could stay like this forever. 

But after a long moment, he remembered why he brought his husband back up to his level. “Vitya...please. Please make love to me…” He whined into Viktor’s mouth, the heat of their mingling breath clouding Yuuri’s mind with the singular thought of all things  _ Viktor _ . 

Viktor’s breath stuttered only slightly against his lips but groaned against his lips as he surged forward for another bruising kiss. After a smoldering long moment, Viktor pulled away and leaned over to pull the drawer out to presumably grab the lube and condom before settling on his knees between Yuuri’s legs.

While Viktor squeezed out some lube into his hands to warm it after discarding his clothes and slipping on a condom, Yuuri looked over his husband and his disheveled state. His hair was all over the place from Yuuri’s hands running through it and his lips kiss swollen while his cheeks were heated pink to arousal. The hooded stare that Viktor had could get Yuuri off no problem…

He was interrupted from his thoughts by Viktor’s finger teasing at his entrance once more, beginning to stretch Yuuri out. The slight burn of the added fingers had Yuuri gasping, head tilting back into the pillow as Viktor leaned down to take one of Yuuri’s pert nipples into his mouth to swirl his tongue around. 

After a few minutes of teasing him open, Yuuri groaned in a frustrated whine as he bucked his hips slightly. “P-please, Vitya….I’m ready for you, just…” Another whine spilled from his lips, his cock straining with intense arousal as Viktor snapped his gaze up to meet Yuuri’s. “I need you…” 

Viktor nodded, crawling up to meet Yuuri’s lips with a moan as he positioned himself on his knees and lined himself up to Yuuri’s entrance. Years of intimacy made it like muscle memory, Viktor knowing  _ exactly  _ what spot makes him whine and the speed to make him moan out. That concept had love blooming inside Yuuri’s heart, his kiss slowing like honey dripping out of the comb. 

“I love you, Yuuri.” Viktor murmured into his lips before reaching down to guide his erect cock against Yuuri’s entrance. “I’ll never stop loving you. I don’t think I know how.” 

Yuuri hummed at the slow burn as Viktor began pushing himself slowly into him, a groan echoing into their intertwined lips. “I...I love you too, Viktor. I always will- _ oh! _ ” Yuuri whimpered in pleasure as Viktor’s hips ground forward to completely disappear into Yuuri’s entrance. He stilled for a moment, peppering slow kisses over Yuuri’s face and into his neck. 

“ _ My Yuuri _ …” Viktor’s breath shook as he buried his face into Yuuri’s neck, nipping at the skin gently before sucking an open mouthed kiss into the bottom of his neck. Yuuri arched into his touch as Viktor began to roll his hips, the younger man’s hands running up Viktor’s back to grip at his bare shoulder blades. 

Yuuri wasn’t able to think straight as the slow drag of Viktor’s hips into his brought a hybrid of a whine and moan from his lips. His nails gripped into Viktor’s skin, a slight hiss against Yuuri’s neck was his only warning before the rhythm of Viktor’s hips quickened and his lips surged up to meet Yuuri’s with a hiss of exhaled air through their nose. 

Moans of pleasure and whimpers of ecstasy echoed into their intertwined breath, Viktor’s name becoming the only thing that Yuuri could breath out. His legs had folded up, wrapping around Viktor’s hips as his heels dug into his sculpted ass as Yuuri tried to get more leverage for  _ more _ . He could taste the pants and groans of arousal in Viktor’s kiss, his rhythm becoming more erratic as he got closer and closer to the edge that Yuuri was already tap dancing along. Yuuri could feel his thighs start to shake, his impending climax like a bright light in the near distance.  

“Vitya...I’m-I’m so close. Please…” Yuuri whined, his hands roaming from Viktor’s back to dive into his silver locks as he pulled him even closer into a fervent kiss. He moaned into his husband’s lips as he rocked his hips in time with the rhythm of Viktor’s, which only spurred the older man to quicken his pace with a groan of passion. 

Viktor pulled away slightly, his forehead still against Yuuri’s as his mouth hovered over the younger man’s whimpering and swollen lips. “Goddamn, you’re a sight.” His gruff voice breathed against his lips as Yuuri looked over his husband’s expression. His lips were swollen and wet, almost the same color as the heat that had spread over his cheeks at the exertion.

Yuuri moaned at the sight of his husband completely and erotically at the edge with him, his eyes glassy with passion. He could feel one of Viktor’s hands trail down to rub his thick thigh, top to bottom and the reverence that the man showed him was overwhelming. Arching his back slightly, he could feel the quickening of both the rise to his climax and Viktor’s hips.

His arms around around Viktor’s neck and his dark gaze focused on the ocean blue eyes, he could feel himself starting to unravel and he knew he wasn’t going to last any longer. He nipped at Viktor’s lip, mouth barely able to keep from opening in a gasp of ecstasy as Viktor’s hips ground deep into him and he lost it when he got that push off the edge with a brush against his prostate. 

“V-Viktor!” Yuuri gasped as he came, his muscles tensing around Viktor’s cock. In his climax high he could feel the throbbing inside him as Viktor came, choking on Yuuri’s name along with a string of Russian. He couldn’t help but pull his husband in to taste his lips, another bruising but slow kiss settling them as the both rode their high down. 

It was a long moment before Viktor pull his softening cock out of him, a slight wince being earned from Yuuri. The older man tied off the condom to throw away and ran to their bathroom, grabbing a warm washcloth to clean them both up with. Yuuri was too tired from his exhausting day and his intense climax to do nothing more than lay there and allow Viktor to care for him. After, he peppered slow kisses on seemingly every inch of Yuuri’s face after he finished which earned a soft chuckle from the younger man.

As Viktor pulled him into his arms, the younger man could feel his husband’s heartbeat hard against his ear and the soothing feel of Viktor’s slender fingers pushing through his hair was enough for the exhaustion to slowly move through his body. 

“I hope you know that I never thought for one second that you didn’t love me.” Yuuri murmured into Viktor’s chest, the fingers in his hair still and his husband’s breath staggering for a moment before regaining normalcy. “Just like I hope you know that I could never stop loving you.” 

A soft open mouthed kiss pressed against the top of his head, the feeling of pure love dripping down throughout his body as he yawned into Viktor’s chest. 

“I know, lyubov.” 

And without another word, Yuuri drifted to sleep with Viktor’s love radiating through every bone in his body. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_ Yuuri woke slowly, eyes blinking away the sleep as he started to become aware of his surroundings. The warmth below him was inviting, the skin contact warming his every cell in his being and for a moment, he nuzzled back into the warmth before realizing who was underneath. He looked up to Viktor’s sleeping form, his eyes unable to leave the ethereal sight in front of him even after the previous night’s...endeavors. Yuuri couldn’t help the heated blush from pinking his cheeks and a small smile from slipping over his lips.  _

_ It was his first night in Saint Petersburg and everything leading up to him walking through the threshold of his new home made his anxiety skyrocket through the roof. Constant questions of  _ what ifs _ raced through his mind with every step through the terminal, every stop light from the airport and every soft  _ beep _ from the elevator in the building as it rose to  _ their _ floor. They made small talk but both could tell that the other was nervous. Viktor, although thoroughly excited to be taking this step with Yuuri, was clearly nervous as he kept sneaking glances towards the younger skater.  _

_ It wasn’t until Yuuri stepped through the threshold of the apartment that all the anxiety and nerves began to melt away.  _

_ Viktor had a way of doing that for him.  _

_ Yuuri’s lips curved at the memory of the previous night. The taste of red wine and Viktor’s kiss still felt etched onto his lips while his skin still felt the soft caress of Viktor’s love for him. It was intoxicating, Viktor’s touch. He was nervous when he first initiated going further with a shaky hand and a whispered request. He had thought Viktor would laugh at him, shake his head at Yuuri’s inexperience and slam the apartment door in his face. But then again, that wasn’t Viktor but Yuuri’s anxiety rearing its ugly face.  _

_ Viktor was patient, gentle and always making sure that Yuuri was okay. This alone made their first time such an incredible and blissful experience. Yuuri was happy to think of their first time sleeping together was actually Viktor making love to him. The adoration was clear in his expression, his lips barely lifting off of his skin and Yuuri was saying Viktor’s name like a prayer on a sinner’s lips.  _

_ Yuuri could feel the blush heat up his cheeks, the memory still fresh in his mind. He couldn’t help but look down on his lover, noting the silver locks spread over the pillow like a halo and his skin seemingly glowing in the early sunlight. Viktor’s eyes were closed gently, his silver eyelashes laying on the pale skin as his soft breath sounded in the quiet of their room. Yuuri couldn’t help his heart from faltering at the mere sight of Viktor,  _ his Viktor,  _ in such a peaceful state.  _

_ A rush of pride surged through Yuuri at the thought of being the only one to see this side of his Vitya. The weight of the band on his finger lifted as Yuuri was filled with such love and adoration for Viktor. It was more than the admiration that he felt for his idol. It was more than the respect that he felt for his coach. Beneath all the entangled web of types of love he felt for Viktor, the most important one was being able to love him unconditionally and support him in all of his endeavors.  _

_ Yuuri didn’t know how he got so lucky to end up with Viktor laying beside him looking like an angel plucked straight from the heavens but he wasn’t going to question it. He was just going to love Viktor with all he had and be there for him, no questions asked.  _

_ He leaned forward slightly, pressing his lips softly to Viktor’s forehead as his hand came up to cradle his face gently. He pulled away after a moment, happiness filling his heart at the sight of a soft smile curving on a still sleeping Viktor’s expression as he cuddled in closer to Yuuri. After a moment, he settled his face into Yuuri’s neck and the younger skater couldn’t help but note the switch that they had made.  _

_ He didn’t dwell on it long, a smile splitting over his lips as his hand began to lightly run his fingers through Viktor’s silver locks. He knew that if Viktor hadn’t woken up yet then it was way too early for Yuuri so it wasn’t long before Yuuri’s own eyes started to slowly close. He pressed his lips against Viktor’s hair gently, his fingers still running through the silver locks albeit a lot slower with sleep slowing them down.  _

_ “I love you, Vitya.” _

_ He felt a rush of breath against his neck, whether it be a response or a reaction Yuuri didn’t know but what he did find before he fell back into a slumber was Viktor’s embrace tightened. _

_ He fell asleep with the feel of Viktor’s kiss on his skin and a warmth in his heart that said he was finally home.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter didn't hurt too much! The next chapter will be a happy one, I promise :) 
> 
> Comments/kudos are always appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.  
> As always, comments and kudos are always appreciated :)
> 
> Come scream about Viktuuri with me on Tumblr: gorlalmiti ♥
> 
> Please keep in mind that I am not married and while I've taken some cues from friends and family who are, this may not actively reflect how it is to be married or marital problems in general. Thank you for your understanding!
> 
> Here is a list of the ages of our main characters, just for reference.  
> Age list:  
> Yuuri -> 31  
> Viktor -> 35  
> Yuri -> 23  
> Phichit -> 29
> 
> Edit: I have cleared up Makkachin's gender because there was some confusion. Makka, in this story and universe, is a girl.


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